Mother in law keeps calling me fat

You’ve posted so many times about this woman for years and your DH as well. You don’t ever take advice and generally just ghost after a while

Just flagging before posters become invested.

Whats the point of this post?

• Your MIL has been calling you fat every day for months and you’ve continued to allow that to happen so evidently you are not going to tell her to stop.
• your MIL is calling your 11 year old fat and yet again you are not doing anything about it.
• you’ve told your husband and he doesn’t care and you’ve done nothing about that either

so what can any of us say that is more impactful than all of the above ? The majority of people on here would be called fat by there mil ONCE and that would be it, she is would never do it again or she’d never see of us again. If someone called my daughter fat she’d never see her again. I’d be uninterested in the opinion of my husband if he did not see an issue with this.

Your husband needs to grow a spine. Why is he okay with his wife being deeply unhappy and crying in her own house? Why is he okay with his daughter being bullied into having an eating disorder?

If he refuses to kick out his mother, kick them both out.

She needs telling that what may be acceptable in her culture is incredibly rude and hurtful here. Her son needs to tell her this as well as you. She may not mean to be hurtful, but she is, and so she needs to stop.

I am ethnically Asian in a family of quite strong women. I have certainly had comments like this from some men and occasionally women. I would not tolerate it, there is no cultural excuse and if she is talking like this to your eleven year old that is actually quite dangerous. I would be clear she cannot make these comments. It is grossly offensive and she will be asked to leave if she continues. No amount of crying or screeching (which will happen), should stop you from doing this.

I'm not sure why you'd think people you personally saw in South Sudan is a good sample size. The WHO says obesity has multiplied by 7 times in South Sudan since the 1980s. Obesity exists everywhere and is not a uniquely western problem.

I recommend reading about the double-burden of malnutrition.

Oh, I wouldn't mince my words.

I would say, she's rude and out of order and she needs to leave if she's going to behave in this way.

If she does it again, you order her out. No matter how big the screaming match is.

If your husband doesn't stand by you, you know where you stand with him too. He can run off with mummy.

Do not appease it or put up with it.

She arrived in late July for 3 months. So she’s leaving soon, right?

You need to protect yourself and protect your daughter. You shouldn't feel upset and your daughter should not be exposed to body shaming comments from close family (or anyone, really).

If your husband is not willing to do anything about it, you might need to discuss with him temporary living arrangements whilst MIL visits: you and your daughter could somewhere else.

Or you can fight fire with fire and be blunt as an axe:

"I have a medical condition and what you sais is very rude and hurtful. I won't stand here and listen to your humilliating comments". And leave the room.

"That's very offensive and you have no right to speak to me like that". And leave the room.
"(Daughter's name), don't listen to MIL. She's being very rude and should apologise. You're beautiful as you are". And leave the room, with your daughter.

(That's the polite version. I probably wouldn't be so polite!).

Lipodema is no joke, please get a diagnosis and educate yourself on the condition. Look into lipodema sugery, if that's something it could be benefitial to you on the long run.

What on earth are you talking about?

She absolutely won’t do any of that.

The issue is not if OP is fat or not. It's the MIL's rudeness and bullying. And, FYI, lipoedema is not a weight issue and cannot be managed by diet or exercise.

Why on earth did you ask the woman who gives you so much shit about your size to alter your clothes? Serious question. Have you heard of gift-wrapping the ammunition?

This type of weight gain happened just the same way for the daughter of a friend of mine. Her mum just thought she had put on weight but when she came off a particular type of contraceptive pill (prescribed I think for acne) the weight just disappeared. If that isn't the case for you, could it be a different medication your are on? I find doctors are often reluctant to accuse medication for causing any problems whatsoever even when the packet says they are known side effects.

Your MIL is being rude and ignorant - please just ignore her.

I am honestly miffed why she wasn't sent home after the 2nd time she commented like this.
Enough OP! Stand up for yourself, it's time for her to leave. You cannot face this in your own home and if you won't do it for you, do it for your daughter. MIL is disgusting.

Why should she relax when she's being insulted. Being from a different culture is no excuse

Right, well if I didn't already think she should be asked to leave for talking about you (I did), she MUST be asked to leave for the way she's talking about your 11-year-old daughter.
Obviously it's your DH's job to do so.
Those saying the OP needs to 'relax' and it's just cultural, fuck that. 'culture' in her house is how she wants it to be, and if it doesn't include comments on young girls' body shape and size then that's up to her.

Also I don't allow anyone to.comment on my DDs weight and I have told both my mum and MIL to stop. Nicely. They stopped. They wanted to fatten her up actually so different but stilll...
My mum stays with me for 2 months at a time and we get on fine. Asian does not mean being cruel.

If you have lipedema the lipedemic fat is not fat that you can lose by exercising or eating healthily. You can have the lipedemic fat sucked out but it will comeback

Lipedema is a disease. Your lipedemic fat isn't normal fat. It's diseased fat

It's affected by hormones and grows when you have increased hormones, such as puberty, pregnancy, menopause

Exactly!

I have Lipoedema in my legs . And I am already seing signs in one of my daughters. It is hard to cope with . But even if you get a diagnosis it wont change in the short term. Its a longterm condition.
What would really help you is not having people constantly commenting on your appearance. Mental health plays a huge part when it comes to coping with lipoedema. And having negativity forced on you daily will only make things worse.
Plus the example to your children is awful . They will just grow up with eating disorders and feeling shame about themselves.
You need to tell them all to stop commenting on your weight. Tell them its nothing to do with them. And if they have nothing nice to say then dont say anything at all.
These are things your dh should also be saying.
Be proud of who you are. Learning to love your body as it is will help you so much longterm. And im saying that as someone who's legs have been smaller then bigger and repeatedly changed depending on so many factors . But if I didnt learn to cope during the times they are bigger then I would never leave the house .

There is a genetic link which means some people hold onto more fat than others. This is probably something more prevalent in the west, than Asia, but not exclusively so.

There's this very isolated island in the Pacific ocean call Nauru - and almost all the population are overweight. It would have taken many months to get there on boat - and only those people whose bodies were able to hold onto fat reserves survived the journey.

Many years later they were able to get more foods imported - like sugary drinks etc. Since then, the islanders have become overweight, as all the population have a body type which is designed to hold into fat.

So genetics play a big part (and perhaps many western builds are designed to hold on to fat).

MIL needs to be educated about this immediately. What is the husband doing? Not that anyone needs a man to be speaking up...but

For the first few times call her out very politely and walk out.
”I’ve explained it’s a medical problem. Please stop making me feel bad.” Do this the first two or three times whilst walking out, then progress to not saying anything.
Just drop whatever you are doing, turn round and walk out silently. Even if making dinner. Anything. Just stop and walk out of the room.

Do the same if she starts on your daughter. “We won’t be listening to this” the first few times, then say nothing. Grab your dd and just walk out of the room.