To feel jealous of the dog

Dog not allowed upstairs 🤔
Dog not allowed on furniture 😔
Opening curtains in the morning 🙄
Your DH was a 'miserable git' when his dog died 😩

Why not gently wake up DS who also needs to get ready and who you are largely responsible for? Then, DH will have no one to shout at if he’s late, but himself,

Do you think you might be ND?

People have gone back to the curtains because it's the only thing you've mentioned about your own behaviour towards DH and it shows an attitude towards him that's not really any better than his attitude towards you. What people are saying is - you dislike each other and you are both acting in ways that have no grace towards each other and are, in their own ways, little digs. You have lost the emotional ties that make you generous towards each other, so you are going to be miserable together until you find a way to reconnect and love each other again (which is hard), or split up.

I can’t believe some of the comments about the curtains and the poor OP’s “character.” Flimsy curtains (such as the ones the OP describes) let the daylight in anyway. She only opened them a little way, letting a bit more light in, to nudge DH awake - at 7:30am (hardly the crack of dawn) on the day he was responsible for taking the teen to football. If she barged in early every morning, throwing the blackout curtains wide open, shouting and dragging the DH out of bed after only 3 hours sleep, I’d understand the outrage. But that’s not what happened.

It isn’t a case of him loving the dig more, it’s just a case of him not liking you.

‘what a nob head head’? Whilst I wouldn’t swear at you, I do think this is crass so perhaps that’s why he reacted the way he did!
Opening the curtains? Surely you could have waited until he was up…

I absolutely hate people opening curtains before I am ready. I went on holiday with a friend who did this 20 years ago and it still riles me to think about it. It can piss me off for a whole day.
Maybe you are just getting on each others nerves and need to chat about being more considerate of each other.

I agree, and I I don't think OP likes him either.

You sound quite ‘noisy’ and energetic. I’d hate to have someone open the curtains before I’m up and I can’t stand much noise in the morning or when I come in from work. I just like to ‘be’ as much as I can before I’m expected to start the family shift. I lived with a piano playing sister growing up and I too stayed in my bedroom or took our dog out for some quiet. You say you’re messy, he likes tidy. You sound like a ruddy whirlwind and DH is taking shelter anyway he can. You’d be too much for me.

I'm sorry but this sounds like the relationship was doomed from the start, it hasn't been built on a strong foundation. You're not a partnership so there's no depth to fall back to in challenging times, and three young children can challenge even the strongest relationship.
It sounds like DH is extremely passive, in that theres no planning, no real opinion, no action, so when the first pregnancy happened they just went along with it.
You then realise your not really compatible and decide more children is the fix, something both of you are responsible for. This was never going to work so here you are, still incompatible but with a load more responsibilities.

The positive- you have three gorgeous children. They deserve to grow up in a happy environment, which both adults are responsible for. From what you have said, I dont think that is possible if you stay together. Staying together for the kids doesn't work when you actively dislike each other.
An amicable separation seems the most sensible outcome.

So many people wittering on about the fucking curtains. Op got up to wake the teen precisely because the dh would kick off if he wasn't ready. It's not rocket science. It does sound as if he really doesn't care about his wife and family at all. I think op is trying to convince herself he's not a nasty person but he absolutely is. You deserve some attention and consideration and just plain common courtesy. I hope you can see a way out of this situation op you and the kids deserve better.

If you can put up with this sort of life fine - and good luck to you.
On the other hand you could get a really good dog suit and start jumping up on the sofa and burrowing bones under the cushions - if this doesn’t attract his attention or raise a smile I’d leave and get a cat.

Yep he's your traditional old git. Has he any redeeming qualities? Good at DIY? I doubt it. What do you want to do? You are poles apart, counselling is not going to fix your marriage. Do you want to split now, or wait until the kids are older? You only have one life. It is not your duty to be as miserable as him.

Jeez OP. Curtains are immaterial 😁. He is a lazy selfish arse and prob won't want more than a pathetic EOW with his kids or maybe even less. Get a divorce, get a financial agreement and get a LIFE. You will be far happier. Good luck

This isn't normal and I can't imagine living like this. And he shouts and swears at his whole family, these are the actions of a horrible person and I can't see how this constitutes getting on fine with no arguments. I would consider pretty.much any living situation that involved a roof over my head in preference to this. I can't tell you what to do but I'd certainly be consulting a.divorce lawyer.

Ah, OP, I am so on your side. Me and dh had a relationship a bit like this - someone said it upthread as you have lost the emotional ties that allow you to be generous to each other. That rang very true for me.
Things are a bit better now, I said I was leaving and was astonished when he asked what he could do to make me stay. I pointed out he'd never given any indication that me and the kids were anything but a burden. We had several long conversations (planned) where we told each other all the things that were eating away at us about the other. I said we needed to lance the boil of resentment that had been growing for years, we both needed to be heard to stop it coming out as passive aggression and hurting each other, and he agreed.
Then the plan after these conversations continued was to have another set of conversations outlining what we'd both like life together to look like, ideally, and see if compromise was possible. We haven't got round to those yet! We've had a hectic few months instead, but even after the first round of convos, things have been easier. We might not go the distance, but I feel more hopeful than in a long time.
We also married young, having never lived together (though not shotgun) and aren't very compatible. He was fun to be friends with, a little less fun to date, not much fun to live with. But a life together is what we have so neither of us is ready to give it up easily.

His fixation/escape/ comfort blanket was alcohol, not a dog, which complicates things slightly but fundamentally the dynamic was the same as yours, I think. I so hope you get some peace. Its a horrible jangled feeling living with someone you are at odds with, even if the being at odds doesn't manifest outwardly, noisily.

This was my immediate thought.
Sounds like he’s checked out.
Picking smalls fights to justify his shit behaviour.
No doubt it was your fault teenager was late getting up and ready for football too.
My guess is you opened curtains because everything is left to you to organise. He rolls out of bed for the football drive last minute dot com and all the arrangements and organising are on you.
The dog gives him an excuse not to connect with you.
Who’s he on the phone all evening to ????
Wish you all the best 💐

Fixated On his phone again during family time?
Mmmm …

Why didn’t you wake your teenager then?
You have called your dh miserable, grumpy, you open the curtain while he is sleeping to avoid his shouting and swearing at your teenagers. Why didn’t you mention his shouting and swearing in open? And two, your description of him is showing you don’t like him much. So you have resentment towards each others.

You also seems to be blaming him for your teenager waking up late and showed no empathy for him losing his dog. So while his silent treatments are bad, your attitude towards him is not full of love. My suggestion is to have a heart to heart honest conversation with him.

I can see why your dh finds you annoying. You don’t accept any mistake.

In your second post, you said you opened curtains to wake your dh because otherwise your teenager would have kept sleeping. So it sounded like he was the one responsible for waking up son.

When posters said you should have woken up son instead, your response is you did that.

So if your woke up your son and let’s say your dh work up at 7:45 or even 8 am, why would he have shouted at your son for still sleeping?

Maybe I missed it, but I don’t think OP talked about opening curtains to wake her son, just her husband. Waking her son up would make more sense as he is a CHILD.

I don’t think opening the curtains 45 minutes before he said he wanted to leave the house is a bad thing. Do you usually help him and your teenager get up and ready for the day?
if so. Please stop.
He is a man, your son is a nearly grown man. Let them be responsible for their own timekeeping. If it goes wrong it’s their problem and not yours.

Reading how your husband treats you though… I’m sorry he treats you so indifferently. Your boundaries around the dog should have been respected. It sounds like you do the lionshare of home keeping, so it’s a bit mean of him to pick up what you do leave about and throw it in your office. Particularly if he does no other bousework or home keeping. It honestly comes across as very contemptuous.

if he doesn’t speak to you, doesn’t help you, doesn’t respect you, doesn’t listen to you… why are you there?

and as for the comment under his breath for you to STF up… no one can tell you what you should do. We’re just strangers on the internet and this your life, your marriage and your husband. But we can tell you that no one deserves to be treated this way, spoken to this way and it’s obvious your husband has the capacity to show love, give time and affection. He just doesn’t sound like he is doing that with you.

it’s time for a big think. What are you willing to accept?
what needs to change?
what are your boundaries?
and what happens if he isn’t willing to meet you in the middle?

we only get one life. Don’t let yours be wasted in a space where your happiness is not considered.

But you don't get along fine

You have said multiple times he gets shouty and sweary at minor irritations. that is him being aggressive to you

As others have said this man does not like you. He seems disrespectful and has contempt

So no none of this is normal. Do you think you want your divorce him?