To feel jealous of the dog

Neither of you married the right person.

Yeah I feel like those two points suggest OP isn’t that easy to deal with and they both annoy each other. I would be fuming if DH forced me to get up - regardless of whatever plans we have I’m not a child that needs to be woken up and dictate to. And I hate mess and would get so fed up cleaning up after DH all the time.

He either doesn't like you, or he could be autistic. This behaviour sounds completely normal if he was autistic (my Dad is, and he tells me countless times that he loves his dog more than people). It would also explain how he doesn't say hello when he walks in, and only speaks to you when he has completed the tasks he needs to do first.

Either way, because you sound unhappy you are probably not compatible.

But surely it’s up to him when he gets up? You decided for him that he needed to be up.

@TwinklyAmberSloth why are you staying?!
He is not interested in you and isn’t suddenly going to be!

You get one life. Do yourself a favour and split up!!

Opening the curtains at 7.30am when he is still sleeping is so disrespectful! Calling him a grumpy git when his dog died is disgusting! You lack empathy and you sound like the problem!

It’s not your job to wake an adult up because you want to control his schedule. I would have been furious. There are occasions when I have woken my partner, but only with trepidation, bearing coffee, when we’ve both agreed to get up.

It does seem like you have reached the “contempt” stage which is very hard to get over. I suggest the two of you go out to neutral ground and talk about your relationship and your future.

This isn’t getting on fine. You seem to detest each other. The atmosphere in your home must be suffocating, your children will know this isn’t normal or healthy.

Whatever the curtains and early rising issues and slight messiness issues are, nothing, but nothing, remotely outdoes in awfulness a human being who is married to another human being and who hardly ever talks to her or gives her the silent treatment or talks about his day while never asking her about hers. And you really should be as nice to your wife as you are to your dog. Ideally, rather nicer. But then I'm not a dog person.

OP I didn’t get past you opening the curtains. You and your DH are not communicating. If youre doing passive aggressive things like that I assure you you’re in a worse situation than those who argue a lot, at least they’re passionate enough to be trying to communicate.

Can you go away somewhere nice for a week? You sound like you need to do some deep thinking about what you want. The 'noise' around you at home is preventing this.

He sounds like a miserable twat but its really rude to open the curtains in the bedroom when someone is still in bed.

Well this is definitely a new slant on the billions of dog threads we've seen this year, so well done for that 😁

You two clearly aren't compatible and it has nothing to do with the dog or any animal for that matter.

As an aside, why on earth do you need to open the curtains just because you've decided to get up?

Ugh, you two need to split up. The curtains thing is passive aggressive and would be grounds for divorce itself in my house. You absolutely do not ‘get on fine’ op, and you (both) need to face facts. You’d be happier apart - this must be so hard on your kids.

What happens if you don't touch the curtains at all?

Do they spontaneously combust?

You just are not compatible , I’d love to say YANBU because he sounds like a miserable sod but frankly I don’t go to sleep until 2/3 am most nights due to years of working nights and if my husband pulled the curtains at 7:30 I’d be raging .

Why can’t a teenager be reasonable for getting themselves up?

It sounds like he just doesn’t like you anymore sadly. And likely when you initiate divorce he will be all “what? But I didn’t knooooowwww…!!”.

This is a long stretch but could he be having an affair? Just some of the dismissal and contempt reminds me of my ex when he was having his affair.

How long has it been like this? Was it sudden or a gradual descent. Why does he do no cooking/housework etc? It sounds like you would be happier/lighter (and less work!) without him.

i think counselling could help at least to get it out in the open and give him a heads up that this behaviour is appalling. Although that does depend on whether his attitude has tipped into actual emotional abuse. I would think about starting with a conversation along the lines of him seeming very unhappy and how does he feel and is there something wrong? That gives him a chance to open up if something is genuinely wrong. If he insists all is fine then I’d say you’re feeling like the 2 of you are increasingly disconnected and suggest counselling.

In general I think you should centre yourself, do things that remind you who you are, boost yourself with friends and hobbies, look after your health and well being. Whichever way this goes, that’s always going to be a good plan. Don’t lose yourself trying to become smaller in the hope he will come back.

Presumably your child wants to go to footy. Leave him to wake himself up on time. Micro managing him won’t help him develop those skills himself. If he fails to get ready on time he has the natural consequence of being late to football.

I work around 40 hours per week term time, and some work in school holidays. He works 37 hours a week and has flexi time and can WFH half the week. I do all the meal planning, cooking, organising kids stuff (except footy), cleaning, kids evening activities, school stuff.

OP, you are doing far too much whilst he sits on his arse. He has you neatly pigeon holed as his cook and cleaner.

He doesn’t even see you as a person in your own right, so why would he talk to you like a human let alone his partner?

Seriously, divorce this twat and find someone who actually likes you and wants to spend time with you.

So then wake your son. It doesn’t excuse opening the bedroom curtains on your husband. It’s even more passive aggressive if what you’re saying is you did it so he’d wake your son.

He was due to leave the house at 8.15.

If he hadn’t woken up, he’d likely have blamed OP for that too.

OP can’t win in this situation.

Oh give over.

I think you should leave the bedroom curtains unless you have agreed in advance that he wants woken at a particular time. If you were already up then waking the teenager in plenty of time is helpful and avoids some stress. For the rest, a bit of discussion around sharing household chores is needed, and maybe try to find some activity that you both enjoy and could do together? It seems he does try to talk to you about his work day sometimes, just not at the time you would like.