To feel jealous of the dog

Avoiding her question yet again.

You are unbelievable unreasonable

Who opens the curtains because theyre an early riser, when other people aren't?

And why can't you walk the dog so he doesn't have too?

Why aren't you and the (old enough) children dealing with your own trash and stuff?

Why is this all on dad?

You have different interests you want to play Piano in the evenings but you know he dislikes noise, but you also don't like him taking himself off with the dog to a different room whilst you do what pleases you?

It's not like he is telling you don't have fun, you can go read, play your music, listen to your own sounds - but he can't walk the dog or have a lie in?

This is mental

It’s not about the dog, you’re just married to someone who has no interest in you or being a decent partner

get rid

Did he want to be up at 7.30? If I were taking my teenager somewhere at 8.15, I can get up at 8 and still be ready in time. Opening the curtains when `I’m still sleeping is what my mother used to do to me. I wouldn’t expect my husband to do that to me, and he wouldn’t dream of it.

Why open his curtains when he’s asleep?. No need to do that, but it sounds as though you are incompatible.

It just feels really humiliating to come second place to a dog.

Obviously. But he's unlikely to change now. They rarely do once they're checked out, so you choose what you want and deserve. You don't have to put up with it, but you can only control your own behaviour. A marriage shouldn't be a humiliation or a life sentence.

OK message received. I am a thoughtless controlling evil person for opening the curtains 20 cm to let some light in.

You are not, ignore all the horror filled posts and posters going on about curtain opening.

I'm just trying to ascertain if its normal to not speak to your wife all day, not because he is sulking but because it doesn't seem to cross his mind that he has to.

No, it's not normal. Living the way you are is neither normal or healthy, you are clearly unhappy, this marriage is not working for you and neither is it a healthy environment for your children,

The dog wants for nothing. A walk would never be missed. Two a day. Food is often supermarket finest roast chicken, microwaved to a pleasant temperature. No silver platter yet. Dog beds in three rooms. He frequently chats to the dog, tummy tickles etc... Quite the pampered pooch. Dog is 12 so getting on a bit...
Kids love the dog but he is always telling them off for being too rough or annoying the dog.

The dog is the centre of your husband's word you and the children don't even come close.

It just feels really humiliating to come second place to a dog.

It is, and not just for you but your children too.

Do the best for yourself and your children and end this sham of a marriage/relationship. You are not living as part of a couple, you are not a team, what would be the difference if he wasn't there? None, you are already living separate lives.

You're getting a hard time about the curtains from all the people who are not shouty asses when things get rushed or who did not understand that he was planning to get up and had to get a teenager up. Maybe that was not ideal but whatever, it pales in comparison to the shouting if ds is slow.

Stop doing everything for him.
He obviously does not like you or love you.
Take steps to leave, then leave.
This is really bad for your happiness and well- being but also for your son.

You both sound like people who could be very happy and likable people to live with, but you just cannot do that with each other. You are each other's polar opposites. The things he likes, you hate. The things you like, he hates. There is no common ground, no laughing, no interesting conversations, no closeness, no care. Neither of you think the marriage is important or likeable enough to save so just give it up and live the lives you want to live.

Also, don't put the blame on the dog for this. This is between two grown humans. You also don't want to actually be the dog, you don't particularly like your husband. I think you'd hate it if he wanted to spend all his time with you, have you sitting with him on the sofa all night, go everywhere with you. Your relationship isn't like that, you are both happier doing your own thing.

I’m not avoiding hee question, why on earth would I. It is not normal in a healthy marriage where the two people like each other. It is totally normal when they dislike each other. He tries to talk to her. When he comes home. She is not liking this as it’s about his work. They don’t engage further. Totally normal in a dead marriage where neither party likes the other.

So, he annoys you even when he does do it and he doesn’t do it with a good enough grace?

yoire on here complaining you do too much, how you do t like waking your kid up etc. as a pp said, you are not remotely jealous of the dog, as you’ve no more desire to be with your husband than he has to be with you

Your dh sounds emotionally unavailable and like he's given up trying to make the relationship with you work.
You need to decide if you are happy to continue with this, whether it's worth trying to fix or whether you just need to leave

The dog is nothing to do with it.

Jesus op it doesn't matter that your husband was still mopping about months after the dog died. Grief has no time limit and comes and goes in waves. For some people they can even cycle back round the stages at various times of their lives. Your poor husband getting no support in his time of need. Honestly op just leave him and let him be with someone who will be there for him in his darkest moments.

@TwinklyAmberSloth
in what way do you get on ‘fine’?

It sounds like you both hate each other to
be honest.

The curtain thing is massively passive aggressive but you know that. I’m guessing it’s just one of many things of both side which indicate you’ve stopped mattering to each other.

You need a proper conversation. Really honest and open to see if you even have a chance to reconcile but I expect it will be very hard.

*Teenager is genuinely bad at waking up. He just can't. He has two alarms including a vibrating pillow one but I can have an entire conversation with him but he just goes back to sleep if I leave.

Unless he has a medical condition, of course he can wake up.

He just can't be arsed so relies on his mummy.

Why are you still married to this man? He has no interest in you physically or mentally. He wait until he knows you are going to bed before going into sitting room thus avoiding you on purpose. In your position I'd want out of this sham marriage and want to move on with my life withore positivity.

All of this is irrelevant - it’s just noise.

For example, we have two DS with ASD and both work. I lie in a lot, we have unequal splits of work for a variety of factors. Life is stressful.

We laugh, play games, enjoy each other, enjoy the kids, go out together and separately.

We are friends and like each other first and foremost.

There is no relationship if a basic foundation isn’t there.

You're not second place to a dog: he's using the dog to get back at you.

That said, the last time someone woke me at 7.30am on a Saturday morning I was absolutely livid. If he's late for something because of this, it's his look-out and not your problem. Let him get on with it.

OP, I don’t think you’re coming across as controlling or unreasonable. In your place, I’d suggest couples counselling to DH, in the hope that the relationship can be salvaged; if he doesn’t agree, that would be it, and at least you tried.

I know the business with the curtains isn’t the point, or not the whole point, but I’m amazed so many people have focused on it. I leave my curtains open night and day, and wake up pretty much when I need to, regardless of the season and whether or not it’s dark outside. Do people really startle awake just because there’s a bit of daylight in the room?

You've described two incompatible people cohabiting.

Not sure why you're opening curtains while someone is still in bed. Just because you got up?! Leave the room quietly.

So do I just have nothing to do with anything football related, let DS sleep in and let DH just deal with it?
Absolutely. He is their dad, he manages it his way. It might not be the best or the way of your choice but he has a right to deal with the situation as he sees fit.

My OH also sees himself as very laid back and not controlling, but he is because he has the inner belief that his way is the right way and that I should therefore align more to how he does things. When I don't, he start acting passive aggressive. I recognise a bit of this behaviour in your posts. I could be totally wrong, but I might not be.

And yes, the way you end up dealing with it is by removing yourself from situations where you feel observed and where there is an unsaid expectation of behaving in a certain way.

20cm or not, already awake or not, the act of opening the curtain is passing the message that you think he needs to get up and that if you think he should, that's what he should do. This is what readers are picking on that you don't seem to recognise.

Why are you staying married, you clearly dislike him, every post Is ramping up just how bad he is, and telling us how good you are, how innocent, how much you do.

assuming that’d correct, and it’s all him, then why on earth are you staying with him. Is it money?