DH and I have 3 kids.
We get on fine. No arguments.
But he hardly speaks to me and everything I love/do seems to irritate him. He is just so grumpy.
This morning he was clearly annoyed at me for opening the curtains at 7.30am. I'm an early riser. I go to bed 10pm and read, then try and sleep. I love mornings. DH goes to bed 11.30pm to midnight.
When he then got up 20 mins later, he didn't speak to me at all. He went straight down stairs and was playing with the dog.
He then has a shower, still doesn't speak to me, takes the dog for a walk, then takes DS to footy after shouting at DS (15) to get up. He let DS stay up til midnight then wondered why he wouldn't get up, so I was left to do the wake the teenager bit while DH walked the dog.
On a work day, he comes home then goes straight to the dog. He never asks how my day was. He will then come into the lounge 20 mins later after getting changed and tell me about his work.
I'm a little untidy. He picks up anything of mine and throws it in my office and moans. Ditto for kids stuff. Yet doesn't mind the dog hair everywhere and rolls his eyes if I comment on it.
Every evening he sits with dog on the sofa in his man cave, watching TV whilst on his phone. I sit on my own, or play the piano, or read. He then appears in the lounge about 10.15pm as I am about to go to bed. He hates books, he dislikes music and noise.
I work around 40 hours per week term time, and some work in school holidays. He works 37 hours a week and has flexi time and can WFH half the week. I do all the meal planning, cooking, organising kids stuff (except footy), cleaning, kids evening activities, school stuff.
I'm a lively cheerful person who likes people and has lots of hobbies yet I feel so lonely and dull. He genuinely seems to have no interest in me. Not physically and not mentally. Surely this is not normal for married life? Why doesn't he just divorce me and marry the dog?
I'm not a dog person. But when the last dog died 13 years ago DH was the most miserable git ever, so I had to agree to another dog as it was unbearable. I put rules in place e.g. sleep in utility room, not on furniture unless invited, not upstairs etc... but every single boundary I requested has been ignored.
Even when I do try and have a conversation, he seems to argue the opposite just for the sake of it. A motorbike did a wheelie down our road the other week and I said "what a nob head" and DH muttered "oh FFS just shut up". He likes motorbikes. He spends all weekend in the mancave watching bike racing.
If I'm not being unreasonable, would counselling fix this?
YABU: this is normal. men prefer dogs to people.
YANBU: this is not normal. couples talk and take interest in each others life.