To feel jealous of the dog

That's a fair enough comment. I was just trying to avoid him shouting and swearing at DS for not getting up on time as otherwise he would have jumped out of bed 8am, showered then taken the dog straight out then got in a right strop when DS wasn't up and ready
But that was for him to manage. You do come across as quite controlling and that he has just checked out.

People who are controlling by nature are overbearing. After a while, you just want peace and quiet. It sounds like you have both given up.

Just split up. You're clearly making each other's lives miserable. It's not a question of one being right and one wrong, you're just incompatible. You only have one life, for both of your sakes, just split up and find a way to enjoy your lives again.

(But don't open the curtains when your next partner is sleeping. I'd divorce you for that well before you showed a weird lack of compassion for someone who was grieving).

This is a new on on me, the crime of the century in MN world is to open curtains whilst someone is still asleep, unreal.

OP, your husband sounds like an absolute arsehole who views you with contempt and doesn't remotely like you or respect you let alone love you.

Divorce him and let him and the dog live together in blissful adoration.

And before anyone starts frothing and wailing - I am a dog person, have had several throughout my life but never put love, affection and interest in them or for them above love, affection for and interest in my husband and children.

In the meantime stop doing anything for him, if he doesn't wake/get up early enough - tough his problem. Stop running around after him and making his life easier leave him to his own devices.

This is a new on on me, the crime of the century in MN world is to open curtains whilst someone is still asleep, unreal.

It's rude and thoughtless but I don't recall reading anyone saying it's 'the crime of the century'?

This has nothing to do with the dog. The dog has no choice in who it lives with. To be fair to your husband, he does take care of the dog's needs by walking it and giving it company and attention. Most dog breeds shed fur so that comes with the territory. I'd be annoyed if I was woken up by someone opening the curtains too.

Sorry to be another one focussing on the curtains, but you don’t do that! Firstly, it’s bloody rude if someone is still in bed, and secondly, your husband isn’t a child. You shouldn’t be deciding when he needs to get up. That’s his decision, even if he messes it up. What you did with the curtains sounds like a purposeful, aggressive thing. I’d be pissed off too.

So, you’ve put your husband in a bad mood for the rest of the day. Is he cruelly ignoring you to punish you, or is he miserable and taking refuge in the company of the dog? Is he depressed? Has he mentally checked out of the marriage? Only you’ll know. Speak to him at a time you’re both calm and see if you can repair things (if you want to).

Give over , he’s an adult if he doesn’t get up then he misses doing whatever he was due to do .

In what way do you "get on fine"? He pretty much ignores you.

I’m an early riser. If I want my child to get up, I go into their room and tell them to do so, nicely. Time to get up. If they refused I’d up the pressure or let them miss whatever they were due to do. I’d not send my husband in, as we are equal parents,

secondly if he’s laying in I’d put my head round door and say hey it’s 7.30. I’d never dream of just walking in and opening the curtains. How rude and controlling. If he did it to me, there would be all out hell to pay. I’d not need to post about it, you’d all hear me.

if you wish to play piano it’s fine for him to sit elsewhere, he doesn’t need to sit and listen on the regular. Same if you wish to watch different programs.

if you’re unhappy about the home chores split then talk to him about it. But it feels like you have tried to sound the klaxon with it to get people on side.

ypu also say you’re messy and he chucks your stuff in your office, and it’s clearly enough stuff it annoys you. But don’t accept it annoying him when it’s in the communal areas.

you also don’t like him coming in to talk to you about his work. Which must be clear to him, then complain he doesn’t engage further.

you don’t like him, so instead of trying to rally mumsnet to tell you how shit he is. Accept it’s a two way thing.you either both try to fix this or you end it. But this is not you are an angelic partner and he’s a complete shit. It’s both of you.

Why would you want to spend any time with him?

Your poor kids

He ALWAYS seems to ignore me. It's like I don't exist. He does it to the kids too. He just does his own thing like we don't exist.

and yet….?

That’s hard to understand, how is opening the curtains an attempt to get your son up? It only makes sense if you all sleep in one room?

Aren’t they old enough to ask for lunch or make their own?

Who looks after your poor dog if you're both working 37 - 40 hours?

They don't need to actually say the words they are showing they think it is by way they are over reacting to it and going on and on about it portraying it as a major incident.

Wife opens curtains whilst husband still asleep - husband is right to ignore wife and should divorce her for that calumny alone. I am only surprised the OP has not been accused of being abusive for said offence, mind you we've had her branded as controlling calling her abusive is probably not far behind.

Hmm nah, I think you're just exaggerating to try and bolster your point.

It's just rude and thoughtless behaviour and nothing anyone can say really changes that.

Yep and everyone ignoring that OP works full time and does more hours than him, and also does all the cooking and cleaning too.

DH is not deliberately ignoring me because I opened the curtains. He ALWAYS seems to ignore me. It's like I don't exist. He does it to the kids too. He just does his own thing like we don't exist.

I went out to help a friend one Sunday for a few hours and got back 3pm to find the kids hadn't had lunch. As soon as I walked through the door they asked me what was for lunch! DH was in his man cave doing stuff. I asked him why he hadn't fed the kids (nicely!) and he said "oh, I wasn't hungry". It's like the whole wife and kids thing doesn't seem to exist in his brain.

But he isn't a horrible person. He just seems totally self absorbed but not doing it deliberately.

He is a horrible person and he is doing it deliberately. I bet he feeds the dog whether he himself is hungry or not.

Your husband is not interested in you, your children or family life. You and your children would be better off without him in fact I doubt any of you would miss him as he is so absent from your lives except to shout and swear at you.

Edit for spelling.

No but it’s a sign that he annoys her as much as she annoys him, and they probably don’t like each other that much.

It's just rude and thoughtless behaviour and nothing anyone can say really changes that.

Her husband's behaviour is far more rude and thoughtless, but hey OP opened the curtains so his terrible behaviour towards her and the children fades into insignificance.