To not let my younger daughter lend her sister the money for school trip?

Yes how would that conversation go. the 14-year-old child being responsible for putting money aside because the grown adult mum chooses to work part-time at a supermarket instead of getting some type of skill and working full-time at something that pays enough to support them. And let's give the deadbeat father who's not paying any maintenance a free pass too and let those young children know that they are the ones responsible for their finances not the adults involved

This is the way perhaps. It is really difficult and you can't magic up money you haven't got. However having managed to pay for the trip it is a shame to have it spoilt for your daughter. Have a chat with your older daughter and point out that she's in this pickle in part because she does not save anything from her own birthday and Christmas money. Let her borrow the money but with a concrete arrange ment for paying it back. Does she get pocket money? I would have her pay her sister a little every week and not just wait for xmas/birthday else you might find you're under pressure to let her off because she wants for something else emotionally important that has cropped up in the meatime.

My 14 year old is going on a three day school trip to London next week. I have been paying for it in instalments since the beginning of the year and have finally managed to get the main cost paid. She is really looking forward to it and has been talking about it for months. But the school has now sent a message saying they need to bring money for food, drinks and an evening activity which isn’t included. Apparently most of the children are taking at least £50. My daughter says she will be the only one without it and is getting very upset about the whole thing.

I work part time in a supermarket and get Universal Credit. Money is tight at the moment and I honestly haven’t got £50 spare. I have told her I can give her £15 and pack some food for her, but she says her friends will all be buying things throughout the day and she will be embarrassed taking a packed lunch. She also says the evening activity is something they are all doing and she doesn’t want to sit in the hotel while everyone else goes. I do understand that she wants to fit in, but I have already paid for the trip itself and can’t just magic up another £50. I have said she needs to be grateful she is going at all, which probably wasn’t the most helpful thing to say.

My younger daughter is 10 and has been saving for a new phone. She has a little tin in her bedroom and has about £80 in it from birthdays, Christmas and money relatives have given her. She has been saving for ages and keeps looking at phones online. Anyway she overheard me and her sister talking about the trip and offered to lend her £30. She said she doesn’t mind and can save it up again, and that she wants her sister to have a nice time. She wasn’t being forced or anything, she came out with it herself. But I said no straight away and told her that her money was hers and she didn’t need to pay for her sister’s school trip.

This is where it has all kicked off really. My older daughter said that her sister had offered and I was being unfair by stopping her. She said she would pay her back when she gets her birthday money, although that isn’t until next year. I said that isn’t really the point and that a 10 year old shouldn’t be lending her savings to make up for what I can’t afford. She called me mean and said I was making her feel guilty for wanting to go on the trip. I know she is disappointed but I don’t think it is unreasonable to say no. I don’t want her thinking that because her sister has some savings, she can just use them whenever she wants something.

My younger daughter is now upset with me too. She keeps saying she offered because she wanted to and that I have made it into a big thing. She has even asked if she can give her sister the money without telling me, which obviously isn’t happening. The girls were getting on quite well before this but now they are arguing about it. My older one says her sister doesn’t mind and my younger one says I am stopping her doing something kind. I don’t want either of them feeling responsible for the other’s money problems, if that makes sense. But I also don’t want to make my eldest feel like she can’t have the same experiences as her friends.

The school has said they can bring packed lunches, and the evening activity is an extra thing they have arranged while they are in London. I don’t think the school has offered any financial help, although I haven’t actually asked them directly yet. I could email and explain the situation, but I feel embarrassed doing that after managing to pay the main trip cost. My daughter says everyone has been told to bring spending money and that the teachers won’t want to hear about it. I don’t know how much of that is actually true. She has also said she will just go without food rather than take what I pack, which is worrying me.

AIBU to refuse to let my younger daughter lend her sister the money? Should my older daughter just accept that she can’t have the extras and go with the £15 I can afford, or should I be asking the school about help? I don’t want to take the trip away from her because she has been looking forward to it, but I can’t afford to keep adding money to it. And I don’t think it is right for a 10 year old to feel she needs to help pay for her sister’s school trip, even if she has offered. What would you do?

I do. Twenty years in disability support. The bar for mental health conditions is set very high. There is no separate provision for ADHD or Autism. Claimants need to be in receipt of secondary, consultant led care to qualify. GP led treatment doesn’t count.

I WOULD have a serious conversation with your older daughter about financial responsibility though, and the need for HER to put some money aside for when unexpected costs crop up

We are talking about a 14 year old girl who doesn’t get any pocket and only receives a little cash at Christmas and birthdays @Reallyneedsaholiday

I’m not sure what you mean? I know of many people who claim for MH and are no longer open to a mental health team

But they have been at some point ? My point here is that primary care (GP) treated anxiety and depression doesn’t usually result in a successful claim for PIP. The bar is set very high, and stand alone MH claims are normally for long standing and significant mental health conditions which severely impact daily life.

Her younger sister managed it.

I understand that, my point is that many don’t spend it on disability related expenses and use it as an income

Depends on what you think disability related expenses actually are. Virtually anything can be disability related. Several of the claimants l worked with had severe mobility problems and lived alone. Everything was more expensive in terms of cleaners, someone to do the garden, higher energy costs connected to incontinence - increased bathing/laundry. Being unable to use public transport significantly increases travel costs. If you have a genuinely significant disability there are always extra costs - many of then hidden. Same for MH issues. If your life is significantly impacted there will be a financial impact too.

yeah well I don’t think it’s intended for takeaways, fags or weed which many people I know spend it on. I know a young man with asd claiming it and he does homers with his uncles a few times a week, goes clubbing and holiday with friends, there is nothing disability related he is spending it on

Her younger sister managed it.

It is not unusual for a ten year old to have less expenses than a fourteen year old.

A lot of people have been empathetic about OP’s situation, then there is the rude people who wouldn’t have a clue how to budget.

Working more hours as a single parent doesn’t pay unless you are earning a decent wage, by increasing minimum wage hours it reduces the other benefits, school lunch, housing benefit, UC. it doesn’t pay to work FT. It’s the poverty trap.

OP I hope you get sorted.

Absolutely heartbreaking that the OP thinks it the 14year old responsibility to pay back the trip spends from her Christmas money. It is the OP responsibility to pay back.

It is not unusual for a ten year old to have less expenses than a fourteen year old.

A lot of people have been empathetic about OP’s situation, then there is the rude people who wouldn’t have a clue how to budget.

Working more hours as a single parent doesn’t pay unless you are earning a decent wage, by increasing minimum wage hours it reduces the other benefits, school lunch, housing benefit, UC. it doesn’t pay to work FT. It’s the poverty trap.

OP I hope you get sorted.

My 14 year old is going on a three day school trip to London next week. I have been paying for it in instalments since the beginning of the year and have finally managed to get the main cost paid. She is really looking forward to it and has been talking about it for months. But the school has now sent a message saying they need to bring money for food, drinks and an evening activity which isn’t included. Apparently most of the children are taking at least £50. My daughter says she will be the only one without it and is getting very upset about the whole thing.

I work part time in a supermarket and get Universal Credit. Money is tight at the moment and I honestly haven’t got £50 spare. I have told her I can give her £15 and pack some food for her, but she says her friends will all be buying things throughout the day and she will be embarrassed taking a packed lunch. She also says the evening activity is something they are all doing and she doesn’t want to sit in the hotel while everyone else goes. I do understand that she wants to fit in, but I have already paid for the trip itself and can’t just magic up another £50. I have said she needs to be grateful she is going at all, which probably wasn’t the most helpful thing to say.

My younger daughter is 10 and has been saving for a new phone. She has a little tin in her bedroom and has about £80 in it from birthdays, Christmas and money relatives have given her. She has been saving for ages and keeps looking at phones online. Anyway she overheard me and her sister talking about the trip and offered to lend her £30. She said she doesn’t mind and can save it up again, and that she wants her sister to have a nice time. She wasn’t being forced or anything, she came out with it herself. But I said no straight away and told her that her money was hers and she didn’t need to pay for her sister’s school trip.

This is where it has all kicked off really. My older daughter said that her sister had offered and I was being unfair by stopping her. She said she would pay her back when she gets her birthday money, although that isn’t until next year. I said that isn’t really the point and that a 10 year old shouldn’t be lending her savings to make up for what I can’t afford. She called me mean and said I was making her feel guilty for wanting to go on the trip. I know she is disappointed but I don’t think it is unreasonable to say no. I don’t want her thinking that because her sister has some savings, she can just use them whenever she wants something.

My younger daughter is now upset with me too. She keeps saying she offered because she wanted to and that I have made it into a big thing. She has even asked if she can give her sister the money without telling me, which obviously isn’t happening. The girls were getting on quite well before this but now they are arguing about it. My older one says her sister doesn’t mind and my younger one says I am stopping her doing something kind. I don’t want either of them feeling responsible for the other’s money problems, if that makes sense. But I also don’t want to make my eldest feel like she can’t have the same experiences as her friends.

The school has said they can bring packed lunches, and the evening activity is an extra thing they have arranged while they are in London. I don’t think the school has offered any financial help, although I haven’t actually asked them directly yet. I could email and explain the situation, but I feel embarrassed doing that after managing to pay the main trip cost. My daughter says everyone has been told to bring spending money and that the teachers won’t want to hear about it. I don’t know how much of that is actually true. She has also said she will just go without food rather than take what I pack, which is worrying me.

AIBU to refuse to let my younger daughter lend her sister the money? Should my older daughter just accept that she can’t have the extras and go with the £15 I can afford, or should I be asking the school about help? I don’t want to take the trip away from her because she has been looking forward to it, but I can’t afford to keep adding money to it. And I don’t think it is right for a 10 year old to feel she needs to help pay for her sister’s school trip, even if she has offered. What would you do?

It is the trap. Many do think why work extra hours as what I earn will be similar minus extra uc

but surely they would get their wages. The extra wages /extra hours takes down their uc but will still get 55p from each £1 of uc

all on uc get free school meals now

Depends on what the work allowance is. UC add together the personal allowance and rent as a maximum award. Once earned income reduces the UC total allowance to zero the claim would close, and any rent contribution would stop too.