To not let my younger daughter lend her sister the money for school trip?

Is there a way that people could donate a little something to give your daughter a lovely trip. Not sure this is allowed but I’d happily chip in - maybe go fund me…

How, pray tell? My father never paid for me, worked cash/ under the table jobs so he wouldn't have to help

No. OP has options to pay for this herself and plenty of options in the future to improve things by working more. She works part time. I was a single parent to two kids as well. I didn’t work part time when they were little and I certainly don’t work part time now that they are older. OP does not need to be home in time for school finishing with the ages they are so she can work more.

No. OP has options to pay for this herself and plenty of options in the future to improve things by working more. She works part time. I was a single parent to two kids as well. I didn’t work part time when they were little and I certainly don’t work part time now that they are older. OP does not need to be home in time for school finishing with the ages they are so she can work more.

It's possible to tip off the revenue if someone is doing that. That said, I wish that fathers who didn't pay child support were punished more harshly. That is one area in which the US is superior to us. They have wage garnishment and prison for those who fail to pay.

Absolutely. Plenty of parents work full-time with DC of the ages of the OP's DC. The 14 yo can keep an eye on the 10 yo, and start cooking family supper etc. The OP sounds a bit of a wet weekend and not very proactive. (and where is the DCs' father in all this?)

Poor lass, it would have been better for her not to have the trip than have to miss out on going to the theatre, and subsisting on stale sandwiches.

See I don’t think £50 is bad over 3 days that’s 15 per day. I’d happily give it

Totally agree, I get attacked on here when I suggest what people are receiving and yet it’s the truth, I’m not trying to upset or degrade anyone, I work with it every day and am shocked sometimes as a lot of people especially when on pip have more disposable income than myself. Its there to look up online and yet people think I’m heartless for stating a fact.

The teachers choose to be on this trip. They choose the trip. It is not forced on them.
Whether teachers get paid expenses whilst on a trip I don’t know.
There needs to be a better way of funding or choosing school trips. No child should feel left out. No family should have children lending each other money for food.

My 14 year old is going on a three day school trip to London next week. I have been paying for it in instalments since the beginning of the year and have finally managed to get the main cost paid. She is really looking forward to it and has been talking about it for months. But the school has now sent a message saying they need to bring money for food, drinks and an evening activity which isn’t included. Apparently most of the children are taking at least £50. My daughter says she will be the only one without it and is getting very upset about the whole thing.

I work part time in a supermarket and get Universal Credit. Money is tight at the moment and I honestly haven’t got £50 spare. I have told her I can give her £15 and pack some food for her, but she says her friends will all be buying things throughout the day and she will be embarrassed taking a packed lunch. She also says the evening activity is something they are all doing and she doesn’t want to sit in the hotel while everyone else goes. I do understand that she wants to fit in, but I have already paid for the trip itself and can’t just magic up another £50. I have said she needs to be grateful she is going at all, which probably wasn’t the most helpful thing to say.

My younger daughter is 10 and has been saving for a new phone. She has a little tin in her bedroom and has about £80 in it from birthdays, Christmas and money relatives have given her. She has been saving for ages and keeps looking at phones online. Anyway she overheard me and her sister talking about the trip and offered to lend her £30. She said she doesn’t mind and can save it up again, and that she wants her sister to have a nice time. She wasn’t being forced or anything, she came out with it herself. But I said no straight away and told her that her money was hers and she didn’t need to pay for her sister’s school trip.

This is where it has all kicked off really. My older daughter said that her sister had offered and I was being unfair by stopping her. She said she would pay her back when she gets her birthday money, although that isn’t until next year. I said that isn’t really the point and that a 10 year old shouldn’t be lending her savings to make up for what I can’t afford. She called me mean and said I was making her feel guilty for wanting to go on the trip. I know she is disappointed but I don’t think it is unreasonable to say no. I don’t want her thinking that because her sister has some savings, she can just use them whenever she wants something.

My younger daughter is now upset with me too. She keeps saying she offered because she wanted to and that I have made it into a big thing. She has even asked if she can give her sister the money without telling me, which obviously isn’t happening. The girls were getting on quite well before this but now they are arguing about it. My older one says her sister doesn’t mind and my younger one says I am stopping her doing something kind. I don’t want either of them feeling responsible for the other’s money problems, if that makes sense. But I also don’t want to make my eldest feel like she can’t have the same experiences as her friends.

The school has said they can bring packed lunches, and the evening activity is an extra thing they have arranged while they are in London. I don’t think the school has offered any financial help, although I haven’t actually asked them directly yet. I could email and explain the situation, but I feel embarrassed doing that after managing to pay the main trip cost. My daughter says everyone has been told to bring spending money and that the teachers won’t want to hear about it. I don’t know how much of that is actually true. She has also said she will just go without food rather than take what I pack, which is worrying me.

AIBU to refuse to let my younger daughter lend her sister the money? Should my older daughter just accept that she can’t have the extras and go with the £15 I can afford, or should I be asking the school about help? I don’t want to take the trip away from her because she has been looking forward to it, but I can’t afford to keep adding money to it. And I don’t think it is right for a 10 year old to feel she needs to help pay for her sister’s school trip, even if she has offered. What would you do?

No sorry! She is 16, a child. she shouldn’t be saving up spending money for her own school trip. That’s for her mum to provide! The only thing a 16 year old should be saving for is for a shopping trip with her mates. I get really annoyed at the amount of adults on threads like this that think it’s acceptable to make children pay for bills, school trips, holidays. Once they are a self sufficient adult, absolutely but not a 16 year old girl! Bills and everyday expenses are not your children’s responsibility. Do better!

You seem to have missed the point. The OP does not have the £50.

I imagine she would happily give it if she could, given that she has brought up a 10 year old who is willing to share like this.

My 14 year old is going on a three day school trip to London next week. I have been paying for it in instalments since the beginning of the year and have finally managed to get the main cost paid. She is really looking forward to it and has been talking about it for months. But the school has now sent a message saying they need to bring money for food, drinks and an evening activity which isn’t included. Apparently most of the children are taking at least £50. My daughter says she will be the only one without it and is getting very upset about the whole thing.

I work part time in a supermarket and get Universal Credit. Money is tight at the moment and I honestly haven’t got £50 spare. I have told her I can give her £15 and pack some food for her, but she says her friends will all be buying things throughout the day and she will be embarrassed taking a packed lunch. She also says the evening activity is something they are all doing and she doesn’t want to sit in the hotel while everyone else goes. I do understand that she wants to fit in, but I have already paid for the trip itself and can’t just magic up another £50. I have said she needs to be grateful she is going at all, which probably wasn’t the most helpful thing to say.

My younger daughter is 10 and has been saving for a new phone. She has a little tin in her bedroom and has about £80 in it from birthdays, Christmas and money relatives have given her. She has been saving for ages and keeps looking at phones online. Anyway she overheard me and her sister talking about the trip and offered to lend her £30. She said she doesn’t mind and can save it up again, and that she wants her sister to have a nice time. She wasn’t being forced or anything, she came out with it herself. But I said no straight away and told her that her money was hers and she didn’t need to pay for her sister’s school trip.

This is where it has all kicked off really. My older daughter said that her sister had offered and I was being unfair by stopping her. She said she would pay her back when she gets her birthday money, although that isn’t until next year. I said that isn’t really the point and that a 10 year old shouldn’t be lending her savings to make up for what I can’t afford. She called me mean and said I was making her feel guilty for wanting to go on the trip. I know she is disappointed but I don’t think it is unreasonable to say no. I don’t want her thinking that because her sister has some savings, she can just use them whenever she wants something.

My younger daughter is now upset with me too. She keeps saying she offered because she wanted to and that I have made it into a big thing. She has even asked if she can give her sister the money without telling me, which obviously isn’t happening. The girls were getting on quite well before this but now they are arguing about it. My older one says her sister doesn’t mind and my younger one says I am stopping her doing something kind. I don’t want either of them feeling responsible for the other’s money problems, if that makes sense. But I also don’t want to make my eldest feel like she can’t have the same experiences as her friends.

The school has said they can bring packed lunches, and the evening activity is an extra thing they have arranged while they are in London. I don’t think the school has offered any financial help, although I haven’t actually asked them directly yet. I could email and explain the situation, but I feel embarrassed doing that after managing to pay the main trip cost. My daughter says everyone has been told to bring spending money and that the teachers won’t want to hear about it. I don’t know how much of that is actually true. She has also said she will just go without food rather than take what I pack, which is worrying me.

AIBU to refuse to let my younger daughter lend her sister the money? Should my older daughter just accept that she can’t have the extras and go with the £15 I can afford, or should I be asking the school about help? I don’t want to take the trip away from her because she has been looking forward to it, but I can’t afford to keep adding money to it. And I don’t think it is right for a 10 year old to feel she needs to help pay for her sister’s school trip, even if she has offered. What would you do?

Just an update as I have heard back from the school this morning and it has cleared a few things up.

The £50 isn’t actually all for spending money. The school has included money for food on the days when they aren’t providing it, drinks and snacks, and the evening activity which is a theatre show. The main trip cost covers the travel, hotel, breakfast and some of the meals, but not everything. I hadn’t realised there were quite so many extras when I agreed to the trip.

They have said the children can take packed lunches and snacks, and they will be able to refill water bottles. The teachers aren’t expecting everyone to spend £50, but they suggested that amount so the children have enough for the three days. The theatre trip is optional, although my daughter says everyone is going.

The school has also said they can help with the cost of the theatre activity if we need it. They are going to check whether there is any other funding available for food and spending money too. I am waiting to hear about that.

I am relieved they have been helpful, as I was worried they would just say it was too late to ask.