To not let my younger daughter lend her sister the money for school trip?

Probably only works part time because she will get more in benefits AND be able to spend more time with her family.

I'm not digging at her either- if I could earn the same through benefits as I do working full time I would too, especially if it's meant more time with my family. System is fucked.

Completely agree. It's so depressing that some people think that older DD paying younger DD back will "teach her how to manage finances/budget/financial responsibility". This is a young girl who gets no pocket money, and rather than spending her birthday/Christmas money on herself, the ONLY two occasions a year that she gets money for herself, she apparently should be paying off a school trip from months ago.

OP I feel for you with your financial situation, but you do need to look at bringing more money into your household as your children are intervening in basic financial upkeep.

This 100%. OP needs to a) Work more hours and b) make an effort to go after her ex for maintenance.

Let her borrow it from her sister.

I’ll send you £20. Sounds like you’re having a tough time and the fact your youngest child offered up her savings absolutely tells me what a great mum you are.

of course I understand online scams etc, and I’m sure I’ll get piled on for my offer, but I’m an adult and Ive weighed option up before my offer.

if you have PayPal or something just inbox me and I’ll send it.

Yes but many people don’t spend it on this, many do but I’m not speaking about them

I would also point out to school that it was very unreasonable of them to drop an extra activity that requires money on parents so close to the trip.
Do you have any family members that vould help out with 'an early Christmas present' of some money

I always think these threads are interesting when they start mentioning family giving money towards things for Christmas or using pocket money.
Not sure of the OPs situation, but birthday and Christmas money doesn't last long these days and really depends on the size of your family as to whether you get much. My kids probably get £150 which sounds a lot but if my son buys a game for his switch that's around £40 gone. My kids aren't into brands yet, but if they were the rest could easily be spent on a pair of trainers or a branded top for example.

The OPs eldest is 14 so might also be expected to use this money for make up if she wears it, her phone, going out with friends e.g. food at McDonald's, swimming, cinema tickets. If she met with her friends once a week doing something then I can imagine £10-20 being spent easily.

So who are you talking about?

Things that cost me more due to disability.

I have to have a dishwasher because I cannot stand at the sink.
I have to buy 'prepared' veg rather than washing and chopping my own veg.
I have a skin condition so I use more water than I would otherwise.
Because of the skin condition my shampoo costs £10 to £12.
I have to use a mobility scooter if I want to go to a local shop, obviously I had to buy the scooter and insure it and I pay for the electric to power it.
I have falls, sometimes I land on my glasses so I have to replace them.
I had the bathroom light bulb changed for a motion sensor bulb because I cannot always pull the light cord.
Most of my lights have smart bulbs and I operate them via Alexa.

Have you ever considered the above?

Yes,im definiteld myself, i dont know why you replied when i said your not who im speaking about. There are lots of people who claim and do not spend it on disability related things, that’s who I am talking about. Like my cousin with adhd, he doesn’t spend any of it for his disability, most of it is spent on takeaways and gaming. You don’t need to get offended when I am not talking about you

I WOULD have a serious conversation with your older daughter about financial responsibility though, and the need for HER to put some money aside for when unexpected costs crop up

We are talking about a 14 year old girl who doesn’t get any pocket and only receives a little cash at Christmas and birthdays @Reallyneedsaholiday

Surely you have heard back from the school now @OneSunnyGreenTurtle ? Re any support

She already updated yesterday that they will support with the event cost and will look into further funding for spends.

Oh brilliant

I’d be complaining strongly to the school that the clear cost of the trip wasn’t set out. Do they offer assistance to families with such costs? I know my kids’ school does.

Very surprised the 'optional' activity is a theatre trip, surely that'd have needed to be booked way in advance for a whole school group? It's not the sort of thing you could usually add onto a day in London on short notice for a big group? Also what's the plan for if kids don't go? An evening in the hotel/hostel? Who's supervising them? Sound like school will be able to help with this, which is good, definitely take them up on whatever support they offer. Many theatre tickets are £50 or above on their own!

Also, how many meals are they expected to buy?
For £50, even an am-dram production which would be cheap at £10, would leave £40, which tbh I would find difficult to get 2 meals out of in Central London! If it's just service stations on the coach there and back, that's maybe reasonable (decent meal before she goes, packed snack for coach and then she can buy on way home), but if there's sit down meals booked, £40 is unlikely to buy 2! Is the school recommending £50, or a minimum of £50?
Ask the school for more info, and have a look at the menus online, and discuss in advance with your daughter what is reasonable to spend in different places. If it's stuff like, food market over lunchtime, or everyone can buy lunch whilst they're out in wherever, discuss priorities with your daughter, and that a £6 fancy coffee may mean she can't then buy a souvenir or whatever.
It sounds like the £50 is how much it'll actually cost to be on the trip, so there doesn't seem like much of an option for DD to go without it. I think in terms of school support, for many schools, the thing they can't/won't help with is spending money, so hopefully they're able to classify some bits as essential or part of the trip!

You haven't mentioned when they're going, but is it possible for you to free up a bit of money from your food budget over the next couple of weeks? Could you eat what's in the freezer/cupboard for two nights a week, or cut out branded snacks for a while? Also what other have said about selling a few bits on vinted.

Long term, I'd consider speaking to your kids about wanting to increase your hours to increase income (so you can start giving them pocket money, pay for trips, put money away for emergencies etc), and that as part of that, you may be asking them to take on more around the house. If it's possible to extend your hours a bit, then that may mean they walk home from school and are in the house together/alone for a bit, they get chores to do etc, and that in return for that they get pocket money and some free run of the house. It sounds like the youngest is sensible and would cope with this fine from what you've said. Set the ground rules on pocket money, and what they need to pay for themselves, what gets saved for future, and what gets saved for short term. You can't expect them to be sensible and saving with bday/Xmas money if it's literally all they get, and I imagine they're not getting loads anyway. Ideally they should get enough to do something with their friends every few weeks, and to save a bit to buy what they want, but not so much they say yes to everything.
Stuff like residential school trips we always knew in advance we had to save up some spending money, but to save you have to have regular income! If your kids want to earn extra, then selling stuff they've outgrown on hinted, dog walking or babysitting for neighbours etc, or paper round may be a possibility.

It sounds like you're in a really precarious situation at the moment, and I feel for you, but the situation won't change unless you do something about it. In the short term, accept the loan from your youngest, make a plan to pay it back, and then start thinking longer term. Get more info from school about the spending money, and discuss with your daughter what money she'll have and where she might spend it, and start putting some money away as savings (even small change in a jar, or a round up pot in a banking app), as expenses like this will pop up more as the girls get older.

I don't believe anyone gets PIP for just ADHD.

How do you know the takeaways and gaming re not to do with his disability.

Yes how would that conversation go. the 14-year-old child being responsible for putting money aside because the grown adult mum chooses to work part-time at a supermarket instead of getting some type of skill and working full-time at something that pays enough to support them. And let's give the deadbeat father who's not paying any maintenance a free pass too and let those young children know that they are the ones responsible for their finances not the adults involved

Only on the Internet do people with "adhd" get PIp meanwhile in real life.

Very surprised the 'optional' activity is a theatre trip, surely that'd have needed to be booked way in advance for a whole school group?

good point. Firstly they’d be some kids who definitely wouldn’t want to go to the theatre optionally

secondly - means teacher/s wouldn’t go because they’d have to stay with those that couldn’t or didn’t want to go

I was going to comment that you have a really lovely younger daughter! That is such a sisterly thing to offer. I am even more pleased that you some alternatives to doing this. Hope she has a great time, and give your younger daughter a big hug.

You really have no idea

Well, we don’t know what information the DD was given, what she passed on to her mother and what her mother took notice of.

It’s possible that all the information re activities and extra spending money and so on, was part of the school’s communications but overlooked. Maybe the DD is very aware of their poverty and minimised costs, maybe the OP or DD conveniently just overlooked the information.

All of these are possibilities.

This is the way perhaps. It is really difficult and you can't magic up money you haven't got. However having managed to pay for the trip it is a shame to have it spoilt for your daughter. Have a chat with your older daughter and point out that she's in this pickle in part because she does not save anything from her own birthday and Christmas money. Let her borrow the money but with a concrete arrange ment for paying it back. Does she get pocket money? I would have her pay her sister a little every week and not just wait for xmas/birthday else you might find you're under pressure to let her off because she wants for something else emotionally important that has cropped up in the meatime.

I do. Twenty years in disability support. The bar for mental health conditions is set very high. There is no separate provision for ADHD or Autism. Claimants need to be in receipt of secondary, consultant led care to qualify. GP led treatment doesn’t count.