To not let my younger daughter lend her sister the money for school trip?

You say you don't want your younger daughter to feel like she has to keep helping her sister out (which is just sisterhood in itself really) but if you stop her helping this time do you think that means she wont feel like she needs to help next time? I don't think this is really a learning opportunity because she has already shown kindness and generosity. Do you not want her to have these qualities?

I think you are making this hard for everyone involved tbh and i think it's because you feel bad that you can't afford it which is understandable but at the end of the day surely you want both your daughters to have happy memories? If she misses out on this trip she wont ever forget it and she will hold some resentment towards you. If she gets to enjoy the trip she will remember how generous her sister was and it could be great for their relationship long term.

Younger sister isn't going to be missing that £30 in years to come but the feelings and memories of missing out on a peak teen experience will last forever.

Agree. The point of a sacrifice (and most of us make sacrifices for our kids) is that it's something you carry alone, willingly, for someone else's sake (in this case: the child). The moment that burden lands on the child, it turns into a debt placed onto them, which quite defeats the purpose.

The teachers choose to be on this trip. They choose the trip. It is not forced on them.

If they don't 'choose to be on the trip' then the trip doesn't happen.

Your daughter is very kind. You need to allow her to be so.
If you are so skint why not work more hours?

Just a little note, and probably missing the point, but if your younger DD gets a refurbished phone it will cost much less - I did this recently and saved quite a few hundred quid, and the phone is great, wouldn't know it was second hand. Just went to the independent phone shop on the high street and they were great.

Your kids sound lovely @OneSunnyGreenTurtle

Let your younger DD loan the money but it has to be in writing with a repayment plan, including older DD's Xmas money.

See it as a learning opportunity.

Not sure what the school mean by food, is it all their meals for just snacks? And wasn't spending money something that would always have been on the cards? £15 for 3 days isnt going to go far.

Is there a reason you need to pick up your y6 child from school? Is it on a busy road or similar?

Extend your hours the girls will just have to get on with it.

@AhMh67 That's dreadful. I think they don't mention this, so that they get more kids to sign up. You were so fortunate that Mum helped out, I bet there are plenty that don't have help.

Not to beat a dead horse, but PLEASE look into applying for Child Maintenance payments from your daughters' father if you haven't. If he has nothing to do with them and they are with you full time, he should be paying the maximum amount as determined by his income level and adjusted for how many other children he supports. It IS his obligation, it's the girls' right, and it sounds like it could really make a difference to them. There are situations where it's impossible to claim - he lives abroad, has no income, is self-employed and manages to hide his income - but many other cases where deadbeat parents can be compelled to pay at least something.

Schools absolutely take the piss with asking for extra money as if families have bottomless bank accounts. I would make it crystal clear to the school what this situation has caused for your family. I would borrow the money from your youngest and pay it back yourself.

OP, I understand completely the feeling that it's wrong to let your youngest sub your eldest. But on the other hand, to me, the sibling relationship is SO important. If it goes well, they'll still have each other when you are long gone. And your youngest offering to do something nice for her sister is so lovely, and the fact they are now arguing is so horrible, I think you should let her lend the money, and then write up an agreement that you will pay her back £5 a week/fortnight whatever.

The school really aren’t. Every one with kids knows to send spending money on a city break residential. When OP agreed to the trip, common sense would have told her to pay the trip cost plus have money aside for spending money. Utter madness to send her kid to London for 3 days and not have planned any spending money.

The only thing the school should have included was the info and cost on the optional extra evening activity. But most kids would have had the spending money to cover that anyway.

Same, I only ever by refurbished tech now, you can even get refurbished phones from Argos, and never had any problems.

Let the sister help. Worry later how to get the money back for that little girl but for now, it solves an issue. What a lively kind daughter you have

Good answer

I'd be happy to let younger daughter lend the money - it doesn't sound like she's at all being forced or coerced into it, so if you're happy your older daughter will pay it back I can't see an issue.

I hope the school give a positive response.

I think your younger daughter sounds very kind. I understand why you're reluctant to do it though - I don't think it's a good idea to make borrowing money with only a very distant plan to repay seem OK.

I think it's very reasonable for older daughter to want to do the activity though. I'd be trying to cover the cost of that myself if the school can't help.

I have much less sympathy for the packed lunch. I always took packed lunch and still do to this day! Food is on offer. If she wants money for alternative food I'd be helping older daughter sell some of her stuff to raise some money to spend as she wishes.

You say it’s childcare stilling you from increasing from 3 days a week.. what about paying your 14 year old to babysit your younger one in order to allow you increase your hours @OneSunnyGreenTurtle ?

I don't understand you, the parent, at all. You messed up so very much.

1. Why on Earth did you agree to send your daughter away on a trip you clearly can't afford? You don't ever travel anywhere without funds in your account. What if an emergency occurs and you need to be able to pay for a taxi? A train? Medicine? If you have to pay for a trip in installments, and have nothing left for food, activities and emergencies, you're simply not in a position to travel. Sorry to say.
2. How could you ever think it's right or okay to send a child on a trip, to a big city no less, without any money? You say you had planned to give her £15, but you know what that gets you in London? A sandwich.
3. Why did you agree to pay for this trip without checking what the price actually includes? Why did it catch you by surprise that the price for the trip doesn't include food and activities? You should know what the small print says before you commit to anything. To avoid situations like the one you're in now.
4. Now that you've agreed, and allowed your daughter to get excited, you're realising that maybe it was a bad idea to agree to this trip. You seriously can't send your daughter to London with £15, so let her borrow money off of her sister if you can't provide her with more money. Or better yet: where's the father in all of this? Why can't he actually provide for his daughter? In any case, if your daughter ends up borrowing from her younger sister, you need to help them make a repayment plan. The girl shouldn't have to wait for a year to get £30 back. Maybe she can get 25% of older sister's allowance until the money is paid back?
5. Alternatively, could you take some extra shifts? Your children aren't small, so I don't quite understand why you only work part-time?

This has reminded me of my childhood. We didn’t have much money growing up but we did all have a small amount of pocket money. I was a spender, my younger brother a saver. Even age 10 he understood interest and would often lend me money but had a little book where he would write down the interest he would charge 😂 Can’t say we were surprised when he trained as an accountant!

You’re being unreasonable , you should reimburse your younger daughter

I was also the child with no spending money but because it was VERY obvious to me that there was no spare money at all, I accepted it and have suffered no trauma from growing up poor. If there genuinely is no spare money then it is what it is, but if it means sacrificing one fish and chips meal for the family, or a haircut then you are being very, very unreasonable.

I agree with a poster above, as harsh as it may sound. If you are unable to afford spending money for your DC it might be time to go full time.