To not let my younger daughter lend her sister the money for school trip?

If your children are entitled to free school meals, they are usually entitled to funding for trips etc.

Its definitely worth an ask.

Sometimes funding covers all or part of the trip cost. You could always ask them for a refund on the trip if she is covered by pupil premium and then use that for her spending money.

You do realise that without teachers going, there are no school trips at all? They don’t get paid overtime for looking after children 24/7.

No sorry! She is 16, a child. she shouldn’t be saving up spending money for her own school trip. That’s for her mum to provide! The only thing a 16 year old should be saving for is for a shopping trip with her mates. I get really annoyed at the amount of adults on threads like this that think it’s acceptable to make children pay for bills, school trips, holidays. Once they are a self sufficient adult, absolutely but not a 16 year old girl! Bills and everyday expenses are not your children’s responsibility. Do better!

@Bookbears how is saving spending money to go into town on Saturday with mates any different to saving spending money to go on a trip?

This is a mad attitude. When you go on a trip you save before you go so you can have a nice time. Nothing wrong with teaching a teenager that. I teach my own children that and they are only 4 and 6!

I’ve sent you a Pm

This is awful your poor daughter surely a person. Would realise they need spending money you have let her down £50 imo is not enough either

@OneSunnyGreenTurtle Please ignore any DMs you get about "easy ways to make money that fit around your kids WFH blah blah"

they will be MLMs guaranteed and you will lose more money than you ever put into it.

Predatory snakes the lot of them!

“Do better”? You go first - telling people who are hard up to “be less poor” is hardly very delightful.

Firstly just call the school and tell them you haven’t got the £50. Ask if they have a hardship fund or similar for this sort of discretionary spending. They should have told you earlier that the children would need spending money.

If your other DD wants to lend her sister £30 I would let her - just make sure she gets it back. It’s a kind gesture and as you don’t have the money then I’d do it rather than let DD go hungry etc on the trip, if the school can’t assist anyway.

Not relevant to the thread but I wouldn’t be letting my ten year old have a phone…

See I don’t think £50 is bad over 3 days that’s 15 per day. I’d happily give it

Great news op sounds like the school were useful. They should have been clearer from the start. If your DD still needs some extra after the theatre has been covered i definitely think it's ok for younger one to lend and you gradually pay back

Can school pay for activity? PP? Bless all of you btw, you’re a lovely family. I’d accept DD10’s kind offer and pay her back.

The school seem to have sprung this on everyone. Very bad of them - spending money should have been mentioned at the beginning. OP being unreasonable in not letting DD's sister lend her the £30 (which OP can top up with the £15). Trip money entirely wasted if DD has to sit out activities and cannot buy the odd snack over 3 days. School needs reminding that £50 is not small change to most people and to have mentioned this at the start (poor planning).
OP make an arrangement with DDs about repaying the money over a few weeks (you) or your elder DD using any Christmas money.

OP you may not know but the rules around free school meals changed recently and if you're on universal credit it might be worth applying. There are now two types, the first makes you eligible for just the meals (which would presumably help you out anyway) or you can qualify for the whole thing Then you'd be pupil premium and trips etc would be free.

It's not as easy as working extra hours I know. I do think you owe the kids an apology. They were being kind and caring to each other and although I understand you probably felt embarrassed it was a bit mean to prevent this.

I wouldn’t deprive your younger daughter of the opportunity to do something kind for her sister. It will actually make her feel good that she can do something helpful. I would make sure it’s paid back as soon as possible though. Could you come to a compromise and pay her back half yourself and her sister pay the other half? The fourteen year old really doesn’t have much capacity to pay back if she has no regular pocket money. You can’t let her go on the trip with hardly any spending money.

I’m sorry but yabu.
The little sister has offered to do a really kind thing and you are making this into something it doesn’t need to be. You should be praising the little one, letting her do what she chooses with HER money, and supporting your older daughter to make a plan to pay her sister back. That would be modelling kindness, responsibility and problem solving.

OP you sound like you are raising lovely kids.

I think your own internal frustration at not having enough money to pay for extra things for your children is spilling over in your reaction to the younger sister offering to give £30.

If you pull back from it a little, I get that you don't want the younger sister to feel obliged to pay for things, but she doesn't feel obliged. She offered. It's these things that really bond siblings together, even if you think they're sniping at each other constantly. It'll cement a lot of good things in your ten year old's brain - that she's generous, that she prioritises family, that she's good with money. This offering of money to her older sister comes with a lot of good things. Don't let your pride of "but I should be paying for this" get in the way of that.

And I know it doesn't really matter what she was saving for, it's the principle of the thing, but if this means it takes her another six months to get a phone, kind so be it. It's a good thing. See this as the Universe's way of delaying the bad stuff that can come with phones.

And this can be a great opportunity to have a good conversation with your older daughter. Be honest with her, tell her that every penny that comes in in your wages is allocated to something essential. You'd like for that to be different, but it's just the way it is. Things like this, nice to do things, are going to come up time and time again before she gets a proper job. That means that she's going to have to learn to save something from her birthday and Christmas money (and maybe babysitting/dog walking money). Make an agreement that - once she has paid off her sister - 30% of everything she gets goes into a savings account. It'll be such a good thing to learn, and a great age to learn it.

I don't understand why your younger daughter can't lend the money and YOU then pay her back as soon as you can?

Has the school been unforthcoming about additional costs, or have you not paid attention?

The younger child should be lending YOU the money to give to your elderly daughter and you should be paying it back. The poor girl doesn't get pocket money!

The OP should be providing this money so imo should be paying her younger daughter back.

I’m glad the school can help, because that sounds like the most appropriate solution here.

Gently though, I think you need to be careful not to project the weight of your financial circumstances onto either of your children. Your 10-year-old shouldn’t feel she needs to dip into her savings to make sure her sister can take part, and your 14-year-old shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for wanting to join in with what her friends are doing.

Unfortunately, being on a very tight budget is the reality you as the parent have to manage as best you can. If a school trip has been planned and paid for over a number of months, I do think some allowance for food/spending money should ideally have been factored into that budget too, particularly for a residential trip where extras are fairly predictable.

That doesn’t mean you can magically produce £50 if you genuinely don’t have it, but the answer is to speak to the school, ask what is actually required and what support is available — not let a 10-year-old bridge the gap from her birthday and Christmas savings.

I think your younger daughter’s offer was incredibly kind, but you were right not to let her take responsibility for an adult financial problem.

Sending a big hug to you , it must be awful to be in such a tight financial position and children don’t always realise how difficult it is . I’d let your younger daughter give her the extra and repay it back a little at a time . You are a great mum trying to give your children opportunities like this with limited means , don’t let this spoil the relationships you have with your daughter x

I think this OP. Your younger DD has made a thoughtful, generous offer that demonstrates loyalty.

Don't turn this happy thing into a negative one. Praise her for being so kind and helpful, and ensure she gets paid back.