If you had your chance to start again, would you still have had kids?

One final point, if you have hopes of having a relationship, don’t have children. I was young looking and attractive in my mid-late forties snd got quite a bit of male attention. All of them rapidly disappeared when I said I had young kids, some of them openly looking horrified at the news.

I also agree thar if someone saying ‘fuck no’ on this post is enough to put you off, you don’t have what it takes for the hard route of being a middle aged single mum to an adopted child. That’s a lot of added challenging factors there.

I'd probably have more to be fair.

Is he SEN? It’s so hard …

Yes. Probably would have bitten the bullet and had them earlier, however.

Absolutely would do it all again. It has been incredibly emotionally and physically challenging, but I cannot imagine how my life would have turned out without them.

I know from work (school) that adoptive families face many additional challenges, but do also know from friends who have adopted that it can be wonderful.

Absolutely I know someone else that adopted 2 traumatised children. One was Ok the other was not.

No as you can’t cherry pick if you will have a disabled child or not. If you do life is very difficult and questionable whether it’s enjoyable at all.

I have no children and in my case that was my choice. No regrets and if I had to make that choice again it would be the same.
I do have several friends who have adopted children and in all these cases the children have significant intellectual and emotional problems due to neglect in babyhood, exposure to drugs in the womb etc. Not all these issues were apparent at the point when they adopted. I think anyone who adopts is admirable, but my friends have found family life extremely tough.
Have you considered fostering? It would give you a chance to experience family life with a child that needs to home.

Yes, but I dont believe at all its the only route to a happy, fulfilled life.

I personally would not choose to have a child by myself, having the right partner has made my experience of motherhood enjoyable (i know it can all change before anyone says). But others do and thrive- not helpful I know but no answer will give you whats best for you.

Yes, yes yes. Best thing that ever happened to me. And now I'm a grandmother which is just as good.

Absolutely! I adore my (now adult) children. My regret is that I only had two.

@kidsnetflixHe is. I love him with my whole heart but it’s been so hard and soul destroying. The worry is never ending especially about what will happen after I’m gone.

No, I would not.

I think I would be happier pursuing my own adventures. The sleep deprivation in the early years gave me depression, parenting pressures have eroded my romantic relationship with my partner, and the bits of my life I enjoy most are when I am doing things for myself.

I think I would have been better as a fun aunt, enjoying and enriching my friends/families kids lives, rather than a full on parent.

Yes definitely, my kids are lovely. If I was doing it all over again I would have the kids but then leave STBXH as soon as feasible, I think it would have been easier by myself and we would have been happier.

I think that does make sense.

DH and I wanted children but we couldn’t have them due to fertility issues. I did wonder what my life was for, if not to have children. But when I went into my feelings properly I realised that a lot of it was FOMO, feeling left out and left behind because all my friends and family were having children, and feeling I couldn’t be really fulfilled without having children, because that’s what society had told me. DH and I have built a great life together (it’s our 36th wedding anniversary today as it happens), had some truly wonderful experiences and I wouldn’t change anything.

I'm sorry, this must be incredibly hard.

I just wanted to say that I had awful MH issues. I was a sweet child, but put my parents through hell as a teenager and for a fair chunk of my 20s.

Then I was a good daughter to them again (and happy generally in life). Each said that I was a joy and a comfort to them after that though, and especially so in how I cared for them through the horrible illnesses from which they died.

I know it sounds boastful, repeating that about myself. But I just wanted you to read an example of how even a child who's still a source of grief and trouble at 21 can completely change direction.

I hope your difficult child ends up bringing you huge joy, too.

Do it OP. Adoption can be super tough though. It’s often a lot more hard work than the kind of parenting experience most people who don’t adopt have. It’s an amazing thing to do though if you’re ready for the commitment, but that commitment is a pretty massive one. I’m a similar age to you, also single with a 7-year-old daughter. I’ve been a single parent since she was 2. I wouldn’t change a thing. Of course it’s been tough at times but the love you feel for them outweighs the difficult times. I’ve never experienced so much pure joy, love and a deep sense of purpose as I have since becoming a mother. She’s my best mate and we have a lot of fun together (and before anyone jumps on me, we each have plenty of friends our own age, I don’t rely on her for emotional support and she has plenty of boundaries!) There’s no other person you’ll ever love so unconditionally. It’s a very unique relationship. I’d just research the realities of adoption to death before making a decision. Good luck!

No

YES! My children are fantastic. I wish I’d chosen a better dad for them, but I wouldn’t change them at all.

Yes - my children are the best thing in my life, hands down. Not that they’re the only thing - I have a decent job, nice friends and family etc - but they’re the best thing.

If I could choose to have had the same kids but have them later, and with a different man, I would. Or just had them later really! They were both planned but I hadn’t really appreciated that being child free for more of your youth is worth a lot more than having grown children (so your “freedom back”) by your 50s.

You don’t get back the lack of responsibilities of your youth!

Yes. I only have one but I wouldn’t change a single second of the 22 years (so far) of being his mum. It’s not always easy but it’s worth it.

Yes I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. I've found being a mum hard but so rewarding & healing in a way (I had quite an abusive childhood). I only had one though, I don't think I would have coped well with more.

Yes, 100%. Dropping mine at Uni and my heart is breaking slightly. It isn't easy but nothing else has come close in a very good life.

Opposite for me - I wish I’d had them earlier! I enjoyed my fun youth (also did all the “right” things like buy property first) but I’ll be retiring when they leave home.

I couldn't imagine my life without my kids.

Im so sad that many on here seem not to agree

My husband died when they were both v young.

Raising them without their dad around has been really hard in every single way...financially emotionally etc

But im so glad I have the best two kids who are now the best adults who I can call my friends