AIBU to think my mum slapping me as a teenager was unacceptable?

Different time back then but we can definitely see the parallels in children's behaviour from then to now 😇

thats not an excuse and you know it.

No it isnt. That's a very very modern take. And might be why school behaviour is out of control. Because of all the precious parents and their little darlings not understanding that there are rules and conventions that help society flow.

My mum slapped me once as a teenager. She was also generally just abusive and horrid throughout. Having my own children brought up so much for me about those experiences and how I wanted to be as a parent. My eldest is only 6 so I cannot relate to the teenage years yet but I can relate to being so overwhelmed I've thought about lashing out physically - difference being I have stopped myself every time, even if I have then yelled or walked away.

The thing that stands out to me most in your thread is that you've spoken to her about it multiple times. I could never ever ever even consider having that sort of discussion with my mum. I wonder whether that is actually indicative of a closer, more mutually respectful relationship than you are feeling right now. Only you can tell if it was a one off in an otherwise generally positive connection or if it was a symptom of something more.

What I will say is my mother is a much better grandmother than mother, but I still see flickers and as such she is not and won't ever be allowed my children on their own. That is my boundary and she knows why so has never challenged me on it, although makes snide comments all the time.

Also, you edited this after personally attacking me.... quite impressive hypocrisy from someone claiming to be holier than thou

Ive been slapped as a teenager and I deserved it, certainly rained in my attitude.

I slapped my 14 yo daughter (not in the face) after she repeatedly used the c-word after I had asked her not to several times. We are not a household where that is ever used or where swearing is acceptable.

I just completely snapped and while I felt very sorry and apologised to her it was so defiant, obnoxious and upsetting that I feel there was some mitigation there.

She hasn’t used the c-word since.

I think it depends if this was a one-off and how remorseful your mother is.

My mum regularly slapped me around the head as a child. I am 49, so this was the 80’s. It wasn’t uncommon and I guess was of its time so I don’t judge my today’s standards or my own parenting style etc.

This

i can remember my mum slapping me when I was about 15. I don’t hold it against her. She died when she was 59, nearly 7 years ago. She was absolutely amazing and lovely but she was also only human and made mistakes.

I have been a consultant psychiatrist for almost 30 years. The OP‘s childhood absolutely sounds abusive and I would not be surprised if she wasn’t left with symptoms of trauma, and her mother’s slap has become part of that picture. I never diagnose people on the Internet, but I would absolutely not dismiss the OP‘s childhood as something that could not cause PTSD or complex PTSD. We have moved on from thinking that you can only get PTSD from bombs and shootings.

Yes, I edited my comment because after you edited yours to take out your snide reference to PTSD, mine lost its relevance.

Btw you never did answer my question - is hitting your children in the face the day to day event you tried to portray it as?

Slapping a child hard around the face and using abusive language was not seen as acceptable 20 years ago and there was plenty of antisocial behaviour amongst young people then too. My memories of school at that time are of lots of fights, disrespect towards teachers and absolutely appalling behaviour in public. From multiple schools. I think a lot of people look back with rose tinted spectacles.

Thank you for your educated comment

As a psychiatrist, I have seen people in clinic in their 70s and 80s who are finally talking about something that happened in their childhood. You would be surprised at the impact of an abusive incident in childhood and how long the negative effects can last.

And the traumatic incident should not be assessed in a vacuum; it is the meaning of that incident in the context of somebody’s life.

My mum used to hit my sisters and me a lot. She would never in a million years even admit it, let alone apologise. I just have therapy and would never bring it up

Unfortunately the abusers are getting upset and having my comments deleted. Hitting children is ABUSE. If you don’t like hearing it then maybe I’ve struck a nerve!

Abuse apologists 😂

Must be great to be perfect, eh?

There seem to be people on this thread claiming other posters are child abusers now and thinking that somehow wins the imaginary argument in their heads?

All because I asked people not to belittle PTSD?

Bloody hell I'm getting a drink

Whilst making belittling comments about PTSD yourself and editing it when you get embarrassed?

What do the NICE guidelines say about the diagnosis of PTSD?

Amazed at some of the replies. Your poor Mum????? Seriously. I think a lot of posters must have had abusive childhoods to think slapping your teen daughter across the face on the way to school is normal. I'm older than most posters and this would have been shocking in my day.

And the OP's mum never apologised - even now.

Editing posts in embarassment is something you should consider

No thanks