AIBU to think my mum slapping me as a teenager was unacceptable?

It's not as easy to leave an abusive partner as some people imagine.

Nothing horrible here, just common sense.

Also, if your father was perpetrating DV, then it was normalised in the situation and makes it more understandable that yur DM would resort to a physical outburst.
Personally, I wouldn't blame her for this.

You seem to have forgotten about the OP's childhood in a home where there was domestic abuse, in your half-assed analysis. Did you also forget about cPTSD when undertaking your extensive research using AI?

It was not a norm 20 years ago. Not at all.

Over time, this kind of abuse is the stuff of nightmares and could potentially be PTSD, especially as the memory is repeating in your mind.

One slap, twenty years ago?

I'd imagine many of our parents faced much more punishments than we did. My South African cousins used to get corporal punishment in school in the 90s.

It's staggering that comments like this are allowed to stand on this thread. Would you say that if a man hit a woman? Or if someone smacked their difficult elderly parent? Awful.

She did become quite emotional after confessing…
Otherwise, she is a gentle, loving and compassionate lady, so I can't understand it all. Not sure how to address it further with her...

Everyone makes mistakes. Your mum made a mistake that was unforgivable and damaging, a mistake so bad you think less of her for it. You don’t need to understand why she did it or even justify it and that’s ok. Humans are complex and floored.

Perhaps you deserved it

I started out reading this thread thinking a lot of posters must have been hit as teenagers by their parents. Now I'm thinking a lot of them must be the ones doing the hitting.

What are you basing this on?

'UCL’s research found that physical punishment was still used by parents against more than 20% of 10-year-olds in 2020-21, and was likely to be more common against younger children in their preschool years.'

https://www.theguardian.com/education/2026/jun/11/children-hit-by-parents-more-likely-to-bully-others-research-finds

Guardian 11.6.26

Yes she shouldn't have lied about it for years and yes she should have apologised instead of making excuses.

My Dad hit me and my siblings as punishment regularly throughout my childhood in the UK. My parents were both hit as children too and so were probably 60% of the kids at my school. I was born in the early 90s so similar age to you!

Personally, I don't think one slap is a huge thing if she was otherwise a good mum. I've obviously never hit my kids (and it's thought of as unacceptable nowadays) but it was sadly reaaaallly common when people our age were kids.

I think it was. I'm a similar age to OP and about 60% of my school friends were hit by their parents as punishment. I was!

I don't think it's right whatsoever, but it used to be very very common.

Bit different from one slap as a teenager

And yet what do people say when it's the teenagers hitting parents. ?? Full of excuses for them

If this is the most traumatic thing your mum did then move on. It's not right but a one off slap is not PTSD trauma level like suggested. That's ridiculous.

Surprised by these replies. You were a child. If you had a horrid dad your other parent slapping you round the face must have made you feel very alone.

As someone that suffers with CPTSD which is multiple traumas, I really find your post offensive.

Like a PP has said ptsd trauma is significant trauma, not a clout round the face when being an obnoxious teenager. No wonder the system is fucked, amount of people i come across with "ptsd" with stories like the OP just make me want to cry.

Everyone's brain will create a trauma response when the brain is threatened, thats what us humans do. Just the same as everyone has anxiety, everyone has fight, flight or freeze responses. I imagine the OP and her mum both created one, for different reasons, guilt, anger, shame, especially if mum was also being abused at home. In fact mum is more likely to have ptsd hence her constant dismissal....because the brain doesnt want to remember.

The genuine people living with it day in day out, the intrusive thoughts, suicide idealisation, the depression, the procrastination can be debilitating when you are in the throws of an episode and yet cannot access the help they need because every man and his dog has PTSD, the same as everyone has ADHD. Amd then use it as an excuse for shit behaviour. Dont get me wrong, I have had my moments but my actions are mine and I know I have a choice and concequences if i act on them.

OP, you say youve recently found out you are pregnant, I would say, from experience, this is why its weighing heavily on you. I am sure there are 100s of women here born 60-90s that vowed the child would not have the same upbringing as we did. Its normal, its your maternal instinct.

As a survivor of rape, when I had my first daughter, my then undiagnosed PTSD went rocket high because I thought i wasnt good enough to protect her. My trauma just repeated it over and over and then the intrusive thoughts of someone raping her took over. I wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and hide her, looking back I must have come across as unhinged. Hormones are a bitch.

Why is that a 'disgusting' thing to say? Naturally you are entitled to your opinion, however teenage children can push parents to the limit. It might even be a sign of a healthy relationship, ie the pulling away necessary to form an independent identity from a parent. Labelling discussion on this topic as ' disgusting ' has the effect of closing down any meaningful debate on this subject, which a lot of posters have contributed interesting and thought provoking input. I hadn't realised how common this experience was.,( adolescent girls being slapped in the face by their mothers) The poster did not actually act upon her impulse, I would be more interested in finding out from her how/why she restrained herself. I am not condoning physical violence in any form, but surely discussing the subject in a nuanced way is a better way to understand why it happens, and in this posters case why it didn't happen. A thought is not an act. In some cultures it was traditional for a mother to slap a daughter across the face when her periods began. Again to cover myself, I do not condone violence in any form, but I wonder if any studies have been done into this practice?

I think most kids born in the 80s will have been spanked at some point.

Maybe it's time the youth of today spared some thought for the massive trauma most boomers will have surely endured. People love to wang on about how lucky they are to have been able to afford to buy a house on one salary etc. But we never hear about the PTSD which must be at epidemic levels.

@ByRoseSnake I would love to know how old your mum is. I was slapped by my parents in the 1970s when it was seen as “normal” but anytime later than this I thought habits had changed so I’m surprised that someone as young as you was hit. I’m sorry you went through this. I never forgot/forgave.

I thunk you need to cut your mum some slack and move on. It sounds as though she was at the end of her tether and is embarrassed by it

So many people far too proud of hitting their children here. "It couldn't possibly cause trauma". Horrific.

Jesus fucking christ.

Not ok, but I think a huge part of your feelings around this are wrapped up in how she handled it afterwards. Had she said ‘I’m so sorry I did that. I was massively stressed and angry, mostly about things that are nothing to do with you at all, and I should not have done that.’ It would have gone a huge way to helping you move past it. But unfortunately your Mum just wasn’t in a position to do that at the time, with what was going on in her own life, and she presumably felt ashamed and guilty and just wanted to forget it. Ironically she’d have done less damage but just getting it out in the open and talking to you about it- her pretending it didn’t even happen has almost down more damage than the actual slap itself. I think most children who’ve been through issues really just want parents to acknowledge it, and be honest and talk about it- and your Mum is still sadly unable to do that.