AIBU to think my mum slapping me as a teenager was unacceptable?

YANBU, I was regularly hit as a child as discipline and would never do it to my children. My parents are ‘good’ parents too.

Your poor mum...if it was a one off I'd assume she'd reached the end of her tether. She shouldn't have done it obviously but if she was an otherwise kind loving mum, then cut her some slack.

Parents make mistskes and she made a HORRIBLE one

But it was 20 years ago and presumably shes been in your life ever since

Shes apologised now, not much else you can do - forgive her, sounds like she had a shite time and lashed out x

This

It was a one off, decades ago. You need to move on.

What exactly do you expect her to do now some 20 years later?

It wasn't okay then and it isn't okay now. Nor is lying about it to your face and trying to make you think you'd imagined this. Does she still work with children? I hope not. Don't leave your children with her.

But she didn’t apologise.

I have a similar memory when I was mouthing off at DM (this was very unusual, I was a very quiet teenager). She gave me such a clout round the side of my head, it knocked me flying. I never did it again!

Sounded like she was under immense stress and in general she was a good mum, a one off that she regrets and probably why she didn’t want to bring it up. No one is perfect…let it go

Its not clear whether she has apologised? She has given you reasons as to why she lost her temper, but I suspect if she could give you a heartfelt apology it would help you move on.

My mum slapped me round the face when I was 13/14 but goodness me looking back I don’t know how my mum didn’t put me in care I was a rude little madam with an attitude. I ruined every occasion or anything nice my parents tried to do for us.
It was a one off my parents never smacked us as children ever so I must have really pushed my mums buttons that day my parents also had money problems when I was young so I’m guessing she also was at the end of her tether.
I have never spoke about it and neither as my mum, we are very close now I am older.

My mistake @OnTheTop , she owned up and was embarrassed by having done so.

Honestly op, I feel for her a little bit. Why now? Are you having a baby yourself, or getting married?

'Hopefully I can maintain/build a more honest and compassionate relationship with her in the near future. Difficult conversations'

seems quite cold to me. Shes your mum whose survived abuse, held down a job and seen you through to the age 34 - dunno, i think I would move on from this and forgive her

YANBU.

My mum did this once, at a similar age. My instant reaction was that I slapped her back.

Obviously I am not proud of this. It was never brought up again but I am NC with her now as our relationship has always been problematic.

I hear you OP. My mother thought nothing of publicly slapping my face for the most trivial of reasons and to this day, is bizarrely proud of it. It was abuse, pure and simple.

Incredibly strange if you to blame a child and insinuate it was their own fault for being assaulted. If someone slapped you, would you be okay if I claimed you must have done something to deserve it?

She did it once. It sounds like she was completely at the end of her tether. Just let it go. Saying that you still don’t like people touching your face is a bit dramatic. She knows it wasn’t her finest hour and is probably fed up of you digging for an apology. Have you any recollection of what you did to drive her to distraction? You were probably being an obnoxious teenager. Just stop. Let it go. Move on. It was one momentary lapse in judgement. She was probably hormonal and filled with rage. You pushed her buttons and got it full pelt. Not trying to race to the bottom but you do know that plenty of people were hit hard on a regular basis by their parents? This was one time. Maybe that’s why it stands out so much to you? It was out of the ordinary. But it’s done. Can’t be undone, but can be forgiven and forgotten.

My mum lost it and slapped me round the face once too! Totally shit of her, but she was a great mum the rest of the time. I wouldn’t raise it with her now. I think it would devastate her to think that that’s a core memory, considering how much she sacrificed and provided for me.

The further I get into my own motherhood journey the more I appreciate how hard and utterly thankless it can be!

I had this too. From as young as I can remember.. slapping, punching and shoving.
I tried to discuss it years ago, always dismissed, minimised or it never happened.

We're not close, rarely see her.

The worst part is, it shaped my entire life. Lots of mistrust, not able to hold down relationships because I was always self sabotaging.

Maybe things could have been different if she admitted fault, but never did.

Ever considered it was always glazed over because your mother herself had a trauma response and suppressed that memory or was embarrassed/consumed with guilt?

If this was a regular occurrence then youd be getting different responses.

Were you always making her late for work? You say you remember the contact, the pain.....what about the conversation that was happening at the time for your mum to reach breaking point? Or have you buried that so you played no part in it?

I imagine she lied as she was deeply ashamed.
If this was the only episode in the context of being a good mum, I would just let it go.

Think back - did she slap you and tell you to stfu after you had politely strapped yourself in and said 'thank you for giving me a lift mummy'

Or were you being vile.

I think sometimes the most powerful lesson you can have as a teenager is you can only push things so far before people snap.

Never is it acceptable to assault a child. Slapping child regardless of how much they have pushed your buttons is abuse.