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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think not every school issue should be labelled SEN?

205 replies

Emily3325 · 14/09/2026 16:38

I feel like lately absolutely everything that happens in schools is being viewed through the lens of SEN. For context I’ve worked in education for over a decade across settings and provisions.

A child is naughty in class - SEN.
A child cries at playtime - SEN.

A child struggles with something, immediately we’re looking at what additional provision they might need.
And don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that some children genuinely have additional needs and absolutely need support and reasonable adjustments. That’s not what I’m arguing against.
What I’m finding frustrating is that it feels like we’re getting to the point where normal childhood behaviour is being treated as evidence that something must be wrong.
The recent DfE announcement about changes to school food standards is a good example. Almost immediately, the discussion seems to become “but what about SEN children who won’t eat those foods?”
Obviously there are children with genuine sensory or medical needs who will need individual arrangements. But surely we can have healthier expectations for children generally while making appropriate exceptions for those who genuinely need them?
And I think it’s actually becoming a problem for everyone.
My partner teaches a class of 30. There is one child who is constantly extremely disruptive — we’re talking about repeatedly slamming doors hard enough to crack the glass in the door.
The parents believe he has ADHD, but he doesn’t have a diagnosis. The school has tried to work with them and has discussed whether the child could access the school’s resource hub, but the parents feel that doing so would be discriminatory. They also don’t want to pursue a diagnosis or come into school to work with the school on a plan.
I’m not saying the child doesn’t have additional needs. He might. I don’t know.
But while everyone is arguing about whether he has SEN, 29 other children are having their lessons repeatedly disrupted.
And that’s not fair on them either.
It’s not fair on the teacher.
And actually, it’s not fair on the child himself, because he’s clearly struggling and isn’t getting an effective solution either.
That’s what I find so frustrating. Everyone loses.
The children who don’t have SEN lose learning time.
Children who genuinely do have SEN can struggle to get the specialist support they need because resources are stretched.
Teachers are expected to somehow manage increasingly complex needs in mainstream classrooms.
And children who are struggling can end up stuck without appropriate support because nobody seems willing to make a decision until there’s a diagnosis.
I also think we’ve got to be careful about lowering expectations in the name of inclusion.
Sometimes a child is genuinely unable to do something because of a disability and absolutely needs an adjustment.
But sometimes a child is just upset.
Sometimes they’re being naughty.
Sometimes they don’t like the school dinner.
Sometimes they have to learn that they can’t always get their own way.
Not every difficult moment needs an SEN explanation.
And I honestly think we’ve reached a point where we’re doing all children a disservice by treating everything this way.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:28

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 14:23

Some people are always going to need accommodations to be able to either access education or work.

We’re getting to the point though where adjustments aren’t reasonable. A child refusing to come into school if any child in their classroom is allowed to stand up in a lesson is not a reasonable adjustment and when this was brought up to SLT the SENDCo advised me that we had to just go with it.

OP posts:
PensionPTake · 15/09/2026 14:29

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:11

But my example of a child who cannot have background music, in many offices i’ve worked in we’ve had a radio on, in supermarkets, shopping centres, etc

So they can wear headphones or ear plugs. Or choose not to work in a supermarket. As someone previously said, adults have choices, children do not. My husband works a noisy office, he wears headphones, problem solved and it affects no one. What's the issue?

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 14:35

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:28

We’re getting to the point though where adjustments aren’t reasonable. A child refusing to come into school if any child in their classroom is allowed to stand up in a lesson is not a reasonable adjustment and when this was brought up to SLT the SENDCo advised me that we had to just go with it.

Of course not all adjustments are going to be reasonable and in those cases, SLT and other staff should be supportive.

But actual reasonable adjustments? They should, of course, remain in place.

Justploddingonandon · 15/09/2026 14:39

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:28

We’re getting to the point though where adjustments aren’t reasonable. A child refusing to come into school if any child in their classroom is allowed to stand up in a lesson is not a reasonable adjustment and when this was brought up to SLT the SENDCo advised me that we had to just go with it.

That sounds like an SLT problem more than anything else, not all adjustments are reasonable and I've told my DD that she can't have anything that directly affects other people. For example, she likes to sing to regulate, and at home she's welcome to go to her room and do that but she can't do it in the middle of class (she does get other ways to regulate including additional breaks where she can run around the playground and sing if she wants).

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:43

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 14:35

Of course not all adjustments are going to be reasonable and in those cases, SLT and other staff should be supportive.

But actual reasonable adjustments? They should, of course, remain in place.

No issue with reasonable adjustments, I’ve had children who we’ve never had any concerns about or parental concerns about bringing in wobble cushions, fidget toys, ear defenders, demanding movement breaks because they get anxious on assessment weeks.

Genuine adjustments no issue at all. I had a child who had an object from home that helped them to regulate and that was perfect but we’re at a point where half of the class is demanding sensory circuits or sensory diets

OP posts:
IndigoBluey · 15/09/2026 14:44

We had one in year 5, his nickname was mental Mike, he was wild. Used to throw chairs and had to take meds during school hours. He would probably be automatically identify as SEN in today’s time

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 14:46

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:43

No issue with reasonable adjustments, I’ve had children who we’ve never had any concerns about or parental concerns about bringing in wobble cushions, fidget toys, ear defenders, demanding movement breaks because they get anxious on assessment weeks.

Genuine adjustments no issue at all. I had a child who had an object from home that helped them to regulate and that was perfect but we’re at a point where half of the class is demanding sensory circuits or sensory diets

and SLT just say yes to everything? I think I agree with pp that you might have a SLT issue here.

Bushmillsbabe · 15/09/2026 14:47

PensionPTake · 15/09/2026 14:02

Plus children aren't adults. Why are we expecting children to behave like adults, think like adults, have the emotional maturity of adults? They will learn to manage many of their challenges over time as we teach them and as they mature.

And this is part of the problem, we are judging children as little adults 'X struggles to consistently regulate their emotions, they may have ADHD' 'Y shows challenges with impulse control, they may have ADHD' . Some adults flippin struggle to regulate their emotions, and control their impulses, and we expect children to always do this! DD's friend pushed the fire alarm button which literally says 'press here' - school decided that a 6 year old who was curious and pushed a button to see what would happen, had to have ADHD. Nope, they were just a bored 6 year old exploring their environment.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:51

Bushmillsbabe · 15/09/2026 14:47

And this is part of the problem, we are judging children as little adults 'X struggles to consistently regulate their emotions, they may have ADHD' 'Y shows challenges with impulse control, they may have ADHD' . Some adults flippin struggle to regulate their emotions, and control their impulses, and we expect children to always do this! DD's friend pushed the fire alarm button which literally says 'press here' - school decided that a 6 year old who was curious and pushed a button to see what would happen, had to have ADHD. Nope, they were just a bored 6 year old exploring their environment.

I had a child once fascinated by a leaking drainpipe, genuinely fascinated. I was asked if I thought it was a sign of autism. No other concerns at all. I think they were 5 and fascinated by water pouring down a wall

OP posts:
Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:52

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 14:46

and SLT just say yes to everything? I think I agree with pp that you might have a SLT issue here.

SLT are terrified of being on the sharp end of it from parents

OP posts:
PensionPTake · 15/09/2026 14:53

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 14:46

and SLT just say yes to everything? I think I agree with pp that you might have a SLT issue here.

Indeed. Although I think all the children would benefit from sensory circuits. But that says more about our education system and life in general than anything else.

PensionPTake · 15/09/2026 14:53

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:52

SLT are terrified of being on the sharp end of it from parents

They just need to be more resilient.....

Bushmillsbabe · 15/09/2026 14:54

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:43

No issue with reasonable adjustments, I’ve had children who we’ve never had any concerns about or parental concerns about bringing in wobble cushions, fidget toys, ear defenders, demanding movement breaks because they get anxious on assessment weeks.

Genuine adjustments no issue at all. I had a child who had an object from home that helped them to regulate and that was perfect but we’re at a point where half of the class is demanding sensory circuits or sensory diets

Some of this may be because the parents are managing it all so their child seems OK during school time, as we genuinely want them to be able to learn. We have a sensory routine (I'm a paediatric physio) before school to get her ready, and after to calm her. I just asked if she could use a wobble cushion we sent in, they said ok, and then told her she couldn't use it as she was fidgeting too much! Completely missing the whole point.

Then a week DH was away and I was poorly, getting them in was the max I could manage, sensory went out the window. And school were all 'she is acting out as her Dads away' and told her off for poor focus. Again completely missing the actual point - the problem wasn't Dad being away in itself, it was that for a few says we were doing the extra work before school.

Luckily her teacher this year seems to get it much better, despite being only a year into the job.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:59

Bushmillsbabe · 15/09/2026 14:54

Some of this may be because the parents are managing it all so their child seems OK during school time, as we genuinely want them to be able to learn. We have a sensory routine (I'm a paediatric physio) before school to get her ready, and after to calm her. I just asked if she could use a wobble cushion we sent in, they said ok, and then told her she couldn't use it as she was fidgeting too much! Completely missing the whole point.

Then a week DH was away and I was poorly, getting them in was the max I could manage, sensory went out the window. And school were all 'she is acting out as her Dads away' and told her off for poor focus. Again completely missing the actual point - the problem wasn't Dad being away in itself, it was that for a few says we were doing the extra work before school.

Luckily her teacher this year seems to get it much better, despite being only a year into the job.

We ask parents if something is going on/ do they need support/ are they seeing anything at home but I’ve had parents tell me their child has come home saying “X has this”. Of course there are cases where parents describe similar things as you have mentioned but then there are cases like I mentioned where there is no reason. A y6 colleague once had to ban fidget toys for all children other than those where parents had spoken to school/ EHCP/ etc

OP posts:
angelos02 · 15/09/2026 15:06

This thread is so depressing. I don't have kids but from reading this it seems that every other class has a child with SEN? What has happened?

Lunalara · 15/09/2026 15:22

The SEN problem is much bigger than it seems, for many reasons:

  • On the surface, we have the noisy disruptive kids, many times (not always) with adhd, that can’t focus on the class. Either because of their condition, or because the classroom is too distracting for them.
  • TAs can help, but few people want to do that job due to the salary. Also one of the first areas typically to be cut when it comes to school budgets.
  • Because it is considered a last resort job in many cases, there are usually a few TAs in each school that don’t do much. Not every TA at all though. This isn’t a TA bashing comment.
  • Many SEN kids also have learning disabilities, so they can’t keep up with the pace of lessons. Even the lower sets.
  • The ones that don’t have learning disabilities and are otherwise quite smart struggle in ways that aren’t easily visible, such as making friends. This is how I was. They often go undiagnosed for a long time, because they don’t act stereotypically neurodiverse.
  • As mentioned here already, high needs kids are being pushed into mainstream when they shouldn’t be. These kids get dysregulated a lot and can be very disruptive. Then they don’t get any GCSEs because it is too much of a struggle for them.

Simply put, schools aren’t able to address everything. There are a lot of challenges with SEN, so the teachers are left to deal with the most obvious cases or the most disruptive ones.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 15:27

I worry we’re going to have a recruitment and retention crisis with TAs

OP posts:
AceStar1994 · 15/09/2026 15:36

Agree with you, OP. It's getting absolutely ridiculous now.

These "professionals" want all kids to be the same and when they're not they get a label.

Divinedownload · 15/09/2026 15:40

Oh you’re not wrong. Everything and I mean everything is pathologised these days. I work in schools too and I’m sick of all the do gooders and “every behaviour is communication”.

I DREAD to think the diagnosis’ I would have landed myself as an adolescent at school. Constantly wagged it in the toilets, went to lessons when I saw fit, ran out the gates, verbally abusive to staff…. The list is quite frankly endless. Did I get GCSEs? No, did I then sort my life out with an OU degree once life humbled me? Yes. Did I struggle academically? Absolutely not. There was no reason for my lack of engagement other than the fact I just couldn’t be arsed at the time.

I am by the way a successful, 38 year old women who has morals, a conscience and a desire to make the world a better place. I misbehaved at school because I wanted too, and because I had no consequences at home. My parents loved me fiercely, I had a nice home. I did as I pleased and that was a choice. I did not have needs or barriers. I was just….a mouthy, slightly unpleasant teenage girl.

Dread to think of the label I would have got tbh. Possibly something like ADHD, or pathological demand avoidance.

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/09/2026 15:42

angelos02 · 15/09/2026 15:06

This thread is so depressing. I don't have kids but from reading this it seems that every other class has a child with SEN? What has happened?

You have misread it. Every class is around a third SEN. It's wild.

Junespun · 15/09/2026 15:54

I am guessing that the SEN label is needed to access the extra resources to support the child and that is why the diagnosis is critical.

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 15:57

Junespun · 15/09/2026 15:54

I am guessing that the SEN label is needed to access the extra resources to support the child and that is why the diagnosis is critical.

A diagnosis isn't necessary for a child to receive extra support. It can take years before some children have a diagnosis.

Junespun · 15/09/2026 16:02

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 15:57

A diagnosis isn't necessary for a child to receive extra support. It can take years before some children have a diagnosis.

I know it takes an age, my nephew is still waiting 4 years after his initial referral. There isn't any extra support for him yet where we are.

BertieBotts · 15/09/2026 16:15

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 14:43

No issue with reasonable adjustments, I’ve had children who we’ve never had any concerns about or parental concerns about bringing in wobble cushions, fidget toys, ear defenders, demanding movement breaks because they get anxious on assessment weeks.

Genuine adjustments no issue at all. I had a child who had an object from home that helped them to regulate and that was perfect but we’re at a point where half of the class is demanding sensory circuits or sensory diets

If half the class need a sensory circuit, genuine question, could that not just become a standard thing everyone does? Like PE, art, music etc are part of the curriculum, breaktimes are offered to everyone, we recognise those things have benefits. Why not sensory circuits too? It would probably benefit the children who don't "need" it too.

If it's not feasible in the current system then potentially it's an idea to look at for the future. Whether it can be worked into lessons or the school day looks completely different allowing more time for things like this. Why not be radical and think about big solutions?

Chanberry · 15/09/2026 16:17

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 08:11

But what has changed between children 15 years ago and children today? My children’s education followed a similar daily routine as all of the schools I’ve taught in so why have we now got children unable to cope?

The world has changed and continues to change. It's not just children who are less able to cope; it's adults, too. More people, especially women, on antidepressants than ever. The UK is getting much busier, noisier and more overstimulating. Autistic people who could've muddled through in the past are now finding that they are in crisis and seek help.

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