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AIBU?

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AIBU to think not every school issue should be labelled SEN?

205 replies

Emily3325 · 14/09/2026 16:38

I feel like lately absolutely everything that happens in schools is being viewed through the lens of SEN. For context I’ve worked in education for over a decade across settings and provisions.

A child is naughty in class - SEN.
A child cries at playtime - SEN.

A child struggles with something, immediately we’re looking at what additional provision they might need.
And don’t get me wrong, I completely understand that some children genuinely have additional needs and absolutely need support and reasonable adjustments. That’s not what I’m arguing against.
What I’m finding frustrating is that it feels like we’re getting to the point where normal childhood behaviour is being treated as evidence that something must be wrong.
The recent DfE announcement about changes to school food standards is a good example. Almost immediately, the discussion seems to become “but what about SEN children who won’t eat those foods?”
Obviously there are children with genuine sensory or medical needs who will need individual arrangements. But surely we can have healthier expectations for children generally while making appropriate exceptions for those who genuinely need them?
And I think it’s actually becoming a problem for everyone.
My partner teaches a class of 30. There is one child who is constantly extremely disruptive — we’re talking about repeatedly slamming doors hard enough to crack the glass in the door.
The parents believe he has ADHD, but he doesn’t have a diagnosis. The school has tried to work with them and has discussed whether the child could access the school’s resource hub, but the parents feel that doing so would be discriminatory. They also don’t want to pursue a diagnosis or come into school to work with the school on a plan.
I’m not saying the child doesn’t have additional needs. He might. I don’t know.
But while everyone is arguing about whether he has SEN, 29 other children are having their lessons repeatedly disrupted.
And that’s not fair on them either.
It’s not fair on the teacher.
And actually, it’s not fair on the child himself, because he’s clearly struggling and isn’t getting an effective solution either.
That’s what I find so frustrating. Everyone loses.
The children who don’t have SEN lose learning time.
Children who genuinely do have SEN can struggle to get the specialist support they need because resources are stretched.
Teachers are expected to somehow manage increasingly complex needs in mainstream classrooms.
And children who are struggling can end up stuck without appropriate support because nobody seems willing to make a decision until there’s a diagnosis.
I also think we’ve got to be careful about lowering expectations in the name of inclusion.
Sometimes a child is genuinely unable to do something because of a disability and absolutely needs an adjustment.
But sometimes a child is just upset.
Sometimes they’re being naughty.
Sometimes they don’t like the school dinner.
Sometimes they have to learn that they can’t always get their own way.
Not every difficult moment needs an SEN explanation.
And I honestly think we’ve reached a point where we’re doing all children a disservice by treating everything this way.
AIBU?

OP posts:
BugJuice · 15/09/2026 10:46

Newgirls · 15/09/2026 09:02

My observation is the kids are usually very like their parents and yet parents expect them to be better, do better at school. Of course there are exceptions. However the kids I know who prefer to stay in their room gaming - guess what, that’s what dad does too. The kid who isn’t doing well in a levels - well dad didn’t do a levels either but mum expects it. Sticking a label on this helps in one away as we understand our adult selves better. But it’s not for schools to fix every ‘problem’. Sometimes a kid needs a different path than a parent might expect, or dream of.

My husband and I are both hard working professsionals. We both have masters degrees in our relevant fields. We speak multiple languages, and play multiple musical instruments. My eldest child is an academic scholar at an independent school, my middle child a sports and music scholar.
My youngest child is autistic. He’s non verbal and doubly incontinent. He cannot access the National curriculum, and probably never will. Saying ‘kids are usually very like their parents’ shows a complete lack of understanding of neurodiversity.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:47

BugJuice · 15/09/2026 10:42

Why is there age relevant? Children under 10
have SEN too.
My son is 7. Diagnosed with autism at 3. It was agreed before he even started school that he wouldn’t cope in mainstream, but there were no SEN placements available to him. 3 years later, there still aren't.
I know his teachers in mainstream school don’t want him there, trust me you all make it obvious that accommodating the needs of children with disabilities is an inconvenience. But what the fuck else can I do?

How are any of these things I listed acceptable within a classroom? To have a 9 year old child demanding that from when they enter the classroom no other children can stand up to get anything because the noise of the chair distresses them, that adults in the classroom cannot ask them to be quiet or that staff must remove their lanyards. Otherwise that child won’t come into the classroom, all this being done whilst I’ve left my TA in charge and I’m standing at this child’s car. That isn’t reasonable adjustments

OP posts:
Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:49

BugJuice · 15/09/2026 10:46

My husband and I are both hard working professsionals. We both have masters degrees in our relevant fields. We speak multiple languages, and play multiple musical instruments. My eldest child is an academic scholar at an independent school, my middle child a sports and music scholar.
My youngest child is autistic. He’s non verbal and doubly incontinent. He cannot access the National curriculum, and probably never will. Saying ‘kids are usually very like their parents’ shows a complete lack of understanding of neurodiversity.

I don’t think anyone is referring to children like your youngest, it’s the children who are absolutely able to cope in mainstream who are labelled SEN at the drop of a hat

OP posts:
BugJuice · 15/09/2026 10:51

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:47

How are any of these things I listed acceptable within a classroom? To have a 9 year old child demanding that from when they enter the classroom no other children can stand up to get anything because the noise of the chair distresses them, that adults in the classroom cannot ask them to be quiet or that staff must remove their lanyards. Otherwise that child won’t come into the classroom, all this being done whilst I’ve left my TA in charge and I’m standing at this child’s car. That isn’t reasonable adjustments

But how is that the child’s fault? If they’re in an unsuitable environment to meet the needs of their disability, then the fault is on the government who are forcing these children into a mainstream environment.
My son doesn’t demand anything. He cant, as he’s non verbal. His very presence at the school the LA demands he goes to is treated as a massive inconvenience by the teachers. I have to drop him off every day knowing they see his needs as an inconvenience to them.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:52

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:47

How are any of these things I listed acceptable within a classroom? To have a 9 year old child demanding that from when they enter the classroom no other children can stand up to get anything because the noise of the chair distresses them, that adults in the classroom cannot ask them to be quiet or that staff must remove their lanyards. Otherwise that child won’t come into the classroom, all this being done whilst I’ve left my TA in charge and I’m standing at this child’s car. That isn’t reasonable adjustments

Just to add this child would hit other children, laugh and walk out of the classroom. If they were spoken to about their behaviour they would then cry and parents would be in the next day blaming their diagnosis and school

OP posts:
Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 10:55

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:49

I don’t think anyone is referring to children like your youngest, it’s the children who are absolutely able to cope in mainstream who are labelled SEN at the drop of a hat

Some can cope in mainstream but only with significant support which you seem to be against because the same support won't be available when they are adults?

What do you think should happen? Especially considering the government seems to be set on more and more SEND children in mainstream education even if they are very unlikely to cope.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:55

BugJuice · 15/09/2026 10:51

But how is that the child’s fault? If they’re in an unsuitable environment to meet the needs of their disability, then the fault is on the government who are forcing these children into a mainstream environment.
My son doesn’t demand anything. He cant, as he’s non verbal. His very presence at the school the LA demands he goes to is treated as a massive inconvenience by the teachers. I have to drop him off every day knowing they see his needs as an inconvenience to them.

This child was well suited for mainstream, academic, generally managed well with adjustments but learnt how to manipulate adults around them. 95% of the time they were a pleasure to have but they very quickly learnt what they needed to say in order to prevent consequences for their behaviour

OP posts:
Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:57

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 10:55

Some can cope in mainstream but only with significant support which you seem to be against because the same support won't be available when they are adults?

What do you think should happen? Especially considering the government seems to be set on more and more SEND children in mainstream education even if they are very unlikely to cope.

Edited

I think autism needs splitting into separate diagnoses. The combining of children who under the old label would have had asperger’s with children who are NV, have higher support needs is doing a massive disservice to the latter. Schools need funding, the TA I mentioned was technically a 1:1 with a child in the class who I mentioned earlier. We’re seeing more and more SEN monitoring and plans but no support or specialist school labels and undoubtedly children being labelled as SEN wrongly

OP posts:
Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2026 11:00

smallgreenandsplitthreeways · 14/09/2026 21:15

Lots of children with SEN don’t have behavioural problems, and as a result often take lower priority for their needs to be met, and I strongly suspect eventually results to school refusal.
Lots of well behaved children completely miss out of getting a SEN diagnosis, these kids may really struggle academically and stand no chance of reaching their full potential, because they are written off at a lower baseline early on, and no one is interested in pursuing dyslexia / dyscalculia /processing difficulties /adhd / ASD/ etc because although the child / young person is struggling academically they are not being disruptive or causing any issues, so they fly under the radar until late teenage / early adult years and they end up with crippling anxiety or struggle to get a job that they are quite capable of doing but society has decided they are incapable because of their poor academic attainment.
A few, kids are spoilt to the core, and others just have ‘can’t be arsed to parent, because it’s bloody hard work’ parents, but their parents flatly refuse to accept its piss poor parenting that has caused the behaviour, and are convinced the kid has some type of SEN going on and continue to use SEN as an excuse when the fruit of their loins becomes an antisocial delinquent teenager, causing merry hell, making life unbearable for those unfortunate enough to live near them.
Then there are the amazing other parents who are exhausted by fighting tooth and nail to get their child the help they need, trying their hardest to raise decent people, but being met with increasingly insurmountable obstacles every step of the way. Meanwhile schools are also battling against tighter budgets.
maybe, just maybe the powers that be will realise education can never ever be a ‘one size fits all’. But hey Tony Blair was inclusion, inclusion, inclusion at huge detriment to many children and their families.
Then again the vast majority of our prison population and juvenile detention centres are full of adults and kids with poor education attainment and or have come from very chaotic home lives, which suggests there is still significant under diagnosis of SEN.

I agree with a lot of this, but if you really want someone to blame then I think Michael Gove has destroyed the Education system in the UK.

Inclusion, in and of itself, is a good thing where it is possible. A huge number of SEN kids could thrive in mainstream with the right environment and support structure. Children like my 9yo autistic daughter (currently on a reduced timetable as we work to get her back into school).

But the current system, including the curriculum, is exposing huge weaknesses. I am convinced that not nearly so many would be seeking diagnosis if the system itself was less inflexible. Classroom environments now are just too chaotic, and performance pressure is relentless.

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 11:01

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 10:57

I think autism needs splitting into separate diagnoses. The combining of children who under the old label would have had asperger’s with children who are NV, have higher support needs is doing a massive disservice to the latter. Schools need funding, the TA I mentioned was technically a 1:1 with a child in the class who I mentioned earlier. We’re seeing more and more SEN monitoring and plans but no support or specialist school labels and undoubtedly children being labelled as SEN wrongly

I absolutely agree that schools need more funding.

My son is one who is absolutely fine in mainstream but only with significant support. He has an EHCP with 2:1 TA's.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:03

Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2026 11:00

I agree with a lot of this, but if you really want someone to blame then I think Michael Gove has destroyed the Education system in the UK.

Inclusion, in and of itself, is a good thing where it is possible. A huge number of SEN kids could thrive in mainstream with the right environment and support structure. Children like my 9yo autistic daughter (currently on a reduced timetable as we work to get her back into school).

But the current system, including the curriculum, is exposing huge weaknesses. I am convinced that not nearly so many would be seeking diagnosis if the system itself was less inflexible. Classroom environments now are just too chaotic, and performance pressure is relentless.

I mentioned a child previously who was 6 years behind her class. They were a genuine bright point of my day, smiling, kind, funny and yet my heart broke every morning they walked into my room. I knew I couldn’t meet their needs and do my best for them and the other 31 in the room. I just didn’t have time and there was no flexibility in my day to set the class off on something and have time to sit with them and work at their level. Still one of my biggest regrets

OP posts:
bababamama · 15/09/2026 11:03

Not every school issue is sen, not every sen diagnosis is unavoidable eg it’s caused by their upbringing not genetic predisposition. But what is undeniable is that this generation of kids have a lot of issues and this cohort of parents are likely to be contributing to this. Alcohol in pregnancy is an obvious example but permissive parenting styles are another example of why kids they get told they are defiant at school

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:04

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 11:01

I absolutely agree that schools need more funding.

My son is one who is absolutely fine in mainstream but only with significant support. He has an EHCP with 2:1 TA's.

I’ve seen children who need 1:1 at all times be given funding that amounts to 8 hours and schools don’t have the budget to fund the rest. It’s an absolute joke

OP posts:
plasticplate · 15/09/2026 11:05

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 09:05

I’ve been told before that my class couldn’t have piano instrumental music on quietly during extended writing because it upset a child with autism because he found it annoying. That’s not manageable in the real world.

People can avoid work environments with background music. I'm not autistic and I would find piano instrumental music irritating when I am trying to concentrate on something.

frozendaisy · 15/09/2026 11:06

Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2026 11:00

I agree with a lot of this, but if you really want someone to blame then I think Michael Gove has destroyed the Education system in the UK.

Inclusion, in and of itself, is a good thing where it is possible. A huge number of SEN kids could thrive in mainstream with the right environment and support structure. Children like my 9yo autistic daughter (currently on a reduced timetable as we work to get her back into school).

But the current system, including the curriculum, is exposing huge weaknesses. I am convinced that not nearly so many would be seeking diagnosis if the system itself was less inflexible. Classroom environments now are just too chaotic, and performance pressure is relentless.

And there are a number of SEN pupils who create the chaos.

So there are situations where you have competing different needs in the same class, with two sets of parents demanding exact conditions for their child which are in opposition all from the one teacher and teaching assistant.

So whose needs win?

Will this end up in a top trumps situation? Or whichever set of parents shout loudest?

Kirbert2 · 15/09/2026 11:07

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:04

I’ve seen children who need 1:1 at all times be given funding that amounts to 8 hours and schools don’t have the budget to fund the rest. It’s an absolute joke

It really is.

Thankfully my son is able to have his all day which was a very hard battle and he had to spend a period of time at home with a tutor (funded by the LA) but he wouldn't be able to attend otherwise as he is complex enough to need 2:1 but still not enough that special school would be appropriate for his needs.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:08

plasticplate · 15/09/2026 11:05

People can avoid work environments with background music. I'm not autistic and I would find piano instrumental music irritating when I am trying to concentrate on something.

The class as a whole voted to have music, it was quiet, if a couple of people talked you could no longer hear it quiet. Does one child’s wants override the rest of the class?

OP posts:
angelos02 · 15/09/2026 11:12

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:08

The class as a whole voted to have music, it was quiet, if a couple of people talked you could no longer hear it quiet. Does one child’s wants override the rest of the class?

I work with a young adult that has reasonable adjustments as they have anxiety. Basically, all of the tasks none of the team likes - taking phone calls, answering tricky queries etc, they don't have to do due to their 'anxiety'. It makes absolutely no logical sense and causes more difficult work for the rest of us. Totally unfair - and they are earn exactly the same money! I know for a fact other people on the team are going through their own issues but aren't playing the anxiety card.

Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2026 11:18

frozendaisy · 15/09/2026 11:06

And there are a number of SEN pupils who create the chaos.

So there are situations where you have competing different needs in the same class, with two sets of parents demanding exact conditions for their child which are in opposition all from the one teacher and teaching assistant.

So whose needs win?

Will this end up in a top trumps situation? Or whichever set of parents shout loudest?

From experience, it's the child who is the most disruptive to the classroom who is prioritised. The SEN child who quietly falls apart, falls behind and eventually stops going to school will only be seen and heard once they reach crisis point and they have particularly vociferous parents who advocate strongly for them. And don't underestimate the scale of this problem, either. Their parents are the ones threatened with fines, and accused of bad parenting because everyone else sees a child who is 'fine at school' - while simultaneously admitting that they're struggling to control the class themselves. If you're a SEN child quietly falling apart in the classroom who has parents who don't have the time, resource, knowledge/ ability, or inclination to advocate for you, you can pretty much forget all about receiving an education.

coupleofspuds · 15/09/2026 11:19

I think SEN is too generic there are some people you can walk past in the street and instantly tell they have something wrong with them and there are some that live ordinary lives and you’d never know.

Yes I know people can mask but some people couldn’t possibly hide it no matter how hard they tried.
I was diagnosed with ADHD but I don’t think that’s the reason my life has been such a challenge, I also have intellectual disability and autism with extreme sensory issues and each condition exasperates the other, I couldn’t learn anything at school and have no education and have just about survived.
my daughter is the same as me and when I told her teacher after her diagnosis she said… I get it, I’m the same.

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:20

Whatafustercluck · 15/09/2026 11:18

From experience, it's the child who is the most disruptive to the classroom who is prioritised. The SEN child who quietly falls apart, falls behind and eventually stops going to school will only be seen and heard once they reach crisis point and they have particularly vociferous parents who advocate strongly for them. And don't underestimate the scale of this problem, either. Their parents are the ones threatened with fines, and accused of bad parenting because everyone else sees a child who is 'fine at school' - while simultaneously admitting that they're struggling to control the class themselves. If you're a SEN child quietly falling apart in the classroom who has parents who don't have the time, resource, knowledge/ ability, or inclination to advocate for you, you can pretty much forget all about receiving an education.

I’ve seen this so many times. I had a colleague raise concerns about a child to SLT and was told to focus on a child in the class who was massively disruptive, no SEN just disruptive. Weeks later that child could no longer cope and suffered a period where they couldn’t get out of bed in the morning

OP posts:
frozendaisy · 15/09/2026 11:22

angelos02 · 15/09/2026 11:12

I work with a young adult that has reasonable adjustments as they have anxiety. Basically, all of the tasks none of the team likes - taking phone calls, answering tricky queries etc, they don't have to do due to their 'anxiety'. It makes absolutely no logical sense and causes more difficult work for the rest of us. Totally unfair - and they are earn exactly the same money! I know for a fact other people on the team are going through their own issues but aren't playing the anxiety card.

Once you employ someone past probation employers are stuck with them for a bit, it’s costly and takes a while to get them out.

I think this is why interview processes are changing to try and not employ people who are not capable of doing the actual job in the first place. I know some people complain about the interview process being unfair in some cases but what to do?

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:27

My worry is we’re raising a generation unable to handle discomfort

OP posts:
Justploddingonandon · 15/09/2026 11:29

It can be both. My DD has ASD and this explains some of her more extreme behaviour before she was properly supported, she was overwhelmed, melting down and lashing out. I was on my knees begging for support, we went private for the diagnosis and it still took the best part of a year. Saying that, she can also just be naughty.
The other problem is that the expected standard for each year is what an average child of that age could do. By definition not all children are going top be at that standard, especially at the start of primary where the gap in maturity between a just turned 4 year old and a nearly 5 year old is huge. Even without additional diagnoses, a child two years behind that expected standard should be on the SEN register for that reason alone. Even if they're not, children are remarkably perceptive and will know they're struggling and get demoralised.

angelos02 · 15/09/2026 11:44

Emily3325 · 15/09/2026 11:27

My worry is we’re raising a generation unable to handle discomfort

Absolutely this. If a child, or an adult doesn't like doing something, you can't just opt out. The real world doesn't work like that. However it seems as though you can just opt out - look at the million young NEETS! I don't believe the vast majority are so anxious or mentally unwell that they never leave the house.