AIBU for ignoring him? He asked about childcare for my kids.

When I went on my first date with my husband i travelled down to meet him on the train. He offered to get my train tickets and get me a hotel (on my own) so I didn't have to worry about anything as it was an hours journey from home.

Reading that he sounds like an absolute creep, after 14 years together I can tell you hes just very kind, caring and wanted me to feel safe.

This is why talking on the phone is important and text can be completely misinterpreted.

She wont even speak to him on the phone I doubt shes given him her home address

Absolutely hysterical

You're batshit. He's only asking if your DC are old enough so that they can be left for him to take you on a date. Nothing weird about it. You should more concerned if he didn't.
Maybe dating isn't for you.

Ahh how sweet, women supporting women on MN.

Sorry you're being called 'batshit' , 'unhinged' and 'hysterical' , and told that 'He's had a lucky escape' , OP @NickyC1975 .

The internalised misogyny is strong from these women. Trust your gut, always x

Your correction just makes it weirder. They are not young children.

Hes asking to guage how available you will be for dates, its not unreasonable, what is unreasonable is to just ghost him, if your not feeling it just say, thanks but ive gotten the ick .

This!!!

Perfectly normal to want to basically want to know how old your kids are before a first date? Dating someone with toddlers is different from dating someone with older teens - the single mum with toddlers is likely to have far, far less free time, so may not be something he'd be interested in getting involved in.

Your reaction sounds extreme (also your kids aren't young - I'd assume that to mean you had toddlers or similar, not kids off to high school).

Obviously don’t actually say that you’ve gotten the ick else you’ll sound about 12 😂

But I agree to actually communicating with him and telling him you’re not interested, rather than just ghosting him.

Surely all he is doing is trying to decide whether it's worth pursuing à relationship with you. He is probably wondering whether you will have much time to see him

Good Grief, the poor bloke only asked a simple question. He has had a lucky escape.

I hardly ever defend men - believe me - but I think this is ok. As everyone else has said, it sounds like gauging how much free time you have to date. If he was being creepy it would be more along the lines of how old is your daughter/son and what are they into, etc!! This sounds like he is interested in YOU!

You’ve been given a bit of a hard time on this thread though so I also wanted to say I do understand you being hesitant. Married mums can never truly get what it’s actually like raising children alone after being let down by their dad. It’s not exactly surprising that we get defensive. But fwiw I think he sounds ok, why not arrange a phone call at a time that works and hear his voice and then go from there x

He asked a completely normal question. He wasn't being intrusive or trying to pry or accuse you of anything. He was just asking because - very obviously - it's something that would have an impact on your availability for dates. There's a big difference between dating someone who needs to arrange childcare in advance for every date and dating someone who has teenagers who don't need supervising and can look after themselves for an evening.

You’re being unreasonable. He’s trying to ask about logistics. Presumably he wants to make sure you’d have the time to date.

Same as you might ask someone who likes playing football about their team commitments. Most people wouldn’t want to be constantly vying for time if someone has other major priorities.

Well you clearly were thinking something along those lines, as you mentioned the word paedo and said ‘trust your gut’…what did you mean by that then?
Fwiw he wasn’t asking anything about her actual kids, he was asking how difficult it would be for her to meet up.

I’m just going to say 12-15 years old is not what I’d call young kids. If you said to me you had young kids I’d have assumed. 2-5 years old. Relevance - the way you present things matters, when you say young - someone will immediately thing they need looking after. Just a thought!

How you deal with your kids has nothing to do with a complete stranger. I would ignore him or block to burn.

Children over the age of 10 are not young kids.
You sound like hard work tbh.

Why are you being so melodramatic?

Men on dating apps are often on it looking for single mums for one reason and one reason only.

Can you elaborate?

Are you always so easily offended?
The question makes perfect sense to me. I'd want to know if someone would have the availability I wanted in a relationship and 12 is that in-between age where some children need babysitting and some don't.

I think he is simply searching for a window of opportunity for the chance of a date. That's not unreasonable in itself. However, that does not mean that you are being unreasonable. Everyone one of us has an inbuilt intuition that something does not feel right, and that is what you appear to be experiencing. I'm always telling people to "listen to their body", but in this case, I would say "listen to your mind". My gut feeling is that something else is niggling you about this which you haven't got a conscious finger on, but your conscious mind is conjuring up the AIBU argument for decling contact to protect youself. In short, if you don't feel comfortable, don't make further contact. Think of yourself first and foremost.

I think he should keep looking.

To be honest he sounds like he's just being considerate and responsible. Probably marriage material.