Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for ignoring him? He asked about childcare for my kids.

150 replies

NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:11

I'm a single mum with 3 young kids (12-15) and I've been texting a guy (we're both 50) from an app who said we should chat on the phone soon to arrange a date. I said I'd prefer text right now but we can call later if we get a chance. So he texted me the next day;

"Just wondering, I know you've young kids but are they too young to stay home alone or do you have someone to watch them?"

I had no clue why he needed to ask that??? Why would he think I'd leave them alone and what's it got to do with him??? Why the hell is he asking that??

He explained he was just trying to see how easy it is for me to get free time. He added he knows I'm a busy single-mum after all and he doesn't know how busy I am or what my my other commitments are. I laughed and told him I am busy but I do teach my kids to be independent and so they're very good. I told him I'd msg him later as I'm busy. That was 3 days ago now and I've not contacted him since. He texted me today, "Still busy?" but I've not replied or even opened it.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE TO IGNORE HIM AND WRITE HIM OFF FOR ASKING ABOUT MY KIDS?

OP posts:
BronzedSun · 14/09/2026 00:13

He’s not asking about your kids. He’s wondering how much free time you have and whether there’ll be an issue of you struggling to meet as you always need to arrange childcare first. It’s really not an unreasonable thing to check.

thecatinblack · 14/09/2026 00:15

I don’t think dating is for you. Your reaction is extreme.

MummyDummyNow · 14/09/2026 00:15

I think that’s a fair question, he just wants to know if it’s going to be tricky to arrange dates if you have to get babysitters etc

AlwayAnxious · 14/09/2026 00:16

Its a question.

Dont bother msg him again. He needs someone more chilled out

Firefly1987 · 14/09/2026 00:16

Are you planning on taking your kids on the date with you Confused

saltandlineker · 14/09/2026 00:16

Surely he’s asking about your kids so he knows how likely it is that you can go on a date? And I wouldn’t say they’re particularly young kids. I assumed you meant primary school age when you said young.

however if he’s pissed you off then you are well within your rights not to message him again. That’s your call. Whatever you feel comfortable with. You’re not obliged to do anything you don’t want to do.

whatwouldlilacerullodo · 14/09/2026 00:17

12-15? That's not young, and they can stay home alone. Did you mean 2-5?

FriendlyMedusa · 14/09/2026 00:18

I voted YANBU because I think any 50 year old, even if they don't have kids of their own, should know the answer to this question. 😅

And also have the social skills to phrase "how free are you for dates" in a less creepy way.

Crumpelstiltskin · 14/09/2026 00:19

Is this a different man to the other one you've also just posted about?

Naurrr · 14/09/2026 00:19

He probably wonders what you mean by having 'young' kids as it means you wouldn't be free for dates, but yours aren't young requiring constant supervision

Dancingonlies · 14/09/2026 00:20

He was asking how easy meeting up will be. I don’t really know what is offensive or what the issue was. But obviously you’re not obliged to keep speaking with anyone.

Tumbler2121 · 14/09/2026 00:21

He’s probably dated someone in the past who could only see him twice a month because of childcare issues!

Uberella · 14/09/2026 00:21

I’d say he’s trying to assess your availability to date;if you don’t have childcare available then it might be tricky to arrange dates.

It’s entirely possible that he’s tried to date someone previously who’s had very limited availability due to childcare issue.

I feel it’s a valid and well thought out question that’ll prevent both of you potentially wasting each other’s time.

Naurrr · 14/09/2026 00:22

Crumpelstiltskin · 14/09/2026 00:19

Is this a different man to the other one you've also just posted about?

You might be better off just not dating at all OP. It doesn't seem worth it.

Franjipanl8r · 14/09/2026 00:23

Why are 12-15 aged children young? He’s just asking how much free time you have surely.

OhHobnobs · 14/09/2026 00:23

He asked because he wants to know the liklihood of you going on a date with him.

I think you should stay busy and let him find someone perhaps less strung out.

Pinklightning · 14/09/2026 00:23

Since when are 12-15 year olds young kids?
Perfectly reasonable, albeit strangely worded question from him.
Batshit reaction from you. He’s had a lucky escape of this is how you react to a guy trying to find out if you’re available for dates and if he needs to consider that you’ll need childcare.

Original poster
NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:25

Yes. Different men.

OP posts:
JaneFoe · 14/09/2026 00:26

Firefly1987 · 14/09/2026 00:16

Are you planning on taking your kids on the date with you Confused

Hope she didn't take them on the last date, would have been quite traumatic for them.

Ace56 · 14/09/2026 00:26

How are you expecting to date anyone - will you leave your kids alone for an evening or will you need to arrange a babysitter every time? That’s what he’s trying to ask you in a bit of a clumsy way.
I don’t blame him, as I’d imagine it’s very difficult dating a single parent.

JustMeSimply · 14/09/2026 00:26

Simply a question that will give him the answer as to wether he can arrange a meet up if I had answered my now dh with your weird outrageous reaction I wouldn't be married to him now. Tbh hope he finds someone who wants to date as a simple phone call is normal to, you find out if your talking to who you think your talking to aswell

Brendayouknowthatyouremuchtoolazy · 14/09/2026 00:26

He was not BU.
U are BU on so many levels.
Ps, 12+ is not 'young kid"

Ace56 · 14/09/2026 00:29

Also you do not have ‘young children’, you have teenagers ffs

Shoobadadoo · 14/09/2026 00:30

Young kids are children under 7/8 years old. You don’t have young kids!!

BibbityBoppityTwo · 14/09/2026 00:32

It’s a normal question. He’s just being considerate by trying to establish how easy it is for you to get out. Obviously if you have to arrange someone to look after the kids you might need to plan a date a bit further ahead. If you can leave them at home then you might be able to go out quite easily.