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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for ignoring him? He asked about childcare for my kids.

150 replies

NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:11

I'm a single mum with 3 young kids (12-15) and I've been texting a guy (we're both 50) from an app who said we should chat on the phone soon to arrange a date. I said I'd prefer text right now but we can call later if we get a chance. So he texted me the next day;

"Just wondering, I know you've young kids but are they too young to stay home alone or do you have someone to watch them?"

I had no clue why he needed to ask that??? Why would he think I'd leave them alone and what's it got to do with him??? Why the hell is he asking that??

He explained he was just trying to see how easy it is for me to get free time. He added he knows I'm a busy single-mum after all and he doesn't know how busy I am or what my my other commitments are. I laughed and told him I am busy but I do teach my kids to be independent and so they're very good. I told him I'd msg him later as I'm busy. That was 3 days ago now and I've not contacted him since. He texted me today, "Still busy?" but I've not replied or even opened it.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE TO IGNORE HIM AND WRITE HIM OFF FOR ASKING ABOUT MY KIDS?

OP posts:
Original poster
NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 04:10

Whattodo1122 · 14/09/2026 03:58

I would find that question a little odd…might just be the wording but I’m a big believer to always Trust your instincts.

Well English isn't my first language but I do know what he was asking but I can't figure out why his wording is so odd or inappropriate. I know it was an innocent question but I'm irked by it and can't explain why.

OP posts:
Clonakilla · 14/09/2026 05:04

He’s trying to find out if you actually have time to date.

You sound absolutely unhinged. Certainly let him go - for his sake.

Strawberrryfields · 14/09/2026 05:05

Do you feel he was insinuating that you’re not looking after your kids properly? As if you need to be reminded that they might need childcare when you’re out on dates? As if you wouldn’t have thought about this yourself before making any plans?

I don’t think it was an unreasonable question from him and your reaction seems overblown, but perhaps that’s what irked you?

Snorlaxo · 14/09/2026 05:16

Your reaction is bizarre and his question is very reasonable.

I live in the UK and could leave my 12-15 year olds at home for a few hours while I went on a date. Overnight would be when the youngest was away at a sleepover or with dad but they would be fine while I got dinner or whatever.

A person without children is reasonable to wonder how long dates might be and how many times per week they might see you. For example if you only want dates during school hours then that might not be convenient for him if he’s a teacher. It’s not reasonable to expect him to know hoe capable your kids are and how much free time you have for dating.

If your 12-15 year olds aren’t ready to be at home without you then you need to explain that to the man. Maybe they have special needs or you live somewhere very dangerous- you know why. The fact that he asked about childcare might mean he doesn’t know how capable the average teen/tween is or he knows why they can’t be left alone but he doesn’t know if you have a babysitter like a grandparent who could help. Perfectly reasonable not to want your kids on your date.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 14/09/2026 05:19

12-15 (or 12-13) can be left home alone if it’s not overnight. I don’t think there is anything wrong with the question, he is trying to get a better understanding of your situation.

WellThatsNotAGrowthMindset · 14/09/2026 05:29

It's a valid question. Unless SEND, many a 15 year old will and can look after siblings for a couple of hours, so you could meet for coffee and a chat or similar.
Totally reasonable question.
Very odd reaction from you.

shockthemonkey · 14/09/2026 05:38

NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:37

Sorry, that was a typo - I meant 12 -13.

Show quote history

Are there twins in there? No other way you’d get three kids ages 12-13

Oh, and YABU

DarkForces · 14/09/2026 05:44

" AM I BEING UNREASONABLE TO IGNORE HIM AND WRITE HIM OFF FOR ASKING ABOUT MY KIDS?" Yes. Yabu. He asked a straightforward question as presumably he's not a father so wanted to check how easy you'd find it to meet him. But if you don't want to meet him let him know or block him and don't.

CeciliaMars · 14/09/2026 06:02

This is a totally normal question! He wants to know how free you are to go on dates! By the way, 12-13 is not young children.

Daffodilsinthespring · 14/09/2026 06:06

You don’t have young children. You have older children

MumofCandR · 14/09/2026 06:21

You sound intense and not ready for a relationship.

KookyFish · 14/09/2026 06:29

Yikes, completely normal thing to ask

99bottlesofkombucha · 14/09/2026 06:32

I think you sound a little oversensitive about your dc to be seriously dating. It sounds like a perfectly fair question to me.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 14/09/2026 06:51

If one simple question gets you this het up, I'd say you are not ready to date.

Sartre · 14/09/2026 06:59

He’s trying to ascertain how easy dating you will be which is a pretty normal thing to do. Your reaction is really very extreme and aggressive.

Divebar2021 · 14/09/2026 07:06

I don’t really understand messaging etiquette anymore because it seems like you could have clarified what he meant fairly easily. Instead you’ve punished him by ignoring him for several days. I would run a mile if I was him… not for the children but for the overreaction.

Teaandtoastserveddaily · 14/09/2026 07:22

You have teenagers OP who can stay home on their own. Lol is this a wind up?

Cardhey · 14/09/2026 07:23

He’s had a lucky escape.

liveforsummer · 14/09/2026 07:25

He’s wondering if your are actually likely to make it to a date or if you’re just looking for a penpal. Entirely fair if you’re on there with the intention to actually meet and spend time with someone

redskyAtNigh · 14/09/2026 07:32

Sounds like he's found out the answer to a question he didn't ask.
Your communication style is poor and you can't deal with (perceived) conflict.

(For future reference if you don't like someone asking about your children then tell them, don't waffle and then give them the silent treatment).

Alwaystired101 · 14/09/2026 07:34

Ive read this post and your other post

Your attitude and behaviour is weird as fuck

Instead of looking for a man get yourself to the gp.for councelling

BlueMum16 · 14/09/2026 07:35

Clonakilla · 14/09/2026 05:04

He’s trying to find out if you actually have time to date.

You sound absolutely unhinged. Certainly let him go - for his sake.

Making sure you read this OP.

Completely reasonable. As is his follow up question of still busy.

You either want to meet someone or you don't. You clearly dont know what you want.

BillieWiper · 14/09/2026 07:37

It was clumsily worded and a bit weird. I mean he clearly doesn't have children of his own.

I guess you've got the ick now. But I mean he did explain why he said it and that does seem fairly reasonable. It's really up to you.

BlueMum16 · 14/09/2026 07:37

NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:37

Sorry, that was a typo - I meant 12 -13.

Show quote history

Still not young.

KiwiFall · 14/09/2026 07:37

If that question offends you then maybe not date for a while. He was trying to find out (maybe in a clunky way) how free you are for dates in person given that you said you want to keep it on text.