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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU for ignoring him? He asked about childcare for my kids.

150 replies

NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:11

I'm a single mum with 3 young kids (12-15) and I've been texting a guy (we're both 50) from an app who said we should chat on the phone soon to arrange a date. I said I'd prefer text right now but we can call later if we get a chance. So he texted me the next day;

"Just wondering, I know you've young kids but are they too young to stay home alone or do you have someone to watch them?"

I had no clue why he needed to ask that??? Why would he think I'd leave them alone and what's it got to do with him??? Why the hell is he asking that??

He explained he was just trying to see how easy it is for me to get free time. He added he knows I'm a busy single-mum after all and he doesn't know how busy I am or what my my other commitments are. I laughed and told him I am busy but I do teach my kids to be independent and so they're very good. I told him I'd msg him later as I'm busy. That was 3 days ago now and I've not contacted him since. He texted me today, "Still busy?" but I've not replied or even opened it.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE TO IGNORE HIM AND WRITE HIM OFF FOR ASKING ABOUT MY KIDS?

OP posts:
Spiffingdarling88 · 14/09/2026 07:37

Maybe you should stop dating, your actions are extreme, if it is indeed real, from this one to your other thread.

MummyWillow1 · 14/09/2026 07:37

Your kids are all in secondary school, they aren’t young kids.

He asked a perfectly reasonable question, he sounds like a nice guy who was just trying to ascertain if meeting up with him was going to cause you issues.

Taking your kids on a first date is a bit extreme.

Keymoment · 14/09/2026 07:38

It’s a perfectly normal question and your reaction is completely over the top.

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/09/2026 07:38

Did you tell him the ages or just said young ?

either way I get why he asked

that age can easily stay alone for 2/3hrs while you meet for a drink /meal

thi I get some may use a babysitter

I think the question was innocent and you ignoring him for 3 days is petty and immature

BEAchDays2 · 14/09/2026 07:42

He’s had a lucky escape!

ItsNotMeEither · 14/09/2026 07:44

If you told me you had young kids, I'd probably assume all were under 10, if not under school age.

I think he's just working out if you can come for a coffee/drink/dinner without it being too much of a drama.

If I knew they were all over 12, I think I'd expect that you could indeed enjoy the odd meet up without too much difficulty.

You seem to have had quite an extreme reaction to a simple question.

Merrybandofpirates · 14/09/2026 07:49

I’m a single mum, I did online dating. He asked a normal question and you’ve behaved badly. You shouldn’t be dating.

Also, your kids are not young. They are teens. Why are you saying you wouldn’t possibly leave them alone? At that age, yes, you would. I suspect that’s why he asked so early because you say you have young kids but then admit they are teenagers. He probably suspects that you are babying them and is wondering how badly that is gong to affect other aspects of life.

LondonPapa · 14/09/2026 07:50

NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:11

I'm a single mum with 3 young kids (12-15) and I've been texting a guy (we're both 50) from an app who said we should chat on the phone soon to arrange a date. I said I'd prefer text right now but we can call later if we get a chance. So he texted me the next day;

"Just wondering, I know you've young kids but are they too young to stay home alone or do you have someone to watch them?"

I had no clue why he needed to ask that??? Why would he think I'd leave them alone and what's it got to do with him??? Why the hell is he asking that??

He explained he was just trying to see how easy it is for me to get free time. He added he knows I'm a busy single-mum after all and he doesn't know how busy I am or what my my other commitments are. I laughed and told him I am busy but I do teach my kids to be independent and so they're very good. I told him I'd msg him later as I'm busy. That was 3 days ago now and I've not contacted him since. He texted me today, "Still busy?" but I've not replied or even opened it.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE TO IGNORE HIM AND WRITE HIM OFF FOR ASKING ABOUT MY KIDS?

You’re insane. He is trying to gauge whether you’ll ever meet up. He’s dodged a bullet if you don’t respond.

RVectensian · 14/09/2026 07:51

You have 3 kids aged 12 to 13?

Merrybandofpirates · 14/09/2026 07:51

.

Merrybandofpirates · 14/09/2026 07:53

RVectensian · 14/09/2026 07:51

You have 3 kids aged 12 to 13?

Who are you replying to? Because OP has 3 kids from 12 to 15.

But twins do exist so 12 to 13 would be possible. Not really sure what your post is about?

Just seen OP had updated the ages of her kids to 13. So twins then?

Skyflier · 14/09/2026 07:54

Merrybandofpirates · 14/09/2026 07:53

Who are you replying to? Because OP has 3 kids from 12 to 15.

But twins do exist so 12 to 13 would be possible. Not really sure what your post is about?

Just seen OP had updated the ages of her kids to 13. So twins then?

Edited
Show quote history

She then changed it to kids aged 12-13

bababamama · 14/09/2026 07:55

Your children aren’t young and it’s a fair question, also why don’t you want to speak on the phone, best way of seeing if there’s any spark without meeting

Merrybandofpirates · 14/09/2026 07:56

@NickyC1975

You still don’t have young kids. They’re aged 12 to 13, they can stay home alone. Calling them young kids shows him that you are going to be an issue.

PetulaGordeno · 14/09/2026 07:56

Just read your other thread.
You sound all over the place. Stay off the apps for a while or meeting someone.
I think it was a perfectly okay question he’s just trying to gauge if you have any time to yourself.
Considering the absolutely vile messages some men send I think it was fine.

MajorSamanthaCarter · 14/09/2026 07:57

NickyC1975 · 14/09/2026 00:57

No. They're both different guys from an app at different times. And I didn't snog the other guy, there was no tongues.

Show quote history

You do know snogging doesn't have to involve tongues don't you?

WorkCleanRepeat · 14/09/2026 07:59

You are being weird!

Branleuse · 14/09/2026 08:00

I think that if you get a weird feeling from a bloke when in the early stages then it's worth paying attention to that. Particularly when it's regarding your children. Its not always easy to explain why certain questions or answers may make your spidey senses tingle, but if they do, then you're better being too cautious than not enough.

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 14/09/2026 08:00

YABU but he's already annoyed you so move on to the next. Your gut is there for a reason.

Messedupmyusernameagain · 14/09/2026 08:05

If you're 50 it's perfectly possible your kids could be any age from 10-30 so why would he not assume it was possible for them to be left alone? He is probably aware that they aren't toddlers. He was just asking probably because you were being massively standoffish. Maybe give dating a break?

bananaobama · 14/09/2026 08:06

perfectly reasonable question. No point starting something with someone who wont ever be free

why didnt you want to chat on the phone?

ClearFruit · 14/09/2026 08:12

Your reaction is extremely odd. He's had a lucky escape.

PenelopePinkerton · 14/09/2026 08:14

I can see why you’re single.

mindutopia · 14/09/2026 08:15

That seems like a totally normal opening question to arranging a time to meet up. I’ve asked similar of my mum friends when trying to find a time to meet for coffee. He sounds like he’s being considerate of your time. I agree though that dating sounds like it’s not for you.

pictoosh · 14/09/2026 08:15

Agree with the others...he'd do well to find someone less prickly.