AIBU for ignoring him? He asked about childcare for my kids.

Well, OP I am in the minority because I agree with you. Weird question, when all he needs to say is I know you're busy so I can fit around your free time, Let me know when is best for you. The paedos usually target single mums with young kids, so I doubt he's that, but his question is icky anyway and would make me feel weird too.

Seems like you have a communication problem. I would understand this to mean can we meet up or will you need to arrange childcare first. You sound like very hard work.

You aren’t ready to date. Just stay single for now.

He asked a planning question and you have reacted really negatively. Whatever is going on you are not in the right place so don’t waste your (or anyone else’s) time with working out you aren’t ready.

If you aren’t able to have a phone conversation with someone you are considering going on a date with you need to take a complete break. If someone said they were unwilling to have a conversation rather than message I would walk away, that is just weird. Frankly that sounds like a simple screening step.

Your being very weird about a total normal question

You are irked as you shouldn't be dating.

Wow OP…step away from dating! Your reaction to this quite reasonable question was extreme! 🤯

He’s simply ascertaining whether OP actually has the ability to meet at some point. There is no suggestion he wants any access to the ‘young’ dc (who are actually teenagers)

It sounds to me like he just wanted to know if you are likely to be able to go out and have fun. I think I would want to know the same thing.

Why is it icky? Do you think the whole dating thing is a scam and he’s actually planning to break in while her children are alone in the house? 😒 That’s an incredible reach

I was babysitting my 2 younger siblings when I was 12😀
I think this chap has dodged a bullet tbh

I think if you arent ready to speak to him, then you probably arent ready for dating, irrespective of your kids age and whether they need childcare.
I dont think it was an unreasonable question, but maybe written down it sounded more awkward than had you spoken to him.
I would imagine 12-13 year old kids wouldnt need childcare if you were out for a few hours, (unless had additional needs) but wouldn't be left overnight. But he may assume different if he thinks they are younger.

No that's weird, didn't occur to me at all. Why did it you?? No I just don't like it, asking detail about her kids when they don't know about each other. It's simply in appropriate.

I’d just view it as someone asking if I had time to date 🤷‍♀️

And yes, with sensible children that’s an ok age to leave them for an hour or two for a coffee date

I think you'll find my comment agrees with you about 'access to' the DC.

Not sure anyone would understand what was wrong with this🤷‍♀️.

He’s not asking about her kids, he’s asking about her availability to meet up

I’d say he was assessing how free you actually are to date. Tbh it seems like he’s looking for someone to see regularly and he’s checking if that’s a possibility for you

Do you think he’s trying to find out if your children will be at home alone so that he can arrange for someone to go there or what is your thinking behind this question?

i think he's just trying to find out how available,spontaneous/flexible you would be allbeit a bit clumsy in wording.
I wouldn't write him off for that one question alone.
Is there anything else that is giving you reservations?

I don’t think dating is for you. Your reaction is extreme.

Definitely this. Chill out, OP

YABU. Its a fair question, especially important as I don't think many people would consider 12-15 year olds as young children. If you are dating with intention, children's ages are relevant. A big difference between dating someone with preschoolers and someone whose children are basically self-sufficient. Your reaction seem extreme - is there more behind it?

Does he know how old your children are, or did you tell him that you had 'young children'? Because he may well assume that you've got toddlers (which ARE young children) rather than children old enough to be left alone while you go for a coffee or a walk or whatever.

And he might not want to date someone who is never going to be available at short notice because she has to find a babysitter. He might want to be spontaneous, or to see you for more than the one day a fortnight when the 'young children' might be with their father.

He's not wrong, he's trying to sort out whether you are going to be able to date him in the way he wants to date.

You don’t like this man so stop wasting his time.

You are going to get this question a lot though.
As well as things like - what time do you finish work, do you work weekends efc

It’s just a way to find out each other’s schedules to arrange a date.

I’m going on a date on the weekend but the man sees he’s kids EOW and I have more free time as mine are older.
I asked him which weekends he has his DC and told him I was free on X date and does he need to get back by a certain time etc.

Gently OP, communication is everything and if you can’t communicate properly then there’s no hope.

Sounds like he is just asking and not making assumptions. You have massively over reacted and not replying is actually really rude of you. Dont be surprised if he has changed his mind.

Have you ever dated a man with kids?

It’s a pretty standard question to find out when he’s seeing them and if he needs to be back by a certain time to collect them etc (I ask these questions anyway).

You obviously ask each other questions like if you have DCs etc at the beginning and then when you try and arrange a date you want to know each others availability.

Surely asking if you need childcare is no different from asking if you work evenings and weekends.

Lots of women don’t like having to be the one who ‘arranges’ the date and prefers a man who takes more responsibility over it.
If he had just said let me know when you are free, OP may have felt like he wasn’t that interested.