Should I tell my daughter she's got post?

Post gets left on the hall shelf in my household in separate piles. I don't tell anyone if any post has arrived for them. They can look at the shelf when they leave or come back to the house.

Well I think she's being incredibly rude and I'd stop cooking for her, no washing etc.

Stop cooking for her unless she actually comes to eat with the rest of the family!!

I’d tell her it’s there but wouldn’t take it up to her

She sounds rude.

Why are you cooking for her? If she isn't willing to be polite and eat at family meals then she can sort her own food out.

I wouldn't bother telling her she has post. If she ordered something and its important she will go look for it.

Yeah some people set themselves a very low bar.

You have a choice, offend or you let matters ride and increase your resentment. Those are your choices only you will understand the nuances of the consequences. So get on with it. Weak parents produce weak children.

My DS has been a bit like that this summer. I've taken to taking a photo of whatever he is meant to be attending to and Whatsapping him. My job is done and I can stop stressing.
He seems to notice the messages whereas my voice just goes in one ear and out the other.

Given that she is an adult and isn’t joining you for meals that the rest of the family are eating, maybe think about why you are cooking for her. Also a PP asked what she is paying for her keep. I’d like to know this too. She is behaving like a sulky teenager, but perhaps you are also treating her like one. Are you also doing her washing?

Have you tried sitting her down and talking to her about her attitude towards the family when she’s at home? Maybe if you’ve always looked after her every need she just takes it for granted? I don’t mean this in an aggressive way at all, just trying to come up with ideas for you ☺️

What rubbish! She is a member of the family and is not doing any favours on anyone. Her behaviour is quite rude.

Why don’t you just tell her when she’s got mail? That would seem normal to me.

Just chuck them on her bed

Maybe she doesn't exist in the world to do favours. Maybe her presence is enough. Maybe she does extraordinarily kind things that no-one sees, and just doesn't think about her post much?

Did your daughter just suddenly appear in your house one day? Or did you raise her from a young age and bring her up to be like this?

Do you think you should have allowed her to leave home if she is so useless at behaving like an adult?

I don’t have much sympathy for you. When I was at university I was in a house share with a girl who completely ruined my experience. She was not mature enough to be living independently and I remember at the time wondering how on earth her parents had allowed her to leave home. Usually I hate seeing women aged over 18 referred to as “girls”, but there’s no way I could seriously call her a woman - she was barely a functioning human being, and nothing like any other adult I’ve ever met.

I remember her complaining once because her mother “always had a go at her”, and I remember thinking how I wasn’t at all surprised.

Oh, aren't you weird.
Do you actually allow your family members to treat you like head cook and bottle washer because they might, unbeknownst to you, be saintly paragons outside the house? Or is this just a bizarre flex?

Yes. I do this with my DD. I just put everything on her bed.

What do you actually get out of having her living with you?

I wouldn’t tell her. It’s not like you’ve concealed them or tucked them somewhere out of the way. You’ve left them in a perfectly obvious reasonable place. If she chooses to stay in her room and treats the house and her family with utter disdain when she comes down, then maybe she’ll learn not to stick her nose in the air and ignore the house and its other occupants.

If there’s a parcel, then presumably she’s expecting that. I assume she’s just waiting for her personal servant (you) to hand deliver it into her lap as she scrolls on her phone.

Dont! Leave it on the table and maybe that will make her wake up to her surroundings and pay attention.

I don't understand this ... surely you just hand the post to her and say 'this post arrived for you DD' and DD grunts or says 'oh thanks mum'. Or you point to post and say 'DD not sure if you've noticed but you've got some post that came the other day and it's on the coffee table'. Or you take it and put it on her bed.
Surely all of these things are just normal communication though!
Why are you on here asking how to cover such a simple form of communication?
Also why aren't they coming down to eat evening meals with the rest of the family?

Agree, my 3rd year student has been back for 10 days this summer. Is only back now cos she was looking after the dogs yesterday. Have accepted she’s got her own life now.

Same here. She's an adult and mum isn't her PA.

When my 20 something kids get mail, I just put it on their beds. Then they get it when they get home and it's out of the way. Easy.

I think next time you see her, you need to tell her that her behaviour this summer has actually really upset you, that you feel like an unpaid maid for a lodger who doesn't pay rent. She's behaving SO selfishly - this is her family home, not just a bunch of dickheads she happens to live with.

I was horrible at this age, but I didn't treat my family home like it was there solely for my own convenience.

On a silver platter, perhaps.