Should I tell my daughter she's got post?

Isn't it basic manners to say "post has arrived for you, I've put it on the coffee table"

Isn't it also basic manners to interact with the people you live with?

Why aren't you telling your daughter she has post? Are you 'punishing' her for not communicating the way you want her to or not spending time with you?

Also she's 21. Yes, technically she's an adult but an immature one... give her a break ❤️

You haven’t forgotten though, you are just being a bit odd about it. When does she leave?

Purely from a clutter point of view, I would just put the post somewhere obvious in her room like the bed. Then think no more of it.

I can't imagine having to make a thread on Mumsnet to decide whether you should communicate with your child. Good god.

This is absurd. The adult in question is getting everything paid for, and is surly and rude in return. Maybe raise your bar.

DD sounds normal for her age? They have their own lives, you can’t keep them tied to your apron strings forever. You’re lucky she eats meals with you, talk to her then.

And yes, tell her she has post and take it up to her room to give to her.

This.

The kids have had various attitude when they've come back - DD1 been like you describe some trips back - mostly I get round it by communicating clearly expectations asking if I want something done and letting rest of it pass with time and not playing stupid games to win stupid prizes.

I tell DP if she's got post, in the past I've told flatmates I barely know that they've got post!

I think I'd actually find it a bit odd if someone moved my post from by the front door and didn't mention it to me. I wouldn't assume that a parcel someone else had put on a table was for me.

Wouldn't you rather say one sentence to your DD than stare at her post for weeks?

What would you have liked your mum to have done for you OP?

It’s a weird age to know where you fit in the family. I’d have taken it up and put it on her bed.

I’m not really sure how you want her to spend time with you as she’s joining for meals. Dd is 18 and she’s off out and about or in her room, eats with us and occasionally joins film nights, but she has her own life. I did ask her to cook once a week and she washed up on week nights. I think you need to allocate jobs rather than magically expect her to start noticing. I don’t think that happens until they have their own homes.

You gain nothing by not telling her she has post.

I’m quite surprised by some of these responses. I would expect more from my children if they are of working age, and yet I’m still financing their lives. Surely it’s isn’t too much to expect them to be civil? They can have their own life without pointedly ignoring everyone else in the house.

This is what I do. As soon as they come in I let them know there is a letter or parcel for them every time. I thought that was normal.

OP can also be civil and just say ‘you’ve got post’, there’s nothing to be gained by not doing that.

Na, if someone is that disengaged with the household, despite attempts to engage her, then I'm not putting their post on their bed like a maid, or handing it to them like a butler.

Pick it up from where the post gets put or don't.

So she eats and leaves the table no chat wolfs her dinner and goes ? Can you not just say there is post for you , 21 year olds are not teenagers that grunt they are grown adults why is she "allowed " to act like this?

It is normal, to mention there is letters and packages.

A teen/dependent adult child regularly eating meals with the family past age 15 is the opposite of ignoring everyone in the house. Unless during meals everyone is staring at a screen? We have a screen ban at the dinner table that applies to everyone.

But she clearly hasn't been raised in a civil household... the OP isn't even civil.eniugh to say "You got post" or "I left your post on the table" and has instead left it build.up for 2 weeks. So I can imagine basic manners aren't part of this house.

I think it's a life lesson thing and you should have a chat with her. Is she house sharing in college/uni? What are her plans when she graduates?

A chat about responsibilities and relationships and communications when you live with other people is where I'd come at this from.

Shit sandwich it

First slice of bread - We love that you're here and we're so proud of you. I'm so glad that you've got lots of friends and a big busy life.
Filling - Have you spotted that you've got a parcel and post on the table? It's been there for ages! I'm a bit worried that you've used home as a hotel and I'd kind of hoped that when you went away and houseshared that you'd get a better idea about how we all need to work as a team to pick stuff up and notice the household things that need doing. I'm not better at tidying up, I just end up having to do it because no one else does and that makes me feel shit.
Second slice of bread - you've got a fabulous life ahead of you living with friends and partners and I just want us to have a bit of a chat about noticing things, taking some household responsibilities and all that.

All very patronising probably but there we are.

I am naturally messier and less bothered about stuff than my parents and I'm in my 40s. We've got different approaches to doing things so I adapt when I'm in their house and embrace the chaos a bit more in my own home.

I'd very easily spot that I've got post or a parcel and just think "I don't need that until next week" or "I'll open that later" and then forget or sometimes I am scared of what's in some envelopes! Like scary bills or fines or whatever (not that they usually are, I'm a sensible driver etc, I'm just a panicker at heart).

My adult niece is living with me and is similar re not noticing things and spending most of her time in her room. This is all fine with me. I tell her if there's post for her or I leave it outside her bedroom door. Not a big deal.

Leave the post in her room. It’s more annoying having to look at it. She’s 21, she could be a bit more social in the family, otherwise normal.

Christ, you're being childish! Just tell her there's post for her.