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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

112 replies

PeopleStressMeOut · 10/09/2026 07:18

AIBU to think this is a bit crap, and how would you respond to this message?

I just got a message from a close family member about my DC's upcoming birthday.

They asked for their address (Uni) but then in the next sentence said, "or should I just not bother and scrap birthday cards now?"

On one hand I think yes cards are getting a bit pointless, but on the other I have never once missed one of their DC's birthdays.

If it wasn't my DC's 18th birthday I think I would have said OK don't bother.

AIBU, WWYD about a response?

OP posts:

Idontpostmuch · 11/09/2026 20:49

JJWT · 11/09/2026 19:58

Your dc started uni before turning 18? That's not unheard of, but it is unusual. We usually make the 18th card the last one, usually with money in it, then don't do Xmas gifts after that either. Easter eggs tend to peter out mid teens. Im.sure each family has their own expectations. The slight complication with these family habits is that most parents have a toe in two contrasting families!

Not at all unusual in Scotland. Students entering S6 will be somewhere in the age range 16.5 yrs to 17.5 yrs. Those who then go on to university are between 17.5 yrs and 18.5 yrs, or actually a little older, since school year starts in August, and Uni term either Sep or Oct. I was 17 and 9 months. There was another student in my course who was only 17 yrs 1 month at the start of term. She had come directly from S5, much less common now.

Idontpostmuch · 11/09/2026 20:51

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

Very common in Scotland. I was 17 yrs 9 months.

jdb9803 · 11/09/2026 20:53

SwanUpmanship · 10/09/2026 07:29

Does your DC send a birthday card to your relative - in their own name, I don't mean being included in one you send?

In your relative's position, unless the DC was sending me cards independently, I would probably make 18 the last.

Does the other persons kid send cards to OP, who sends cards to them?

Thepossibility · 11/09/2026 22:32

Will the card be empty if they send it? Then yes that is pointless and old fashioned. Text message. Cards are for Gran. My kids would raise their eyebrows to an empty card.
With a present or gift/card money inside then fine.

Hankunamatata · 11/09/2026 22:44

Well.what do you want them to do?

They are literally asking you.

Idontpostmuch · 11/09/2026 23:57

Why are some posters saying nobody sends cards? Shops are full of them.

Idontpostmuch · 11/09/2026 23:59

AutumnRussett · 10/09/2026 10:20

I think cards will die out completely in the next ten years .

That was said about radio. Video didn't kill the radio star.

AmnesiacsDream · 12/09/2026 00:21

I would treat it as her just trying to find out what the expectations are with a nudge towards stopping. I'd probably respond something like - I'm sure he'd appreciate a card for his 18th, but after that maybe it's time to stop.

And then I'd stick to that for her DC too - cards until they're 18 and then no more.

Mermaidmusing · 12/09/2026 00:27

Perfectly valid question. Although tbh, I wouldn’t have bothered asking you, I would just stop sending cards, even to a niece/nephew, after an 18th, that would be the cut-off. I can’t imagine a young adult at uni gives 2 hoots about birthday cards from anyone outside immediate family anyway.

springtome · 12/09/2026 06:22

I think feeling hurt is a strange response. We stopped cards and gifts for nieces and nephews after 18 but 18 was the last and we do a slightly bigger gift. So it feels weird to me that they would decide to not bother with a big birthday. I don’t think I would feel hurt though.

dh280125 · 14/09/2026 12:02

I'd say let's scrap it after 18. That's a reasonable rule.

Thebinisrightthere · 15/09/2026 08:22

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 08:27

The implication being they just don’t send me one?

No, we don’t do cards as we consider them to be a massive waste of money and resources. I’d rather just have a five minute phone call or even a text.

Show quote history

I wasn't implying that at all.. I meant there are plenty of people who still send cards but you may not know they do that, if you've had no reason to know

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