AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

i think this is a personal thing.
What do you think your 18 yr old would think/prefer?
One of mine would definitely still appreciate a card ,particularly on a milestone birthday,the other would prefer a text or online birthday wish.
I wouldnt be offended by the question as to what to do though. Infact i think it shows thoughfulness to check with you.

Lots of 17 year olds go to university.

I wouldn't advise anyone to send actual cash through the post. When my daughter was a student, in the early 2000s, she lost money three birthdays running from cards sent by my mother. And those were the days when the post was still working properly. Interestingly she received 2 of the cards, just not the money.

I thinl the idea was to ask if he still likes to recover cards.

It used to be that a lot of families had a cut off point for birthday cards/gifts and Easter eggs. Usually it was 16, reason being families were a lot bigger and you could commonly have well over 10 nieces and nephews or grandchildren. I grew up hearing about this cut off and didn't think much of it as it was normal. Then I remember a relative was offended when another asked if they should stop now when one of the teenagers in the family was 16. They had a small family and had no experience of this cut off. I expect that is what is going on.

Could be something or nothing as another said. Is your DC the first to go away from home in the family? So it might be genuine but poorly put way of saying things have changed? In that case you could say shall we do this up to and including 18? Do they get any acknowledgement from the DC when they send gifts/ cards?

@PeopleStressMeOut Yes, you are being very unreasonable (and weirdly pathetic) to feel "hurt" by this. Why on earth would you be "hurt"? Your child isn't your baby any more. Your relative asked a reasonable question. If you feel strongly that cards and presents should be tit for tat then why not suggest that 18 should be the cut off for all children in the family. That's what we did and I know that it's what a lot of other families did too.
You seem to be seeing it very subjectively while your relative is being sensibly pragmatic.

Good point. If you’re in Scotland @PeopleStressMeOut, and your relative isn’t, they might’ve forgotten that uni can start at 17 here.

I think it is a valid question. My two kids don't like or send birthday cards and apparently a lot of young people don't. They either send e-cards from places like Moonpig or just send a Whatsapp message/gif.

I would tell her if she wants to stop doing cards that's fine with you.

And then stop sending her kids cards too.

Surely she meant she'll text him instead? As all his friends will do. Your reaction is a bit dramatic.

I wouldn't read anything offensive into that, I'd assume they like sending the cards but are looking for insight into whether your DC still wants them.

I know I was gently encouraged to stop wasting money on cards and gifts and now I just transfer money on revolut.

Tell her to ask your son.

My dc (as most of her friends) actively chooses not to do cards for environmental reasons.

she does them for elderly relatives who get very upset if they don’t get cards.

normal to stop at 18 as well

True but cards are less bad than other birthday palaver such as wrapping paper, balloons, decorations , and unwanted gifts which end up in landfill.

My DS1 went to uni at 17. School cut off dates are different in Scotland to England (not sure about rofUK) so it’s normal for those with Autumn/Winter birthdays to turn 18 in first year at uni ( up to end of Feb). Annoying for kids who want to make the most of the union bars!

Some Scottish kids start at 17 due to how academic year falls. Scottish unis have rules about freshers to accommodate eg must be in student union before 9pm.

I often feel that not doing cards 'for environmental reasons' can be a cop out for can't be bothered.
There must be so many things that are worse such as fast fashion, takeaway coffee cups, storing huge amounts of data on the cloud etc.
Yet it is the thing that gives others joy that is dropped.

Each to their own.
My kids and I dropped cards and presents for birthdays, mothers day etc years ago. Didn't see the point. It was discussed and we all agreed,

My young adult dd wouldn’t be bothered. I’d probably message and maybe still send this time as they are 18 and just gone away to uni but stop after that.

People in Scotland can start uni at 17

Have they been getting a proper thank you every year? It sounds like maybe they're hinting that they don't feel appreciated.

Do you feel that’s too young?

I often think even 18 is too young.

I actually can’t recall the last time I bought anyone a card for anything 😬

That's the other thing I was wondering about if presents are involved.