AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

I hate cards. Useless things. I haven't sent cards in years. I will always send a message though.

We just send text messages these days but it is his 18th so it might be nice.

The academic year is different in Scotland so it’s normal to go to uni at 17 depending on when your birthday falls

I don't see why you would be hurt by that. A lot of 18 year olds don't care about impersonal cards (i.e. ones that just say "Happy Birthday from x and y") and are happy with being messaged with birthday greetings instead.
It's also perfectly possible that they are aware that the cards you send each year are not really appreciated, and perhaps they are hinting that you stop bothering without sounding ungrateful?

In terms of a response, surely you ask your DC whether they still appreciate cards? Apart from anything else, why would you give their address to someone without their permission?

Hurt? No. My in laws told me they don’t do anything after a child turns 18 (could have pointed out they hardly did anything before either). So what? Their choice.
I don’t send cards to anyone outside the immediate family. I do think 18 is probably one that if one does tend to send cards would be one to acknowledge, but not after that.

YABU, its a fair question.

I think cards will die out completely in the next ten years .

Probably steamed open the card before it got franked took the cash and popped it back into a post box .

TBH I don’t think it’s so much a money/planet issue, as the fact that they CBA.

Would the teen like the card? Mine like personal cards, messages in the cards and money or a small gift in the card, so if they are going to do that, away at uni, it's a lovely home touch, but if it's any old card with just a name in it, perhaps not.

My mum still sends my kids letters and cards and they are in their twenties, I love getting birthday cards from my mum but I don't need everyone else to send one. We use them to send very personal messages (e.g. appreciation, thanks, admiration, pride), if it's not that then it might be a bit redundant these days.

I’m not sure what 18yo today cares about a card. Honestly op, I think you are more upset than your child. I’ve recently had to post a card for something specific and it was such a bloody pain. Firstly I’m not very close to a post office so it was out of my way, I’ve also very rarely ever need to visit one so again it was a special planned trip. It’s looked at once and most likely chucked away. A text or even digital card is better all round

And fair enough. Cards are a massive faff and expense for what is essentially a bit of paper that ends up in the bin two days after being opened.

Yeah that's crap. 18 is the single most important birthday because you're officially / legally an adult. Bit of a weird message - maybe ask if they realise it's their 18th? "Did you forget it's their 18th? Are you only planning to send a card for that milestone"?

Keep it light and innocent. Make them feel a bit silly.

The envelopes of the two cards she did receive had been very neatly slit along the bottom rather than opened at the top which sadly suggests it was actually the post man end of the process. If it had been pre-sorting office they would have been stickered "Sorry your item has been damaged". I had visions of the postman/woman sitting in their van up a back alley somewhere, with a craft knife, slitting any likely looking envelopes.
I did eventually get my Mum to stop doing it but not until £100 of 21st birthday money was taken from the last one.

I agree, I think personal messages and cards are lovely and always appreciated. I message my uni daughter all the time but every so often I'll send her what I call a "proper chatty" letter or I'll make up a small parcel and include a nice card with some personal messages. I know DD really appreciates these and likes having something that she can keep.

I can't imagine she would be that bothered about getting a card from distant relatives that probably won't say more than "from x and y" (and she may struggle to remember who x and y are). That doesn't achieve any more than sending a text/Whatsapp message would do.

If it’s any consolation they would have been caught eventually because if enough people living in the same area complained about missing money in cards the dots would soon be joined . I doubt you were the first .

My cousin once had the ripped open envelope shoved through the door minus card (there was no money in it, so postie would have been disappointed!)

As for all the questions about someone starting uni before 18, from what I remember Scotland's cut off dates are something like March to February (the friend who explained it all to me in our first year at a Scottish uni when I had questioned that would probably be pleased to know I still remember his explanation!) so I had quite a few friends at the time who had started at 17. I think Northern Ireland might be different again but I am just basing that on a Northern Irish friend having thought my August birthday made me older than her November birthday, when actually she was the older.

As for the original point about cards, I have one uncle who is notorious for being crap with family birthdays although he improved after getting married. One year his wife was out of the country for my cousin's birthday and he ignored it on the basis that cousin was 22. Uncle was 42 and still expected a big fuss of his (his requests for excessive amounts of Christmas/birthday presents led to the nickname Dudley Dursley).

I don't do cards anymore, stamps are so expensive and it's just straight in the bin and wasteful. So I don't think it's unreasonable. Better they ask than just stopping without letting you know

I would prob say as it’s the 18th send it this year but can stop all cards for children after 18/adults other than big birthdays. That’s what we do in our family.

You probably care about this a lot more than the birthday boy/girl. I used to get birthday cards like most of us every year as a child. I don't think I even noticed when they stopped coming.

Your dc started uni before turning 18? That's not unheard of, but it is unusual. We usually make the 18th card the last one, usually with money in it, then don't do Xmas gifts after that either. Easter eggs tend to peter out mid teens. Im.sure each family has their own expectations. The slight complication with these family habits is that most parents have a toe in two contrasting families!

At least they have asked a valid question because it does take effort to send off a birthday card. Does your son say thank you back?

I organised the sending of a birthday card and gift certificate every year to my neice (husband’s side of family), and we have gotten nothing back such as a thank you over the years and no return gesture since we have had our own child. I wish I have never bothered and the 18th card was the very last one I won’t bother again. I’ve deleted the reminder off my phone.

Yabvvu. And we wonder were children get their entitlement from…

Ouch. That's not merely a crap message, but an exceedingly crap message. A nice thought to ask for DC address, and the the gesture immediately ruined by indicating they couldn't really be bothered. If I were in your position I would just give them said address and leave it at that. You shouldn't have to take a decision re THEIR card giving. Your DC is an adult so it's between them not you. Carry on giving whatever you like to their DCs. There's no law that says it has to be reciprocal.