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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

112 replies

PeopleStressMeOut · 10/09/2026 07:18

AIBU to think this is a bit crap, and how would you respond to this message?

I just got a message from a close family member about my DC's upcoming birthday.

They asked for their address (Uni) but then in the next sentence said, "or should I just not bother and scrap birthday cards now?"

On one hand I think yes cards are getting a bit pointless, but on the other I have never once missed one of their DC's birthdays.

If it wasn't my DC's 18th birthday I think I would have said OK don't bother.

AIBU, WWYD about a response?

OP posts:
notthatoldchestnut · 10/09/2026 07:19

I think this is a bit of something and nothing.
if it’s an 18th, then maybe this is a bit of a more special birthday.

why not reply back and say that cards/presents until 18 and then for special birthdays only?

LiteraryBambi · 10/09/2026 07:20

I don't think teenagers are bothered by cards. Just say it's up to them, there's no expectation either way. That's the only polite response.

LarryForPrimeMinister · 10/09/2026 07:20

Just say well it is his 18th, but its up to you.

Gateappreciation · 10/09/2026 07:21

Does she realise it’s her 18 or assume that as she’s at uni, she’s now 19? A lot of people use 18 as their final birthday, and will stop sending cards and presents after that. I don’t the message is so bad as such, apart from that it’s her 18th. (in Scotland?)

UpDownAllAround1 · 10/09/2026 07:22

it’s a flippant comment. Nowt to be hurt about

TeenToTwenties · 10/09/2026 07:22

I think they are asking whether their cards (and presents?) are still appreciated.

So just answer DS really appreciates cards still
And then add if appropriate- but maybe we should make 18 the cut off age for presents so make this year your last for them?

HeddaGarbled · 10/09/2026 07:23

I think it’s a reasonable question.

SallyCinnamon38 · 10/09/2026 07:23

I understand your feelings but at the same time I'm not sure that young people place the same value on cards as millennials and gen x. I think the fact they messaged shows they've remembered, but I don't think it is unreasonable to check whether a young person may not be interested in receiving a birthday card, lots of young people think cards are very old fashioned! Maybe they could send a text/whatsapp?

Latenightreader · 10/09/2026 07:23

I'd say that for their 18th and first birthday away from home (that's an assumption on my part) they would really appreciate a card, but it would be fine to leave it for significant birthdays after that.

UniquePinkSwan · 10/09/2026 07:24

I’d be surprised if he’s bothered. No one I know bothers with them. I haven’t sent a card to anyone for about 15 years at least

Smartiepants79 · 10/09/2026 07:24

If it bothers you and you want them to continue the just message back with the address and say you’re sure DC would love to still receive birthday cards. Are your DC bothered??
This isn’t something I’d be getting upset or stroppy about.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:25

I don’t know anyone who sends cards anymore. YABU.

Moonnstarz · 10/09/2026 07:26

Would DC be bothered?
If so maybe say a card would be appreciated this year as it is a big birthday and their first away from home so they would appreciate the thought.

Also just because I am just nosy, how they are at uni at 17?!

caringcarer · 10/09/2026 07:27

I'd reply that it is DC 18th birthday so a big one and that they really appreciate birthday cards. I'd send the person their uni address.

caringcarer · 10/09/2026 07:28

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:25

I don’t know anyone who sends cards anymore. YABU.

My adult DC love opening cards. I got 16 cards for my recent birthday and loved opening them and I put them up on inglenook mantle in sitting room.

SwanUpmanship · 10/09/2026 07:29

Does your DC send a birthday card to your relative - in their own name, I don't mean being included in one you send?

In your relative's position, unless the DC was sending me cards independently, I would probably make 18 the last.

agri · 10/09/2026 07:29

No, I wouldn’t feel hurt about the message. I think she’s probably onto something - most teenagers wouldn’t care if they received a birthday card.

HelpMeGetThrough · 10/09/2026 07:33

At 18 it wouldn’t have bothered me if I got a card or not. We still give them to family, as they expect them, but it’s a pain in the arse.

Mine mostly end up in a pile or put up for a day and then straight in the recycling. Can’t stand the clutter of cards.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:35

caringcarer · 10/09/2026 07:28

My adult DC love opening cards. I got 16 cards for my recent birthday and loved opening them and I put them up on inglenook mantle in sitting room.

Show quote history

Fair enough if that’s your experience but it’s certainly not mine. Any cards I get sent get glanced at and chucked in the bin.

RhiWrites · 10/09/2026 07:37

Did you miss their birthday? Did they get a card from you? (I doubt they did from your son.) it sounds kind of pointed. Did your son thank this person for previous gifts?

Madamecholetsbonnet · 10/09/2026 07:37

You are over reacting. Cards are pretty much considered a waste of money and resources by most Gen Z.

WitchayWoman · 10/09/2026 07:41

YABU. You're reading far too much into a simple text. Her question was a valid one and she's given you the opportunity to set her straight.

Londonrach1 · 10/09/2026 07:43

That's a reasonable question unless it's for 18 or 21. Yabu. It's a friend asking a normal question.

OutOfTheOtherSide · 10/09/2026 07:44

SwanUpmanship · 10/09/2026 07:29

Does your DC send a birthday card to your relative - in their own name, I don't mean being included in one you send?

In your relative's position, unless the DC was sending me cards independently, I would probably make 18 the last.

This. As soon as I went to uni, I started sending cards to my relatives myself but young people these days don't seem to do the same. I don't even get a text from some of my neices/nephews despite me continuing to send cards and money for their birthdays. They don't send any cards to family or friends. I think cards will disappear in the not too distant future. Cost, laziness and to some extent, the environment will kill the tradition.

Attenboroughsmistress · 10/09/2026 07:47

I’m sure they were just checking in case your DC is unappreciative? Your friend wanting reassurance that the effort is appreciated and not annoying. Rather than something for you to be offended about. Just say “DC loves your cards!”