AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

I wasn't implying that at all.. I meant there are plenty of people who still send cards but you may not know they do that, if you've had no reason to know

I'd say let's scrap it after 18. That's a reasonable rule.

I think feeling hurt is a strange response. We stopped cards and gifts for nieces and nephews after 18 but 18 was the last and we do a slightly bigger gift. So it feels weird to me that they would decide to not bother with a big birthday. I don’t think I would feel hurt though.

Perfectly valid question. Although tbh, I wouldn’t have bothered asking you, I would just stop sending cards, even to a niece/nephew, after an 18th, that would be the cut-off. I can’t imagine a young adult at uni gives 2 hoots about birthday cards from anyone outside immediate family anyway.

I would treat it as her just trying to find out what the expectations are with a nudge towards stopping. I'd probably respond something like - I'm sure he'd appreciate a card for his 18th, but after that maybe it's time to stop.

And then I'd stick to that for her DC too - cards until they're 18 and then no more.

That was said about radio. Video didn't kill the radio star.

Why are some posters saying nobody sends cards? Shops are full of them.

Well.what do you want them to do?

They are literally asking you.

Will the card be empty if they send it? Then yes that is pointless and old fashioned. Text message. Cards are for Gran. My kids would raise their eyebrows to an empty card.
With a present or gift/card money inside then fine.

Does the other persons kid send cards to OP, who sends cards to them?

Very common in Scotland. I was 17 yrs 9 months.

Not at all unusual in Scotland. Students entering S6 will be somewhere in the age range 16.5 yrs to 17.5 yrs. Those who then go on to university are between 17.5 yrs and 18.5 yrs, or actually a little older, since school year starts in August, and Uni term either Sep or Oct. I was 17 and 9 months. There was another student in my course who was only 17 yrs 1 month at the start of term. She had come directly from S5, much less common now.

Ouch. That's not merely a crap message, but an exceedingly crap message. A nice thought to ask for DC address, and the the gesture immediately ruined by indicating they couldn't really be bothered. If I were in your position I would just give them said address and leave it at that. You shouldn't have to take a decision re THEIR card giving. Your DC is an adult so it's between them not you. Carry on giving whatever you like to their DCs. There's no law that says it has to be reciprocal.

Yabvvu. And we wonder were children get their entitlement from…

At least they have asked a valid question because it does take effort to send off a birthday card. Does your son say thank you back?

I organised the sending of a birthday card and gift certificate every year to my neice (husband’s side of family), and we have gotten nothing back such as a thank you over the years and no return gesture since we have had our own child. I wish I have never bothered and the 18th card was the very last one I won’t bother again. I’ve deleted the reminder off my phone.

Your dc started uni before turning 18? That's not unheard of, but it is unusual. We usually make the 18th card the last one, usually with money in it, then don't do Xmas gifts after that either. Easter eggs tend to peter out mid teens. Im.sure each family has their own expectations. The slight complication with these family habits is that most parents have a toe in two contrasting families!

You probably care about this a lot more than the birthday boy/girl. I used to get birthday cards like most of us every year as a child. I don't think I even noticed when they stopped coming.

I would prob say as it’s the 18th send it this year but can stop all cards for children after 18/adults other than big birthdays. That’s what we do in our family.

I don't do cards anymore, stamps are so expensive and it's just straight in the bin and wasteful. So I don't think it's unreasonable. Better they ask than just stopping without letting you know

As for the original point about cards, I have one uncle who is notorious for being crap with family birthdays although he improved after getting married. One year his wife was out of the country for my cousin's birthday and he ignored it on the basis that cousin was 22. Uncle was 42 and still expected a big fuss of his (his requests for excessive amounts of Christmas/birthday presents led to the nickname Dudley Dursley).

My cousin once had the ripped open envelope shoved through the door minus card (there was no money in it, so postie would have been disappointed!)

As for all the questions about someone starting uni before 18, from what I remember Scotland's cut off dates are something like March to February (the friend who explained it all to me in our first year at a Scottish uni when I had questioned that would probably be pleased to know I still remember his explanation!) so I had quite a few friends at the time who had started at 17. I think Northern Ireland might be different again but I am just basing that on a Northern Irish friend having thought my August birthday made me older than her November birthday, when actually she was the older.

If it’s any consolation they would have been caught eventually because if enough people living in the same area complained about missing money in cards the dots would soon be joined . I doubt you were the first .

I agree, I think personal messages and cards are lovely and always appreciated. I message my uni daughter all the time but every so often I'll send her what I call a "proper chatty" letter or I'll make up a small parcel and include a nice card with some personal messages. I know DD really appreciates these and likes having something that she can keep.

I can't imagine she would be that bothered about getting a card from distant relatives that probably won't say more than "from x and y" (and she may struggle to remember who x and y are). That doesn't achieve any more than sending a text/Whatsapp message would do.

The envelopes of the two cards she did receive had been very neatly slit along the bottom rather than opened at the top which sadly suggests it was actually the post man end of the process. If it had been pre-sorting office they would have been stickered "Sorry your item has been damaged". I had visions of the postman/woman sitting in their van up a back alley somewhere, with a craft knife, slitting any likely looking envelopes.
I did eventually get my Mum to stop doing it but not until £100 of 21st birthday money was taken from the last one.

Yeah that's crap. 18 is the single most important birthday because you're officially / legally an adult. Bit of a weird message - maybe ask if they realise it's their 18th? "Did you forget it's their 18th? Are you only planning to send a card for that milestone"?

Keep it light and innocent. Make them feel a bit silly.