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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel hurt by this message about my DC's birthday?

112 replies

PeopleStressMeOut · 10/09/2026 07:18

AIBU to think this is a bit crap, and how would you respond to this message?

I just got a message from a close family member about my DC's upcoming birthday.

They asked for their address (Uni) but then in the next sentence said, "or should I just not bother and scrap birthday cards now?"

On one hand I think yes cards are getting a bit pointless, but on the other I have never once missed one of their DC's birthdays.

If it wasn't my DC's 18th birthday I think I would have said OK don't bother.

AIBU, WWYD about a response?

OP posts:
Totaldramallama · 10/09/2026 07:49

They have asked an entirely reasonable question. It isn't about whether you appreciate a card, it's not for you and you likely won't even see the card if they are at uni

Thebinisrightthere · 10/09/2026 07:50

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 07:25

I don’t know anyone who sends cards anymore. YABU.

You probably know plenty

Raptors · 10/09/2026 07:50

I don't think it's an odd question at all. Most young adults no longer send physical cards and to be honest I I doubt your child will miss not having one sent by their relative.

Just tell them that a message to wish them a happy birthday would suffice.

SomethingNewish · 10/09/2026 07:51

The person took the trouble to actually get in touch about the address. So it's not as if they were forgetting about the birthday or just ignoring it. Given how a lot of people, especially younger ones, don't bother with physical cards these days I think it was a perfectly valid question and you are being a bit precious by taking offence at it OP.

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

HelpMeGetThrough · 10/09/2026 07:59

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

If their birthday is later in the academic year it’s possible. A couple of friends of my youngest started just before they were 18.

RoachFish · 10/09/2026 07:59

It's not crap at all, it's sensible. Surely, a text is fine when it's for a young adult. My kids are a few years older than yours and none of them send cards. Neither do I who is approaching 50.

SueFlay12 · 10/09/2026 08:04

I'd say "text happy birthday and send cash" 😀

Dandeloosha · 10/09/2026 08:06

Most people send a text or a message these days. I can’t remember the last time I bought and posted a card. They seem a bit lame - costly and not very environmentally friendly.

Lifestooshort71 · 10/09/2026 08:06

Is this the first child in the close family to reach 18? I can't understand why you're hurt, sounds a sensible request to me. I'd text back and say yes to an 18th but happy to stop after that. It draws a line for all children.

Dandeloosha · 10/09/2026 08:07

SueFlay12 · 10/09/2026 08:04

I'd say "text happy birthday and send cash" 😀

Text happy birthday. If they want to send money give their bank details. Even my 83 year old mother sends money via bank transfer these day.

saraclara · 10/09/2026 08:10

I think you've misread their tone.

A lot of young people simply don't bother with cards, and it seems that the relative has recognised that. So they're just asking whether or not to continue the gesture.

Simply say 'oh DC still likes getting a card, so I'm sure he'll appreciate yours'

reluctantbrit · 10/09/2026 08:14

DD loved her cards for the 18th birthday as it felt special but otherwise nobody does them in our family anymore. We send a Whatsapp message with a photo or call.
Cards are a waste of money and paper in my opinion.

The only one I sent is to my mum, she is 88 and it's a different circumstance.

AmyDudley · 10/09/2026 08:17

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

You can got to uni at 17 in Scotland, it's quite normal.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 08:27

Thebinisrightthere · 10/09/2026 07:50

You probably know plenty

Show quote history

The implication being they just don’t send me one?

No, we don’t do cards as we consider them to be a massive waste of money and resources. I’d rather just have a five minute phone call or even a text.

TheBlueKoala · 10/09/2026 08:30

@PeopleStressMeOut Perfectly normal question as most people (young) just bin the cards and it's landwaste. An sms is enough to show that they have thought of them.

Savvysix1984 · 10/09/2026 08:35

I think it’s a reasonable question. All the young people I know (and even me who is not that young) don’t care about cards. They go straight in the recycling after a day. For my teen nieces and nephews I just transfer money into their bank account and text them a birthday greeting.

Yytrtt · 10/09/2026 08:37

YABU

Its a completely valid question.

What was your answer?

Yytrtt · 10/09/2026 08:38

And I’ve learnt something as I assumed you had to be over 18 to go to uni.

LorenaWood · 10/09/2026 08:39

I sent this exact message to my brother! He replied 'up to you'

standard response 😂

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 10/09/2026 08:40

Yytrtt · 10/09/2026 08:38

And I’ve learnt something as I assumed you had to be over 18 to go to uni.

There’s actually no legal minimum age. Some courses like medicine may require you to be 18 before you do placements etc. though.

Notsosweetcaroline · 10/09/2026 08:43

Are you a very sensitive person? I can’t imagine getting upset about this, the important thing is the birthday is acknowledged and remembered, so a text or call will suffice,

luckylavender · 10/09/2026 08:44

How come your son is already at Uni? At 18?

Notsosweetcaroline · 10/09/2026 08:44

BEAchDays2 · 10/09/2026 07:52

How is a 17 year old at uni?

I was 17, they don’t make you wait till you’re 18 if you’re birthday means you’re one of the younger ones.

Whisperwaves · 10/09/2026 08:47

I always send cards to close family members. I'd send a special one for an 18th.

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