Aibu feeling uneasy about men taking little girls to the toilet in the womens toilet?

The child goes with the father. That’s it. He is the adult male, and the risk. He can protect her in the mens. Cover her eyes past the urinals. If she’s old enough for that to be an issue, she’s old enough for the ladies without him. As long as other men don’t make excuses to get in there.

I would’ve been furious if id allowed my young DD to go in the ladies and discovered grown men in there.

Again it’s not safeguarding . A parent would be with her at all times in the male bathroom so that’s the safeguarding .

It’s safeguarding to keep a big adult male out of the women’s toilets . There are teenage girls in there etc . just because a man is a parent doesn’t automatically make him welcome in a women’s toilet.

Sigh.

And of course that's lovely for you, that it doesn't personally inconvenience you.

What about the pps who have said they cannot use mixed sex spaces. For reasons they absolutely should not have to defend or go into because single sex spaces for women recognise that these reasons exist and protect these spaces in law.

This really comes down to: are you someone who is able to be a functional part of society and to follow practice and policy to ensure that everyone has access and everyone's needs are met without distress or conflict - or are you a selfish arse who believes that your right to do what you want trumps everyone else, and sod what happens to anyone else, you're personally not affected?

I'm on the fence with this. I think there are valid concerns on both sides.

If a man takes his daughter into the ladies', a different young girl in there may feel uncomfortable having to pee with a male stranger on the other side of a cubicle wall. But that's the same situation for a girl in the men's. So I'm not sure how we square the circle, unless we're just saying the men-in-ladies' situation could cause that same discomfort for multiple girls, so it's just a case of reducing the number of people affected.

The other thing I'm thinking about is the male cleaner situation - we accept that as a legitimate aim. If we're not accepting the female child's desire to not pee next to strange men as a legitimate aim, I'm not sure whether we can then argue the importance of single sex spaces at all?

In terms of my personal feelings on it, I don't think I would have an issue with a dad taking his daughter into the cubicle itself and locking the door behind him. But I think I would feel differently about it if his daughter was in the cubicle by herself and he was waiting outside the door/in the sink area.

Rude. I'm not a busy body and I DO have an issue.

ifs a women's toilet. I don't want my DD scared to use the loos on her own because some man is in there, and some "pick me" has said it's ok

I’m of the opinion that a parent should take small children into the toilet of their own sex.
Dad with daughters - Men’s
Mum with sons - Women’s

Ideally, a disabled/baby changing cubicle if one is available.

Another one to say DH has taken both girls into men’s until they can go solo to ladies’. He wouldn’t dream of going into a women’s bathroom. Never had any issues doing it this way.

Op, his lack of empathy will only get worse over the years and it will get directed at you till it consumes you.

It’s a difficult situation. I’d say use disabled toilets but they can be locked. If they are very little, then yes dad needs to go in with them. If there are no urinals, men’s toilets are fine. If there are, then I’d use the ladies

And what about the pp who has explained if a man walks in, then she has to leave because she cannot use mixed sex spaces?

Women with trauma
Women who have survived VAWG
Women with disabilities
Women of minority faiths and cultures

Women's access should not be conditional upon a man deciding in this moment his personal choice matters more than those women's access to a facility do. Take the child into the men's, take the child into the disabled facilities, in a year or so as the guidance really gets going take the child into the gender neutral facilities particularly provided for those who are finding using their sex based provision difficult and would like another choice. Just don't exclude women from the women's space.

This is the same conversation in essence about 'I don't care if I leave a wheelchair user in the rain at the bus stop late for work, because my baby is asleep in my buggy and I'm not going to fold it'.

Well this will probably make you highly indignant but I have once stood guard so that DH could use the ladies toilet.

We were out for a walk one day and he was desperate for a wee so we followed signs for the public toilets in a park. I used the ladies and when I came out DH was outside looking uncomfortable as the gents was apparently locked. I double checked that there was nobody in the ladies then I stood guard at the door while he used them, ready to explain to anyone who came along. Nobody did, it was a quiet day.

I honestly don't see what else he could do. There were no pubs or cafes around and the situation could hardly have been improved by him going behind a bush.

Have you ever been to France?

They're much less prissy about this stuff. Currently on a campsite where folks walking past the gents see the guys standing at urinals.

Quite common in bars too.

You're right, but at the same time, all of those things could apply to a little girl out with her dad.

I don't think it's the same as the buggy example, because the dads we're talking about are, in their own way, trying to consider the dignity and comfort of a girl... their own daughter.

My research is on toilet design and how it affects safety. Mostly my research is in the U.K. but the same safety concerns are world wide. For example, unisex toilets have been a massive risk factor for girls and women across the world. Amnesty and Plan International discussed this. The latter have schemes to build girls toilets so that it’s not a barrier for girls getting an education. An academic study from India found schoolgirls would rather go out in the open than use toilets that both sexes had access to, because of sexual assault concerns. India has now passed laws to make school toilets single sex.

However, others have looked at changing rooms in leisure centres such as the Women’s Right Network. In 2025, they published a report that outlined police data on sexual violence in leisure centres. Figures reveal that in one year (2023) there were 16 rapes, 80 sexual assaults and 65 acts of voyeurism across 257 leisure centres in England and Wales.

What the WRN (changing rooms) and I ( non-domestic toilets) conclude is that single sex environments are safer. However, a valid and common sense exception is that children need to be in the room that is the sex of their carer. It then follows that we have single sex designs which keep the child safer. It keeps all of us safer at our most vulnerable.

If we had a rule that men could be in women’s toilets with a child, the toilets are mixed sex. The toilet building regulations don’t allow this, unless it’s a universal design (private, from floor to ceiling).

Who does this affect most if we abolish single sex design? Children and women (assaults), anyone having a medical emergency (rescue window times). So it affects people having hypos, strokes, heart attacks, cardiac arrests (11% are on the toilet), drug overdoses, self harm, head injuries. After all, toilets are where people, including children, go when they feel ill. It also affects the hygiene within the toilet room. Microbiologists warn against more unisex toilets in hospitals as the pathogen load is higher. Men’s toilets are worse than women’s toilets, but unisex are the worst because of design.

The design on the left is only permitted in single sex environments. There are obvious exceptions for cleaners and children. If you start letting other men into women’s toilets, the design of the toilet has to change.

Yes, a man can decide to use a woman's toilet when he's taking his young daughter who needs his assistance. No law prohibits this.

This scenario isn't like the river crossing logic challenge. There's isn't an absolute correct choice in what you choose to do in this situation.

Many people that are opposed to this are mistaking their personal opinions and preferences for absolute truths.

The actual problem is due to poor infrastructure, more family toilets should be available.

I can't help but fear that arguments such as this are a distraction from greater issues that negatively impact women and their rights.

Because men’s toilets are vile and despite people saying on here you don’t see anything when men use a urinal, you do….

I used to work at a centre that had public toilets and even when I used to walk in to check on them when they were empty, the amount of blokes who would walk past the sign announcing there was female staff in there opening the fastening on their trousers whilst walking through the door before they had even reached a urinal/cubicle was pretty high.
Ive never had another woman ask me why my 6 year old son is using the ladies with me so I assume no one but you thinks I should be taking them into the men’s toilets as an adult female.

cool. but if kids don’t understand nuance how you gonna explain to her it’s wrong for men to be in my toilet. but i can go in their toilet with daddy or grandad or uncle steve? that creates nuance doesn’t it? particularly when it’s far more likely daddy or grandad or uncle steve is who she needs to worry about. So it doesn’t make sense to say all men in the women’s bathroom are wrong. maybe not leaving your kid alone in a public toilet until she’s old enough to understand about feeling unsafe is a better option than just blanket ‘men are bad in bathrooms’ (but fine in a police uniform apparently)’.

Ok I'm trying to think what my dad when I very very young to use the toilet. I know by the time I was 5 I went in the ladies alone with dad waiting outside but can't remember before that.

You are wrong. A man with a child should not be going into women’s toilets. Family toilets (??!) are not safer.

I didn’t say anything about speaking for anyone else. This is AIBU and the OP asked for opinions on men in womens toilets and that is my opinion. You are entitled to care about whatever you see fit. Personally I care far more about perfectly able bodied men feeling they should take their small daughters in to the ONE accessible toilet that is usually on offer for all the disabled people and those with access needs, than a man standing in an area where girls and women are gasp washing their hands because some women think all men are the boogey man. But you are free to think whatever you like.
Also, I wouldn’t care if a man was in a women’s changing room either as long as again it had cubicles that were lockable. communal changing rooms are just not for me regardless of if you are male, female, nonbinary or a space alien, i don’t want to be semi/fully naked in front of any strangers.

Little girs shouldn't be exposed to male genetalia. If mens toilets were all cubicles I would understand your point. But there are literal adult dicks on display at the urinals. I would never mind if a dad was taking his little girl into the female toilets. Because there are cubicles and we use them with the doors closed

What law prohibits a man taking his daughter into a woman's toilet? What's the risk in using an individual toilet that's designated for the use of families? I can see you are coming from a safety perspective, which I can understand, but there are other considerations such as what the child's preference would be.

The "law of decency" should stop a man going in to a women's single sex space. A decent man would not do this.

there is no specific u.k. law that prevents a man from helping his daughter in a women’s toilet is I think the point the previous poster is making. You may dislike it and disapprove, but that isn’t law.

See that's where we differ in our outlook. I think a decent father would want to take his daughter to the toilet that best suits her needs and preferences. If that's a women's toilet then I take my proverbial hat off to him.