This isn't a bashing, rather a genuine observation and we're privileged in the UK to have support with benefits and disabilities.
Having adopted 2 siblings with special needs over a decade ago it opened me up to a whole new world to me. With DC in specialist schools and needing a lot of intervention from agencies and medical support I've met so many parents and children. As a teacher this was so insightful and, while having always been extra devoted to students who had difficulties, my own experience as a parent took it to another level.
Teaching, I was always aware and sympathetic to those who barely made it to lesson, almost fell asleep but professionally had to adhere to the 'not participating' and when told to 'fuck off' it was call out. I knew there would be further investigation as to why they act like this by more able and senior colleagues. Didn't take it personally but, as you can imagine, it's difficult when you have several students like this while under the pressure of teaching a tricky maths part of the syllabus.
So as a parent of ND DC I experienced it from the other side. It was very difficult because our DC were causing disruptions due to their severe diagnosis.
Throughout our journey and specialist schools I saw a lot of reality. This comes (finally) back to my point. Year after year it became blatantly obvious that the vast majority of children have parents with their own issues, whether hereditary or learnt behaviour.
I got a job at the primary school as a liason officer so met most parents. All lovely and care about their DC but sadly struggled with managing themselves, their homes etc. Those few who weren't eligible for taxis and escorts (walkable distance) relied heavily on GPs to take and pick up from school. There were some parents who did drive and drop off, like me, but it was about 5%.
So mostly the parents were on UC, claimed PIp for anxiety and MH, got DLA for all DC and also carers' allowance for looking after DC. While i visited it was clear they were were reclusive, their days were spent watching TV, gaming, DC picked up in a taxi and they had struggled to get out of bed, knew they are provided breakfast at school, went back to bed. Yes I've seen this on an early morning visit multiple times.
I understand but also a part of me felt frustrated that they had fallen into a rut, able bodied, could have long conversations, but have had so much support that has enabled this.
As a school we reached out to parents to come and integrate, provided workshops, held informal educational classes how we can help our DC. As a parent and before being employed there I attended these and it so nice to meet other parents. The reality... they just sat there, being served coffee by an already busy TA, talked all the way through the presentations then left, after already leaving several times for a smoke during an hour and half get together. Still as an attending parent at this point I could see TA was struggling so stepped in to help serve the refreshments, set up equipment and clear up afterwards. One Mum asked me to open a window, another asked to give her some biscuits...I was the same as them, a parent, but they were just totally oblivious to the situation.
Then walking out, having cleaned up and they were chatting outside, all I heard was that was so boring, I know how to bring up my kids, waste of time coming out, so what you doing now, probably Netflix.
Then getting the role and seeing deeper into their lifestyles it confirmed that actually so many of these parents had come from a generational cycle with low aspirations and no encouragement within modern education, social workers or support from us all could change their mindsets of behaviour. Sadly it really is a case of we get money, DC have their consoles, school provides meals and exercise, bags of amazing stuff at Christmas and end of year which we don't even say thank you for, we can complain online if we don't like something etc.
This is just the basic circumstances, delve deeper and you would be shocked at how some of these poor kids live. A whole different thread would have to be made about drug dealing, violence, not allowing DC in the house so they have to become one of the balaclava gangs and so much more.
As parents, even if we have our own issues, we all need to put our DC first, not rely on others to do it for us.