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Whole families on UC, PIP, DLA and carers' allowance for each other?

1000 replies

Hutinthemiddleofnowhere · 05/09/2026 23:03

This isn't a bashing, rather a genuine observation and we're privileged in the UK to have support with benefits and disabilities.

Having adopted 2 siblings with special needs over a decade ago it opened me up to a whole new world to me. With DC in specialist schools and needing a lot of intervention from agencies and medical support I've met so many parents and children. As a teacher this was so insightful and, while having always been extra devoted to students who had difficulties, my own experience as a parent took it to another level.

Teaching, I was always aware and sympathetic to those who barely made it to lesson, almost fell asleep but professionally had to adhere to the 'not participating' and when told to 'fuck off' it was call out. I knew there would be further investigation as to why they act like this by more able and senior colleagues. Didn't take it personally but, as you can imagine, it's difficult when you have several students like this while under the pressure of teaching a tricky maths part of the syllabus.

So as a parent of ND DC I experienced it from the other side. It was very difficult because our DC were causing disruptions due to their severe diagnosis.

Throughout our journey and specialist schools I saw a lot of reality. This comes (finally) back to my point. Year after year it became blatantly obvious that the vast majority of children have parents with their own issues, whether hereditary or learnt behaviour.

I got a job at the primary school as a liason officer so met most parents. All lovely and care about their DC but sadly struggled with managing themselves, their homes etc. Those few who weren't eligible for taxis and escorts (walkable distance) relied heavily on GPs to take and pick up from school. There were some parents who did drive and drop off, like me, but it was about 5%.

So mostly the parents were on UC, claimed PIp for anxiety and MH, got DLA for all DC and also carers' allowance for looking after DC. While i visited it was clear they were were reclusive, their days were spent watching TV, gaming, DC picked up in a taxi and they had struggled to get out of bed, knew they are provided breakfast at school, went back to bed. Yes I've seen this on an early morning visit multiple times.

I understand but also a part of me felt frustrated that they had fallen into a rut, able bodied, could have long conversations, but have had so much support that has enabled this.

As a school we reached out to parents to come and integrate, provided workshops, held informal educational classes how we can help our DC. As a parent and before being employed there I attended these and it so nice to meet other parents. The reality... they just sat there, being served coffee by an already busy TA, talked all the way through the presentations then left, after already leaving several times for a smoke during an hour and half get together. Still as an attending parent at this point I could see TA was struggling so stepped in to help serve the refreshments, set up equipment and clear up afterwards. One Mum asked me to open a window, another asked to give her some biscuits...I was the same as them, a parent, but they were just totally oblivious to the situation.

Then walking out, having cleaned up and they were chatting outside, all I heard was that was so boring, I know how to bring up my kids, waste of time coming out, so what you doing now, probably Netflix.

Then getting the role and seeing deeper into their lifestyles it confirmed that actually so many of these parents had come from a generational cycle with low aspirations and no encouragement within modern education, social workers or support from us all could change their mindsets of behaviour. Sadly it really is a case of we get money, DC have their consoles, school provides meals and exercise, bags of amazing stuff at Christmas and end of year which we don't even say thank you for, we can complain online if we don't like something etc.

This is just the basic circumstances, delve deeper and you would be shocked at how some of these poor kids live. A whole different thread would have to be made about drug dealing, violence, not allowing DC in the house so they have to become one of the balaclava gangs and so much more.

As parents, even if we have our own issues, we all need to put our DC first, not rely on others to do it for us.

OP posts:
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roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 17:13

It only makes zero sense to someone who doesn’t understand PIP and the scope of how some MH conditions can present. Thankfully, what you think is irrelevant to whether someone is eligible or not.

I haven’t lectured anyone. I replied saying there are other MH conditions because your reply to me at 16:34 focused solely on depression when my posts mentioned mental health conditions rather than specifically depression.

I haven’t said no-one with MH conditions can work, but just because some can doesn’t mean all can and some in work will still be receiving benefits.

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 17:15

@roaringdragon so educate me? What mental health conditions mean you need prompting to get washed and dressed, but you can still work?

OonaStubbs · 12/09/2026 17:19

We need to rethink benefits in this country because they are seriously ruining people's lives. Telling people they don't need to work due to anxiety is just cruel, especially when there's a decent chance at some point they will be told that they will have to work after all, and that's after years of social isolation.

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 17:20

It isn’t about the condition, it is the functional impairment. So, yes, some with depression may need prompting to complete ADL but can work. That won’t apply to all, but some. It can also apply to some (not all!) with conditions such as OCD, eating disorders, bipolar, schizophrenia, cPTSD. Just some examples.

DeflectionAndWhataboutery · 12/09/2026 17:20

FayeMumsnet · 12/09/2026 11:22

Hi all.

We just wanted to let you know that nobody is paid to post on Mumsnet. Some companies pay to advertise on the site, of course, but we don't pay people to post.

Sorry for any disappointment.

Best wishes,
Faye
MNHQ.

Sorry for any disappointment.

Why is every message from MNHQ so passive aggressive?

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 17:23

@roaringdragon thanks for the useless answer. I had talked about features of some of those mental health issues like psychosis.
If your OCD is bad enough to get pip, you are unlikely to be able to work.

As I said you obviously know how to get pip better than me. But I still maintain if you are able to hold down a job, your functional impairment is not severe enough to need pip.

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 17:25

DeflectionAndWhataboutery · 12/09/2026 17:20

Sorry for any disappointment.

Why is every message from MNHQ so passive aggressive?

It's the middle class way. Rather than be straight forward and adult about communication, you make digs at people.

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 17:30

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 17:23

@roaringdragon thanks for the useless answer. I had talked about features of some of those mental health issues like psychosis.
If your OCD is bad enough to get pip, you are unlikely to be able to work.

As I said you obviously know how to get pip better than me. But I still maintain if you are able to hold down a job, your functional impairment is not severe enough to need pip.

It is not a useless answer. You asked what medical conditions mean you need prompting to get washed and dressed, but you can still work. I answered that by telling you what conditions I have successfully supported people to apply with when they can still work. Just because you disagree with it doesn’t mean it is useless. I directly answered the question asked.

Unlikely doesn’t mean never though. Some can. Not all, which is what I said. To give an example of someone with OCD who I have supported to apply. They scored 4 points for needing assistance to prepare a simple meal. That is because of their rituals around food. They scored 2 points for being prompted to dress. They could physically dress but it took them a long time because they have rituals and compulsions involving clothing. They needed encouraging (falls under the definition of prompting) to move on to the next item of clothing. They scored 2 points for being prompted to wash. Again because of rituals and the length of time it took them. They also scored 2 points for mixing with others due to their difficulties. This was all supported by evidence from HCPs. Yet they managed, just about, to hold down a job. Albeit one that was flexible and allowed them reasonable adjustments. Not full time but more than a few hours a week.

You didn’t talk about anything other than depression in the post where my response said there were other MH conditions, which is why I said that in response to that post.

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 17:35

@roaringdragon I don't believe that someone with complex rituals because of OCD who rightly qualifies for pip, could hold down a job. OCD does not disappear when at work.
I believe you managed to get them pip though even though they work. I just don't think it is right though.
And yet again, I did not talk only about depression.

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 17:39

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 17:35

@roaringdragon I don't believe that someone with complex rituals because of OCD who rightly qualifies for pip, could hold down a job. OCD does not disappear when at work.
I believe you managed to get them pip though even though they work. I just don't think it is right though.
And yet again, I did not talk only about depression.

Edited

Believe it, don’t believe it. It is irrelevant what you think is right or not, Just because you are ignorant enough to not understand doesn’t mean you are right. You aren’t. I didn’t say their OCD disappeared when at work. In fact, you can infer otherwise since I said they were just about able to hold down a job, had flexibility and reasonable adjustments and weren’t working full-time. The claim was supported by NHS HCPs.

In your post at 16:34 you only mentioned depression. That is the post I replied to stating other conditions existed.

DiscoRice · 12/09/2026 17:40

OonaStubbs · 12/09/2026 17:19

We need to rethink benefits in this country because they are seriously ruining people's lives. Telling people they don't need to work due to anxiety is just cruel, especially when there's a decent chance at some point they will be told that they will have to work after all, and that's after years of social isolation.

This thread is about PIP, which you can claim and work.
You can also claim ESA/UC and work.

No one gets told they don't "need" to work.

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 17:59

Just curious, how does PIP fund prompting to get dressed for work in the morning? What exactly are you suggesting people are paying for in this regard?

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 18:02

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 17:59

Just curious, how does PIP fund prompting to get dressed for work in the morning? What exactly are you suggesting people are paying for in this regard?

What do you mean by “how does PIP fund prompting to get dressed for work in the morning?”

PIP doesn’t have to fund the activities looked at during the PIP assessment. That isn’t how it works.

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:03

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 18:02

What do you mean by “how does PIP fund prompting to get dressed for work in the morning?”

PIP doesn’t have to fund the activities looked at during the PIP assessment. That isn’t how it works.

But you said they need it, and its relevant to their claim. So who is providing the prompting? And if its not being paid for by the PIP, why should it be considered in the application?

DiscoRice · 12/09/2026 18:04

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:03

But you said they need it, and its relevant to their claim. So who is providing the prompting? And if its not being paid for by the PIP, why should it be considered in the application?

PIP is not awarded based on costs.

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 18:12

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:03

But you said they need it, and its relevant to their claim. So who is providing the prompting? And if its not being paid for by the PIP, why should it be considered in the application?

The PIP assessment is based on functional impairment across 10 daily living activities and 2 mobility activities. That is why the activity is considered.

The PIP assessment isn’t based on costs (whether related to the assessed activities or not).

It may be a family member providing the prompting, it may be a paid for carer, it may be a friend... It may be nobody because the person doesn’t have to be receiving the support, only need it in terms of the PIP criteria.

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:14

DiscoRice · 12/09/2026 18:04

PIP is not awarded based on costs.

Yes, so why is it relevant? PIP doesnt help with prompting, it isnt something that can be paid for, so how is it relevant?

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:16

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 18:12

The PIP assessment is based on functional impairment across 10 daily living activities and 2 mobility activities. That is why the activity is considered.

The PIP assessment isn’t based on costs (whether related to the assessed activities or not).

It may be a family member providing the prompting, it may be a paid for carer, it may be a friend... It may be nobody because the person doesn’t have to be receiving the support, only need it in terms of the PIP criteria.

So in other words, its not remotely relevant. Its a load of nonsense that money is awarded for things that money cant help with.

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 18:24

Of course it is relevant. It is part of the criteria for PIP.

Although PIP does not have to be spent on the activities assessed, money can help with prompting. Someone may pay for someone to prompt them. Or they may pay for therapy in the hope of getting to the point where they don’t need prompting. Or they may use it towards other costs so that another family member being present to prompt them when needed. They may use the money to free up time elsewhere so that it doesn’t matter that it e.g. takes them an hour to dress without prompting. They may use it to try different technology so that they need an aid rather than prompting from another person.

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:28

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 18:24

Of course it is relevant. It is part of the criteria for PIP.

Although PIP does not have to be spent on the activities assessed, money can help with prompting. Someone may pay for someone to prompt them. Or they may pay for therapy in the hope of getting to the point where they don’t need prompting. Or they may use it towards other costs so that another family member being present to prompt them when needed. They may use the money to free up time elsewhere so that it doesn’t matter that it e.g. takes them an hour to dress without prompting. They may use it to try different technology so that they need an aid rather than prompting from another person.

It might currently be part of the criteria, that doesn't mean it is actually relevant and will almost certainly be up for question in the near future.
Sorry but we cant afford to pay people to be reminded to get dressed, when they arent even spending money on that. Ridiculous.

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 18:30

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:28

It might currently be part of the criteria, that doesn't mean it is actually relevant and will almost certainly be up for question in the near future.
Sorry but we cant afford to pay people to be reminded to get dressed, when they arent even spending money on that. Ridiculous.

If it part of the criteria, it is inherently relevant.

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 19:55

DiscoRice · 12/09/2026 17:40

This thread is about PIP, which you can claim and work.
You can also claim ESA/UC and work.

No one gets told they don't "need" to work.

Edited

Only one sixth of people who claim PIP work. So the vast majority dont

DiscoRice · 12/09/2026 19:57

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 19:55

Only one sixth of people who claim PIP work. So the vast majority dont

That is irrelevant. It is not designed as an out of work benefit.
Claiming PIP does not switch off work search requirements if you are on UC.

OneLilacHedgehog · 12/09/2026 19:59

FirmSnake · 12/09/2026 18:16

So in other words, its not remotely relevant. Its a load of nonsense that money is awarded for things that money cant help with.

Exactly. If people in manage without the care, why should they get the money?
Prompting is sometimes relevant e.g. with very severe mental health problems where someone needs lots of encouragement and support. Similarly with dementia or cognitive issues someone may be able to physically get dressed, but need told what to do next.

roaringdragon · 12/09/2026 20:23

I suppose it hinges on what you mean by manage, and the same could be said about those with physical conditions.

To give 3 examples:
Someone with a physical condition might score points for needing assistance to prepare a simple meal, but they could ‘manage’ by eating food that doesn’t need preparing. Does that mean they shouldn’t score for preparing a meal?

Someone with a physical condition might score points for needing an aid to get in/out of the bath/shower, but they could ‘manage’ without the care by it taking much longer to do. Does that mean they shouldn’t score for the washing activity?

A woman with a physical condition might score points for needing an aid (a front fastening bra or a pull on sports bra) to put on bra, but they manage by not wearing a bra. Does that mean they shouldn’t score for dressing?

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