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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to really dislike DH after our holiday?

286 replies

HelpMEunderstand0 · 31/08/2026 23:44

I don’t know if I’m over reacting but I actually feel like I really really dislike DH and am questioning the relationship altogether based on a terrible holiday

DD13 ASD and DS15 ADHD

I have ADHD - suspect DH may be ASD but he refuses any testing as says he’s got to 45 just fine

A few incidents have happened and I’m really upset

Firstly we have not been getting on for a long time now and this was meant to be a bit of a deciding holiday as I’m struggling to connect with him at all in recent years mainly with the lack of understanding around the children’s needs or practical help with any of it

So far he has

  1. Made DD cry in a shop because DS kept putting a box of Maltesers in the basket that he said were too expensive and ended up tossing them on the side of the self checkout - they then fell on the floor and a shopkeeper asked if he was buying them and he replied “ Obviously not or they would be in my basket wouldn’t they ? “ and left the shop
DD very embarrassed and apologised to the worker
  1. A little boy of 8 years old is on the resort and is very good at pool and has beat both my kids in good spirits each time he’s played them. DH said “ Let’s see how good he is then “ and proceeded to floor him, hitting the balls in really hard and a little aggressively. I was mortified that a 45 year old would take joy in beating a small 8 year old and my son then got annoyed with DH and tried to knock the cue out of his hand on the last shot which made DH shout “ if you did that to someone in a real pool match they would punch you in the face “

Lastly, me and DD went to look in a shop at the airport and DH and DS were meant to wait outside

When we came out they were gone so we made our way to the gate thinking they would be there - they weren’t so I called him and he was furious that he had waited outside and we had gone anyway

Turns out he was nearby but not outside so we just missed him by accident but when we got back FD was upset as DH had said “ Well if they’re late it’s their own fault and they’ll have to deal with being stuck in Italy won’t they? “

DS panicked and told us when we met back up with them and DD then got upset as DH had her passport so in her mind we would have actually been stuck

My emotions are really high and I need some outside advice please

OP posts:
PolkaDotPorridge · 01/09/2026 22:34

I don’t like your husband and I only have to read about him. He’s a cunt and a terrible father and husband. You all deserve better!

Starlight7080 · 01/09/2026 22:45

Why did you include the stuff about him possible having asd or adhd . Thats not important. He is a bully. Does he bully adults at his job? Any friends he has? Family other then you and your children?
If not then he can obviously control his temper when he wants too.
This has nothing to do with adhd or asd . And even if he did get tested it would not make his behaviour OK. Or acceptable.

MichelleRodriguez · 02/09/2026 00:02

OP, as you can see some people agree and some people disagree. I think your husband is a mean bully. Others may think it’s humor. What I’m trying to say is, it matters what you think. How did it make YOU feel. You’re the one that has to live with him. I’m in the same situation my husband is an a33hole and I’m also trying to build the confidence to leave. People say leave, few say stay, but what does the thought of staying FEEL like to you. What do you feel if this is the man you spend the next 30 years with. Grow old with. I can tell you’re not in love with him the way you’ve spoken about him (and rightly so, love dies after time with abuse) messege me if you want to chat and help each other. Xxx

Absolutelynot2 · 02/09/2026 00:08

MichelleRodriguez · 02/09/2026 00:02

OP, as you can see some people agree and some people disagree. I think your husband is a mean bully. Others may think it’s humor. What I’m trying to say is, it matters what you think. How did it make YOU feel. You’re the one that has to live with him. I’m in the same situation my husband is an a33hole and I’m also trying to build the confidence to leave. People say leave, few say stay, but what does the thought of staying FEEL like to you. What do you feel if this is the man you spend the next 30 years with. Grow old with. I can tell you’re not in love with him the way you’ve spoken about him (and rightly so, love dies after time with abuse) messege me if you want to chat and help each other. Xxx

No, it matters how her children feel. It's her job to protect them from growing up under the thumb of a bullying abuser and all the harm that is already causing.

So she should do her job, one way or the other.

MichelleRodriguez · 02/09/2026 00:25

Absolutelynot2 · 02/09/2026 00:08

No, it matters how her children feel. It's her job to protect them from growing up under the thumb of a bullying abuser and all the harm that is already causing.

So she should do her job, one way or the other.

Show quote history

Yes I agree. Her kids are going to grow up thinking this is normal and think this is the standard of a man they deserve. OP don’t you want someone who is always happy around your kids, laughing, joking, they may love him because he’s in that role and they don’t know any different. We as adults know better. Kids don’t.

pikkumyy77 · 02/09/2026 03:44

Coldwetlettuce · 01/09/2026 19:39

Was the 8-year-old boy walking round the resort/bar/pool area bragging about how good he is at pool, that he can beat anyone, adults included etc? If so then I don’t blame your husband for taking him down a peg or two (although I agree there was no need for him to play aggressively and not say well done/good game) but there’s nothing worse than an arrogant kid, your DH probably taught him a good life lesson

What on earth?

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 02/09/2026 09:20

pikkumyy77 · 02/09/2026 03:44

What on earth?

Show quote history

Yes, this is a truly pathetic human.

And in this attitude, we also see exactly how patriarchy crushes little boys, turning them into emotionally stunted obedient robots that can be sent to the battlefield, where they are turned into sausage meat, all for the men at the top.

user12345678901234 · 02/09/2026 09:28

Starlight7080 · 01/09/2026 22:45

Why did you include the stuff about him possible having asd or adhd . Thats not important. He is a bully. Does he bully adults at his job? Any friends he has? Family other then you and your children?
If not then he can obviously control his temper when he wants too.
This has nothing to do with adhd or asd . And even if he did get tested it would not make his behaviour OK. Or acceptable.

My ex husband was totally a man of the people, volunteered for a charity, is a high ranking professional, everyone’s friend, would do anything for anyone. It was only to his wife and children that he was a complete monster.
Incidentally, he got himself an adhd and asd diagnosis AFTER we left him. He has an on/off girlfriend and I think she’s sick of him, so he needs a new excuse for his crappy behaviour.
Hasn’t made an ounce of difference, he’s still abusive, post separation.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/09/2026 10:48

@HelpMEunderstand0
You said that he works long hours and is away a lot.
I would be thinking about what the household is like and how the children cope in both circumstances, when he is away and what its like when he's home.

If your son adores him (is adore the right description? he loves him because he's his father, but he clearly doesn't love the behaviour) he would still be able to see him.
I've seen comments about your son's behaviour, the pool ball and the sweets. I don't think he was out of order, he showed some spirit in standing up to the petty bullying that was going on, standing up for the 8 year old too.

So I think he may be realizing after the holiday that this isn't working. Also he knows that you listened to him last time and came back and tried to make it work. Perhaps he will see from the holiday that it probably hasn't.

In any case, he is going to be under pressure with GCSEs coming up, he would do better in a calm, non combative environment, but I know that's easy for me to suggest - only you can effectively weigh and measure this in real life.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 02/09/2026 10:51

Coldwetlettuce · 01/09/2026 21:11

It depends on whether he was behaving as i described in my post - bragging about being able to beat anyone including adults or he was just a boy who enjoyed playing pool and was very good at it. The second one, the husband’s BU, the first one, it’ll teach him
a valuable life lesson- no one likes an arrogant bragger, especially one whose claims don’t hold up

Show quote history

OK but What was his excuse for the cat?

August1980 · 02/09/2026 13:33

How awful for you OP! I was thinking the other day why do we put our selves through holidays - I feel so much pressure to enjoy myself I think we are annoying each other too! But we have a toddler and a baby!
day at the beach today was shambles I could just go home.

what can we do about the cat?

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