AIBU to really dislike DH after our holiday?

Read the room… you’re boring, attacking women and derailing a thread.

Did you miss the bit where he saw an 8 year old boy beat his children at pool good naturedly so he proceeded to challenge him as an adult and then be very aggressive when playing?!

On what planet is it OK to bully an 8 year old and attempt to humiliate him in perceived retribution for being better at pool than your own kids 🤯

This is because he’s gaslighting you into believing that. It is NOT true. The people have voted here and you can absolutely trust your judgment!!

I am not attacking women, that is ridiculous. And disagreeing with posters is not derailing a thread. The question was posted in AIBU!!

I would not stay with this angry horrible man for your son. First, your son needs a better role model, he's worried he will lose his dad so is clinging to him, it's his dad's moods that make him doubt this. The new normal will stabilise.

Second, you and your daughter count! Do not teach your dd that her life and feelings and sense of home are less important than your sons'.

Leave this angry man; you know that was the right thing to do. Step up and face your son and tell him you personally cannot live like this. You are a person in your own right, not just someone who has to be unhappy- teach him that mums and sisters matter too.

Somebody signpost Botanicalf to a thesaurus tool....please.

Thought you were backing off. I can post as I wish.

Let's ignore. They just want attention.

Sorry but what has he done that's either vile or cruel? Got pissed off at his son pratting around? Beat an 8 year old at pool? Refused a random cat a treat?

He doesnt sound like much fun to be around but neither does he sound like the devil incarnate.

Sigh. It is not bullying an 8 year old to beat them at pool, nor is it humiliating for an 8 year old to be beaten at pool by an adult. The only person he embarrassed was himself.

What a pig. You want to be careful the message you're sending your children by continuing to share a home with this man and tolerate his behaviour. Your son may not have coped well with the separation but he runs a serious risk of turning out just like him if you don't kick him out, and that would be a huge shame because from your OP it sounds like you've raised lovely kids.

Indeed. And people often love - even adore - their abusers, especially when everyone enables them and conveys the idea that this is normal family life and a normal relationship. It’s not and those around them have a duty to make sure that it is stopped.

Those poor DC deserve better.

Its not a “challenging situation.” none of these were challenging situations. Why the low bar for this man? His behavior is overly emotional and he is an adult.

Large adult man is unable to manage emotions and is rude to cashier, aggressive to an 8 year old, and has a cruel melt down in the airport and is unpleasant to his daughter for no reason.

Is this ok because he’s not a teenager, a child, or a woman? Why is everyone else in this scenario responsible for their behavior but this man is not?

Not suggesting you stay with him btw @HelpMEunderstand0 - a constant drip of anger and negativity is not much fun to live with and you cant stay married just to please your son. How would you feel about your ds choosing to live with him though? Is that likely?

A kid completely ignoring and repeatedly putting an item back in a basket is challenging. He didn’t have a melt down in the airport he simply went to the gate. He beat a child at pool, not the crime of the century .

No wonder your emotions are so high. He is an egotistical moody controlling idiot.
He would put most people sideways.
His DC don’t even like him. That’s a low bar as children nearly always want to be in love with their parents.

Sounds like you have three kids not two !
what a pathetic man he is . Get rid before he influences your poor kids any further than he already has .

Challenging situation! Your words. Of course a teenager kidding around in a shop is not challenging at all. To a normal parent. And losing your spouse in the airport because you moved off and finding them at the gate is no big deal and doesn’t require a mantrum. And entering a children’s friendly competition to “teach an 8 year old a lesson “ is an absolutely textbook example of bullying and inappropriate behavior in an adult.

You seem to accept the idea that men are just giant, angry, ineptly controlling bullies as the norm. Maybe your father was this way but my father, brother, and husband are calm and kind all the time even in airports. Or on holiday.its really not rocket science.

Nope I have a kind husband, father and sons. You’re putting your embellishments in. There is no indication the kid was kidding around and yes kids repeatedly ignoring no in shops can be challenging.

Incredibly concerning to me how one poster is still insisting on laying blame for this man's reactions and behaviour on the children. As someone who had to remove their own children from a similar toxic situation then divorce their father, it makes me inexplicably angry. For that reason I will not respond directly in quote to that poster, but I shudder at what this blaming says about them. Also note, on edit, that they state they have kind husband, father, sons, so my previously asking them if they had experience of this type of situation, no they evidently do not, making this even worse for me that they make the comments they have from a position where they absolutely do not understand.

"people often love - even adore - their abusers, especially when everyone enables them and conveys the idea that this is normal family life"

Yes, it's called perspecticide. It can happen to adults, as we see often in the DV posts on MN. But kids stand no chance, they literally think abusive behaviour is normal, because they have no frame of reference, no perspective.

Until one day they see someone outside of the dysfunctional family system who looks shocked or says something critical. For me, it was when the wife of a friend of my father said, at a party where my father had said something sneering to Mum, "You are such an unpleasant man."

For my H, whose father sometimes whipped him and his brother for complaining about the food at the table, it was seeing the cleaning lady (who ate with them) gasping and putting her big work-worn hands over her mouth in horror.

Dysfunctional and abusive family systems are like little cults.

op wouldn't be allowed to feed it healthy food either though Im assuming

It absolutely is bullying to challenge a small child and stranger at a game and then play it so aggressively that you smash him without any shared sense of fun or humour about the whole thing.…!

He sounds like a total prick.

Surely these personality traits have not appeared overnight. How on earth have you ended up staying in a relationship with someone like this?

You are continuing to engage