AIBU to be shaken after fiancé stayed out all night?

You’re lucky the bin lorry didn’t cart you off!

Men are only remorseful like that when they’ve been caught cheating, I would say he cheated and that’s why he’s so shocked at his behaviour and said he’d give up the drink. Sleeping on a park bench is a harmless mistake not sure why you’re both so shaken by it. There will be more to it. @TheBlueRobin

Yep - a bit like what they suspect happened to Corrie McKeague.

I suggest you get him to write himself a letter for the next time he’s going out drinking. Time will diminish the memory of the emotions he’s feeling now. He needs to give his future self a blunt reminder and advice about how, and who, he really wants to be when tempted by ‘friends’.

This. He goes out binge drinking every few months and it’s now escalated to going missing overnight. Possibly drugs involved, too, if he will still drunk this morning (despite saying he stopped at 2am?}

Honestly? It happens once or twice in a life that we make such mistakes and learn from them. He’s not a heavy drinker, he didn’t leave you to look after the kids or miss an event or anything. Alcohol makes people stupid and want to drink more. He’s a grown man so can look after himself if he wants to wander around for a few hours before the train.

He wasn't missing.

He knew where he was, answered OPs text immediately and got himself home first thing.

He got drunk and had a shit night.

Not sure why OP is shaken.

If his story is true then he has a drink problem.
That needs to be addressed before getting married or having a child. The only people I’ve known who did stuff like this when young were very clearly alcoholics as time went on.

What a selfish idiot too, to put such a damper on your wedding which should be quite an exciting time, and instead put you through a lot of worry and anxiety over it. One could say that he didn't intend it or that he didn't realise it would have that effect.. but that just shows that he didn't consider you at all.

His story has holes. There would have been taxis near the station.
A big city station would have places to sit and wait for the train.
If you decide to wait for the first morning train.. why wander away from there? especially if you are ready to conk out.

I think you need to review again the times he's got plastered previously and work out how many times it was, or just how he is around drink in general and whether that appears concerning or not.

Also I know people think its mad to check out the churches ( you could easily do that online) but there's so little to go on that if it either helped confirme his story or shows that it wasn't at all likely, then Id take a peek.

Its so close to your wedding, it's not a normal routine time, so every bit of info would help. I think you are right to spend the next week thinking it over.

I don't see the big deal here, if he was comfortable getting his head down where he did and an early train, then that's cool.

The biggest thing that I find frustrating is the unfairness that he has this option open to him as a man in the summer, whereas as women we look at this as some life-threatening level of risk taking.

Absolutely this.

You're making things up that aren't in the OP.

Comprehension is a big problem on MN.

OP didn't say it was a big city. Just nearest city.

Last train was at 11.30pm. He was with a friend till 2am then went to another late night place. Knew there were no trains so wandered about and slept on a bench.

There'd be no taxis at the station at 2am and later, OPs DP also didn't say he was at the station at 6am when she text, just that he'd get the 1st train home but she picked him up still drunk at 6 something which since he was drinking till 3/4 maybe even later in a late night place seems obvious.

There are no holes and no evidence that anything happened other than what he said, he got pissed with a friend till 2am then went drinking at a late night place and then collapsed on a church bench and OP picked him up a couple of hours later.

Not stellar behaviour but that's what drinking for hours can do.

He replied to OPs text immediately so she didn't spend hours worrying about him, just a few minutes.

Yeah, some people think that boozing is the be all and end all...

OP said herself he had just been paid and could have got a taxi or a cheap hotel. So presumably a city big enough to have both of those?

You are missing the point entirely...

People are pointing out that her partner's story is not holding up to scrutiny.

It is not just about someone having a night out with his friends which no one would criticise.

It is about a man who is very obviously lying about what happened to make him stay out all night.

Which is very, very different.

There is nothing 'controlling' or 'dramatic' about wondering why he did not message her to say he had missed the train or whether he really slept by a church when he had the option to try to get hold of one of his mates, walk into a hotel or simply take a taxi.

The OP is about to marry someone and she is right to want to make sure this is not going to be a big mistake.

If he cheated on her then she needs to know and call off the wedding. Again nothing 'dramatic' about that. Juts common sense.

He was pissed and not thinking straight.

That's what alcohol does. Especially when you binge drink infrequently.

He was drinking past 2am then replied to OP at 6am. Then she picked him up. Pissed.

He wasn't doing anything else other than what he said he was doing, being drunk and inept through drunkenness.

If OP wants to reconsider her marriage because of his binge-drinking that's up to her. But people implying there are holes in his story, wanting OP to think he was on drugs or fucking someone are unreasonable IMO when his story seems entirely realistic.

Call me cynical, I’d be thinking one night stand…

I've just said, nothing about his story doesn't tally with a binge-drinking episode for someone unused to it, at all.

Why would he, as a grown man in his 30s text her to say, I've missed the train? He hadn't missed it, he'd decided to stay out drinking. OP was in bed which he'd have known, so I assume he wouldn't as a grown man, be texting her and possibly waking her up to say 'I've stayed out longer'. He was thinking he'd go home when they finished except he got too pissed to sort that out.

If you want to make OP think her OP fucked someone then that's up to you.

Bollocks. I certainly haven't.

Hope you are getting the whole story now, OP. Sleeping outside a church in the rain isn't it. He could have got a taxi/Uber home if he has any common sense at all.

Why is he obviosuly lying.
He is a man, you are applying female logic to this situation.

As a MAN -

He missed his train but by the time it became an issue it was a few hours until the morning trains started running, this would save him £££ over a taxi and hotel after what was probably already an expensive night out.

It was summer and warm enough, and he had a coat.

He found somewhere sheltered and moderatly comfortable to get his head down.

So he went to sleep in the meantime until he could get a train.

Ideal

As WOMEN -

We would have been concerned being propositioned and ultimately raped and/or murder.

LOL 😂’walked around’ from 2am then slept outside a church? Hahahaha. Grown ass man with funds! Of course he cheated

I'm so glad I am single and free. I have a non live in partner for years, we just go ahead and do our own thing when and where we want and need to, (all legal ha ha), and never have to explain our lives outside of our relationship to each other.

We trust each other. Do you trust your future husband OP? If you did none of this would matter to you, he's home safe and that should be the end of it. Over scrutiny of people's lives is going to lead to a dead end.

Cheating is one possibility for his behaviour and something worth investigating.

Binge-drinking is also a good enough reason to dump someone.

Someone over 30 should not be blind drunk to the point where he has to pass out next to a church and sleep it off.

Also no need to use the F word when you post comments.

I guess we just have different standards.

Female logic?

I call it common sense and the ability to realise someone is lying.

Some of these comments are just bizarre...

I would be wondering why he didn't call me to come and get him.

I think all you can do is try and find out if he was telling the truth and if he wasn't then re-think.