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AIBU?

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AIBU to be shaken after fiancé stayed out all night?

257 replies

TheBlueRobin · 29/08/2026 07:21

My fiance (M33) didn't come home last night after a night out in our nearest city. I (F33) am so shocked my anger hasn't kicked in yet. We get married in 7 weeks.

He had this night out planned for a little while, going out with a work friend for some food and one of those interactive game places to do darts etc. Later in the night he bumped into a mutual friend of ours who I know is a big drinker and one for nights out. The last time I heard from him was 9:30 where he sent a selfie of the two of them and a comment about our friend's crazy stories. He said he was getting the last train at 11:30 so would be home around midnight. So I went to sleep.

I wake up at 6am to our hungry cats, notice he is not in bed or the spare room and nothing on the Ring doorbell to show he had come home. I presumed he had stayed at friend's house in the city and just said 'look send me a message when you wake up and I can pick you up'. He replied quite quickly saying he was getting the first train home. I asked where he slept and he gave a garbled response saying our friend left him and by that time it was 2am. He went to a late night place and then just walked around and then slept outside a church. He had a thick rain coat on but I was so shocked at his response and disregard for his own personal safety. He had just been paid so could have afforded a taxi or got a cheap hotel or something. He was still quite drunk when I picked him up but he seemed remorseful and in fact quite shocked at his actions. He's sleeping it off now and we'll talk later. It was pouring with rain outside as well.

For context, my partner does like a drink but is not a frequent drinker. His last crazy night out was his stag in June and before that a few months before. We do drink together. I have no concerns about him cheating or anything like being aggressive. But it feels like a switch goes in his head and he just has no regard for his actions and keeps drinking.

He is a good, loving, kind, funny man, he is very loving, affectionate and we have a good relationship. But this has thrown me. If this happened more frequently I wouldn't be with him. If this was earlier in our relationship, it would be a big red flag. We got together in our mid twenties when this kind of thing could be laughed off as part of youth but at 33 you should know better.

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 02/09/2026 00:33

I knew a girl through work who used to curl up and go to sleep in public places when drunk. She also did it after a work night out in mid December 🥶 and could have frozen to death. I’ve had my moments with too much drink on board but I had never really considered it as a thing that anyone would do. I also know a guy who went hypothermic from falling asleep outside in middle of winter. It’s obviously a sign of way too much drink and inadequate self care so he needs to watch his consumption if that’s what happens when he’s had too many jars.

Lifeissodifficult · 02/09/2026 00:58

I have thrown my DHs beer down the drain before and i have him on Find My Friends.

And i even insist on him counting his units each week.

Sue me. i want to be married to a mature man not a man child who causes me chaos - life is difficult enough.

Set your stall out OP - don’t go into marriage being too obliging.

Chilesstanton · 02/09/2026 01:47

That story is a load of shite OP

WhatTheHellsGoingOn · 02/09/2026 02:36

ErNo20 · 31/08/2026 10:07

So his friend got his girlfriend to cover for him. There is NO WAY she messaged you with this carefully worded and oh so inconvenient information off her own back. How bloody strange. That's that then, he's lying.

Sounds extreme? No it sounds incredibly lenient. He got so fucked up with alcohol he passed out in the pouring rain - or he stayed somewhere he should not have been. These are the two options.

Well, you know what's coming, so you can't say you weren't warned.

Edited

So his friend got his girlfriend to cover for him. There is NO WAY she messaged you with this carefully worded and oh so inconvenient information off her own back.

That was my first thought. Also he’d be very ill if he wa stained on all night and stayed in wet clothes. Was he wet when he returned, OP? And why didn’t he want you to pick him up the next day?

Epdrenching · 02/09/2026 03:00

You are repeating the pattern of what you know.
You deserve better.
I wouldn't believe that message.

Azandme · 02/09/2026 07:25

Lifeissodifficult · 02/09/2026 00:58

I have thrown my DHs beer down the drain before and i have him on Find My Friends.

And i even insist on him counting his units each week.

Sue me. i want to be married to a mature man not a man child who causes me chaos - life is difficult enough.

Set your stall out OP - don’t go into marriage being too obliging.

A "mature man" wouldn't need his beer throwing down the sink, or to be made to count his units.

This isn't evidence of his "maturity", it's evidence of you being controlling, and him going along with it to appease you.

Which isn't healthy in any way, and definitely not the flex you appear to think it is.

Dearg · 02/09/2026 07:59

He’s probably lying, and he’s probably fed up of your controlling ways.

I would suggest you agree to postpone the wedding , and perhaps get some couples counselling. Because he sounds immature and you sound a nightmare.

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