AIBU to be shaken after fiancé stayed out all night?

I really must take a stroll through my local churchyard some time soon. From what I read here I'll hardly be able to get through for all the drunk mumsnetters sleeping it off.

😆

Do his very expensive earphones not have tracking ability? Most do.

I asked where he slept and he gave a garbled response saying our friend left him and by that time it was 2am. He went to a late night place and then just walked around and then slept outside a church. He had a thick rain coat on but I was so shocked at his response and disregard for his own personal safety. He had just been paid so could have afforded a taxi or got a cheap hotel or something. He was still quite drunk when I picked him up but he seemed remorseful and in fact quite shocked at his actions. He's sleeping it off now and we'll talk later. It was pouring with rain outside as well

I’m naturally quite cynical and inclined to think the worst of people, but surely even the most trustful of partners would have difficulty swallowing this load of bollocks, wouldn’t they? I mean, a teenager could have come up with something better. I’m absolutely not saying he’s cheated on you. But I don’t think he’s telling you the truth. And if he is, he’s got some thinking to do about his choices when it comes to alcohol.

2am is prime time for taxis. There are rows of them outside every club at that time of night. He couldn’t find one that would take him to a Premier Inn? What late night place? What was the name of it? If he doesn’t know its name, what was near it? What did the interior look like? Does Google show their opening hours? If it was a lock in, why would he have been invited to stay, as a stranger? What church? In the town centre? On a bench outside? Or was he sleeping on the ground? What made him choose to wander around to find a quiet, out of the way church rather than a 24 hour cafe/mcds or even a large hotel lobby where he could have ordered coffee? Or a well lit bus stop right outside the train station in full view of cctv? Ready for the first train in the morning. And if he’d slept outside, presumably he looked like he’d just showered in his clothes and shoes? Any mud on his clothes? Were his shoes soaking? I’d message the mutual friend and say ‘Have fun last night?’ and see what he says. See if his story matches up with the flannel your partner is about to give you.

I have definitely sat about for a few hours before the first train home rather than get a taxi before when young, skint and on drugs I wouldn't assume he had cheated. But it's not sensible and I had definitely ended that behaviour by the time I was 30. My ex and his mate could drink all night up until a few years ago and would just keep going from place to place until the early hours. Fairly gross behaviour though.

Don’t believe his twaddle.
Don’t be one of THOSE women who have red flags waved directly under their noses, ignore them and end up married and up the duff with a completely selfish loser.

You’ll be on here in five years asking how to get your ducks in a row.

Sounds like TB to me and he's not quite grown up yet, give him another 10 years then he might act like he's 33, but do you want a future kid and a man child in the mean time to look after. He needs his mum, not a wife.

I wouldn't care too much about an all nighter if he'd been at an after party or something. But no way did he sleep at a church. That's pure rubbish. I'm a reformed, grown up party person so I know people do have mad nights occasionally. But that church stuff does not ring true in any way. He should tell the truth about where he was.

Pfffft. I’m a professional woman in my 50’s and when I lived in London in my 20’s and 30’s we all did this at least once. Not necessarily the church but yes got drunk carried on to a club and slept somewhere stupid. Me and a friend had a couple hours kip on a bench in the garden of St Thomas’ Hospital waiting for the first tube. My boyfriend at the time (now DH) was worried but then thought it hilarious. He once slept under a bridge in Islington waiting for the first tube. I literally don’t know anyone who hasn’t done similar.
Most of Mumsnet have very dull lives in dullsville and could barely consider even staying out after 11pm. Late nights with your friends are totally normal. Especially when young. The occasional church sleep decision is usually a one off to tell at dinner parties.
It certainly doesn’t mean he’s cheated nor that he will be some kind of street drunkard for your whole married life.

I think some people here have led sheltered lives. It's not impossible he cheated (although the state you describe doesn't sound likely to me) but it's also not impossible that he was incapable of getting himself home.

Exactly what I was trying to say!

Edited to add that it was not incommon for people to come back to the office and sleep under their desks if it was an after work night out.

You cannot go demanding CCTV from anywhere to confirm that your partner hasn’t cheated. MN is the most ridiculous place at times and I do wonder what goes through people’s minds before they type.

Definitely, I went to lots of parties (back in the day) that went on till the next day. Also I went out with a massive boozer party animal that got into many scrapes. Forgot to pay taxi drivers, came back without a shoe etc. He never slept in a graveyard! Passed out in someone's house party-yes. Sounds like he's fibbing about this to me. Why though?

The whole story reminds me of my ex. He was a cheater who once said he didn’t come home because he got locked in the barber shop!

He didn't sleep outside a church. He's lying to you.

OP, yanbu to be concerned.
I find his heavy binge drinking every so often, and now this, an escalation.
I find his story unbelievable.

I would be pushing the wedding back.
If you do marry him, do not have children for years and years.

He has the sound of a cheater/alcohol issues about him.

I'm dubious about the fiancé's story but this is batshit. Asking the church for CCTV footage? Firstly they won't be able to provide it and secondly you'll sound nuts.

I suppose he might have passed out drunk near a church. From your description he's at the very least a binge drinking loser. Don't marry him.

Just mentioning ways of finding out the truth as to her fiancés whereabouts last night…. It would be better of course if he was honest

And in the pouring rain as well!

I've missed the last train home before, I've left clubs at 3/4am when the 1st train isn't until 6am. I've walked around London waiting for the 1st train home,sat at stations many a times in my younger days.

I remember going to see David Blaine in his glass box after a night clubbing whilst waiting for the 1st train.

I wasn't cheating, I wasn't doing anything dubious (unless eating a McDonald's beneath a man starving in a glass box counts).

Mumsnet is weird about this sort of thing though, I'm sure some people never had a good time when they were younger.

Aged 33? In the age of Uber and mobile phones. She said he'd just been paid and could have got a taxi or even hotel. He's not a skint drunk student from 30 years ago.

Even if he’s not cheating, if this is something that can be sort of a recurring event it would point towards addiction and maybe something other than alcohol. I’d be very wary about legally tying myself to that.

Agree with this. Words mean nothing, actions do. But so close to the wedding, you won’t have time to see if he really means what he is saying. Don’t rush into anything - if his behaviour does not change he’d not be the right person to build a future with and have kids with. Postponing the wedding would be a very wise move on your part.

I agree that you should postpone the wedding. At the very least he is unable to control how much he drinks on a night out which doesn’t bode well for the future.