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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsJeanLuc · 29/08/2026 20:05

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 19:59

Its basically a different style, the heated one is more like a tower thing rather than the normal fold out airer.

Tbf I can see why he'd want it because apparently they dry things quicker and use less than the tumble dryer, but I still think we could have discussed it first 😂

I suppose the normal airer could go if we actually use the heated one all the time, which he says we will. I just don't like buying something before deciding what we're doing with the old one.

Show quote history

Ah, I'm with you now OP, I wasn't at first, but it's not about the £40 is it, it's about the space it needs and the change to your washing routine.

My advice to you is to embrace it now you have it. We have one (but we did discuss it before buying). Keep your ordinary airer (surely it folds flat ?) - we find we use the standard airer more in the summer and the heated one more in the winter. It's cheaper than using a tumble dryer, and kinder to the clothes too. Though you may find that you want to get a dehumidifier as well (still a lot cheaper to run those two devices than a tumble dryer).

Waytoohothot · 29/08/2026 20:07

Where are you living its been 40 degrees for the last 2 months!

schnubbins · 29/08/2026 20:08

It's his house too .

AngelRoja · 29/08/2026 20:11

40 quid that you can afford for something that he finds useful for a task he shares is not a drama! How many wives wish that their husbands would blow 40 quid on something useful in the house or even that they took an interest.

Definately overreacting. And yes 40 is a bargain.

Does he control everything you buy for the house or does he make you discuss it first?

YBU

Bobbinette · 29/08/2026 20:15

Sorry but it sounds like a bargain. Mine was £125 but I love it. They are very cheap to run, will warm the room it’s used in
and is far better for your clothes and your electric bill! I have had mine for several years and it’s great. I still dry clothes outside when it’s dry but this is perfect for when it’s not.

Retiredfromearlyyears · 29/08/2026 20:21

Those heated air dryers / clothes horses are brilliant .He's right they are so cheap to run. When our Aldi stocks them the sell out in couple of hours! I would never routinely run my tumble dryer, they are fuel greedy. I dont see a problem here tbh! Surely he has the autonomy to buy a heated clothes dryer. How much discussion does that require! ?

GaryA · 29/08/2026 20:28

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

Fellow men. Stay single for ever and a day lest you have to deal with this kind of moronic BS. Let battle commence. 🤣

AzureOrca · 29/08/2026 20:33

You might find that the heated airer costs more money than the tumble dryer to use. I have a good one and that does use more electricity

WinterTreacle · 29/08/2026 20:38

This is a non issue and so ridiculous to be bothered about it. Unless, of course, you can’t afford it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 29/08/2026 20:41

I don’t know if this thread was meant to be an advert but I’ve just ordered one! 😂

ZenGarden89 · 29/08/2026 20:53

You’re being so completely unreasonable it’s bizarre. It all sounds quite weird and controlling tbh.

Daisyhon · 29/08/2026 21:25

Do you ask him if it’s ok to buy something for the house every time you want to make a purchase ? I’m sorry but I think you are being very controlling & it’s a slippery slope to start going down if u make a fuss about this .

August1980 · 29/08/2026 21:27

Ooh, I know not the point of the thread but could you let us know of its any good?

I did wonder if we should get up! I hate the dryer on at night! (And the dishwasher) having read on here that it could start a fire!

dcthatsme · 29/08/2026 21:39

I hope that all your disagreements are only over such matters! I’ve often wondered what those dryers are like but we don’t have an electric point in our bathroom where we usually dry clothes.

PurpleYarnivore · 29/08/2026 21:46

I’ve had my heated clothes dryer for over 15 years and it’s my best ever household purchase . I put it on over night and it works perfectly every time - £40 is a bargain mine was about £100 from Lakeland in 2010. Used it today now Autumns arrived it seems .

MollyMini · 29/08/2026 22:02

Superscientist · 28/08/2026 19:50

My partner and I would both be annoyed if either of us spent ~£30+ on something for the house or if it was bigger than a shoe box without talking it through. It's not the cost or a control thing it's a courtesy thing. It is our house, it's our money, I don't want it clutter with things we won't use and don't need. On the flip side we are both prone to over researching and would look into the right heater for our needs or what is the right thing for drying our washing. We both also are passionate about reduce, reuse, recycle and we do our best to find solutions that doesn't result in an impulse purchase.
We have a joint Amazon account and there are very few things that get ordered that the other doesn't know about and agree to get

100% this :-) 💕

Gwenhwyfar · 29/08/2026 22:03

OuijaBoard · 28/08/2026 18:58

Depends on if (for example): (1) he bought an air fryer that he says needs but you'll never use because you hardly ever fry anything and are happy to use a frying pan if you do. (2) He bought an air fryer because he forgot you already have one or because he liked this new one slightly better. (3) He bought a painting of an air fryer and you find it ugly and don't even want it in the loo. (4) He bought a fryadoodle (air fryer-poodle hybrid) and you know from past experience that he will expect you to feed and walk it. And so on.

What's "normal" depends on what the established norms are for your relationship, either stated or mutually understood. If he didn't violate some rule like "check on any joint purchases over £10 then I'd let it go this time (if you can't persuade him to return it) and see if the two of you can agree on firmer ad more explicit rules going forward.

An air fryer is a type of oven. It's not really for frying so having a frying pan is not relevant. Already having an oven is a bit relevant.

Gwenhwyfar · 29/08/2026 22:05

Waytoohothot · 29/08/2026 20:07

Where are you living its been 40 degrees for the last 2 months!

Where are you living that it's been 40 degrees for the last 2 months???

Saffy255 · 29/08/2026 22:05

I'd be made up if my husband bought a heated airer, I've wanted one for ages!!

£40 is nothing, they usually cost a lot more than that!

Bellie710 · 29/08/2026 22:06

£40??? Unless every penny is a prisoner and you are seriously struggling, I could not get upset about this!

trainkeepsgoing · 29/08/2026 22:08

I’d be delighted if he bought a heated dryer

IsItOverYetPlease · 29/08/2026 22:08

Fuck me he bought a heated airier, not sodding crack cocaine.

ScreentimeInTheMeantime · 29/08/2026 22:09

You’ve said you aren’t hard up and presumably don’t have an explicit policy that permission is needed for joint purchases over £x. If that’s right, I think it’s v unreasonable to be het up about this. I’d hate to have to run that sort of thing past my husband. And vice versa I’d be fine (pleased, even) if my husband bought something he thought would help with housework. He makes the odd purchase I don’t love (some bulky and annoying to store), but living with someone means not having 100% control over every little thing.

Those heater dryers are great and will save money on tumble drying in colder weather. Plus £40 is a good price for one of those.

trainkeepsgoing · 29/08/2026 22:09

Where did he buy it?

oviraptor21 · 29/08/2026 22:18

Raptors · 28/08/2026 18:51

It was £40. Why on earth would I be annoyed at my husband for spending £40? Confused £400 without discussing sure I'd be quite rightly pissed off but £40, no I could even begin to be annoyed.

Maybe it's something OP doesn't want in her house - a life-size model dalek, a tasteless piece of art, a kitchen appliance that will just take to space on the side and never get used.

Turns out it's a heated drier so fits into the takes up space and (may) never get used. Yes I'd expect some kind of discussion about something like that.

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