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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you be annoyed by this or am I being unreasonable?

465 replies

Nmiddleofnowhere · 28/08/2026 18:45

DH has bought something for the house without mentioning it to me and I am honestly a bit annoyed.

It was about £40 so its not like he's gone mad or anything but its something we absolutely did not need and I would have rather the money went towards other things tbh.

I only found out because the parcel turned up and when I asked what it was he said he'd ordered it a couple of days ago. I said I wish he'd mentioned it first and he said why, its hardly a big purchase and he doesn't ask me before buying things for himself.

I do see that point but I don't really think its the same when its something for the house? Especially when we've got other things coming up that we need to pay for.

I am not saying he needs to ask permission every time he spends money btw. If he wants to buy himself something with his own money then obviously thats different. But if its coming out of our joint account for something that is basically unnecessary then surely its reasonable to discuss it first?

He thinks I'm being controlling and making an issue out of nothing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
JBud1902 · 29/08/2026 18:48

Seriously £40 on a household item, albeit if your finances are in trouble.
would this of been okay if you had bought it without telling HIM 🤔

GreenEyesMillennial · 29/08/2026 18:49

Gosh i order so many things for the house without mentioning to my husband

DancingInTheMoonlights · 29/08/2026 18:49

I’m always buying things for the home and not asking my husband first. Do you clear all purchases with him before buying anything? Like a new set of towels or a saucepan or a new bin? Surely he’s got a right to buy something for is own home?

Seems like an odd response.

WtP · 29/08/2026 18:51

TourDeChance · 29/08/2026 18:47

Why? The post is pretty daft. Are you the MN police?

Show quote history

Yes, I have a big blue flashing light as well 😂24 hrs ago the OP said what her husband had bought, so it's hardly new info.

JBud1902 · 29/08/2026 18:51

Serious control freak I feel

GlitteryRainbow · 29/08/2026 18:53

Coffee maker?

Monty36 · 29/08/2026 18:54

A big heated airer for £40. If you say that washing and drying you see as your domain only then I can understand why you might think he would talk to you first.
But if, you have made it clear that this area of household work is shared, then no. You are then being VU.

Hurrain · 29/08/2026 18:55

It never fails to surprise me, the banal stuff people post about!

He could have discussed it. But it really isn’t a big deal. We don’t have a tumble dryer but our heated airer does the job. I feel like his intentions were good!

AmnesiacsDream · 29/08/2026 19:00

To answer your original question, OP, no that would not annoy me. And to possibly back your DH up a bit, I think it's a bit controlling to complain about him buying one thing, that you can easily afford and that he will use without running it past you first.

But if he does it all the time, significantly eats into your joint income and fills the house up with tat, then I take it all back and I'd be annoyed as all get out.

Ileithyia · 29/08/2026 19:01

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 29/08/2026 18:38

Most of them don't work like that.

Ours doesn't have heated rails - it's just a normal airer with a cover and a "fan" that blasts hot air around. It dries a load of laundry in 2 hours.

Show quote history

I’ve only ever seen the heated rails ones, mine has a cover but it also makes no difference, no fans, like the ones you’re talking about.

SouthLondonMum22 · 29/08/2026 19:17

This is why I would never agree to joint finances. Quibbling over spending £40 of my own money would be miserable.

Tuesdayschild50 · 29/08/2026 19:19

Its for the home its a better purchase than a normal airer and 40 pound is good for one of them ...you have a too tight grip if annoyed over this 😒

MyUniqueRubyPoet · 29/08/2026 19:21

Depends what it is!

Wooky073 · 29/08/2026 19:25

i think heated airer are a love / hate thing. But it’s actually a great purchase for £40. I paid £100 plus for mine. Tips - cover it with a cotton sheet to contain the heat and add a fan. Do that and laundry is dried overnight. Way better and cheaper than tumble drier. I think he has the right for that to come out of household accounts without permission. Unless that £40 meant you couldn’t eat next week

MrDobbs · 29/08/2026 19:26

Do you buy stuff for the house without asking him?

SoManySliders · 29/08/2026 19:27

You are being very unreasonable and dare I say it, a tad controlling.

Phelicity · 29/08/2026 19:31

Poor chap.

3luckystars · 29/08/2026 19:32

How weird to have a problem with such a minor thing.

BippityBoppety · 29/08/2026 19:35

YABU and it does come across as a bit controlling. On a side note, last winter or the winter before heated airers sold out in a lot of shops as they are low cost to run but do dry clothes quicker than a normal airer and leave them less musty. We got one to tackle the mountain of baby washing that was piling up and it was a game changer. Getting one now and at a very reasonable price might have been quite a savvy move by DH.

Greatexpect · 29/08/2026 19:43

I’d feel very stifled if I had to constantly consult my husband about every purchase like that. If something arrives and he hates it or has good reason why it’s not appropriate for the house I will return it.

k8jr · 29/08/2026 19:45

From your updates, I’d probably see it a little differently. The fact that £40 isn’t putting you in any financial difficulty, along with his reasoning for buying it, makes me think being annoyed that he didn’t consult you first is a bit much.

If the situation were reversed and he was annoyed with you for spending £40 on something for the house without consulting him, I think you’d probably feel like that was a bit restrictive too, and that you should be able to make that decision yourself.

AmgryWife · 29/08/2026 19:49

Not important enough to make a fuss. Treat him like an adult man not a child to be reprimanded.

WittyTaupeLion · 29/08/2026 19:50

Bet there were times when you spent £40 and expected a smile and partner to be happy. It’s really not worth a relationship issue !

AmusedGreyMember · 29/08/2026 19:52

Actually they are great! More economic than tumble dryer and you can't tumble everything. I'd be happy to have one. Especially as wet weather has arrived.

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 29/08/2026 20:02

If money isn't an issue then I don't see what the big deal is.