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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

531 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
RVectensian · Yesterday 18:24

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:17

they may be wealthy but still tight with £ at times

They buy you dinner every week, that isn't tight.

They didn't take the piss, nor give ambiguous responses. You behaved oddly, and instead of feeling embarrassed at your very obvious faux pas are trying to blame them.

Just live and learn, somehow you didn't realise ordering 2 dinners was rude, much like you didn't realise that that it wasn't normal to allow a friend to buy every week.

But now you know, so you can make changes.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:26

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 18:23

Do you pay attention to what people try to tell you?

Edited

yes i get it, i was ment to read between the lines, but seriously when did yes mean no and no mean yes etc

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:27

RVectensian · Yesterday 18:24

They buy you dinner every week, that isn't tight.

They didn't take the piss, nor give ambiguous responses. You behaved oddly, and instead of feeling embarrassed at your very obvious faux pas are trying to blame them.

Just live and learn, somehow you didn't realise ordering 2 dinners was rude, much like you didn't realise that that it wasn't normal to allow a friend to buy every week.

But now you know, so you can make changes.

fair points i understand what everyone is saying but in my view its like why not say the budget is x and its for one meal etc

OP posts:
backformoreofthesame · Yesterday 18:27

They offered to buy you A meal
that’s 1 - one - singular

you got 2

focussing on the price limit is disingenuous

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 18:27

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:26

yes i get it, i was ment to read between the lines, but seriously when did yes mean no and no mean yes etc

It means if other people spends money on you don't get gready.

Rufusisturnedon · Yesterday 18:27

This is so odd. Is it reverse !?

backformoreofthesame · Yesterday 18:28

Because you shouldn’t have to say when you offer to buy dinner that it’s one dinner not dinners plural
dinner : lunch it’s a singular noun

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:28

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 18:27

It means if other people spends money on you don't get gready.

true, but then people should not presume that there view is the same as the other persons when asked or said etc

OP posts:
BMW58 · Yesterday 18:28

It's not your friend, it's you.

Either you're autistic or you're a rude grabby sponger. Or both actually !

Whichever you've got a bloody cheek to call her tight! WTF!!!

Next week why don't YOU insist on buying her food and tell her she can have whatever she wants up to £20?

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:29

Rufusisturnedon · Yesterday 18:27

This is so odd. Is it reverse !?

please, you know mumsnet, i dont have time to pull that bull

OP posts:
Rufusisturnedon · Yesterday 18:29

Let’s us know by way of comparison the size of the medium potato. Adult fist? Child fist ?

did you tell us topping ? That makes a difference

sounds like whoever is being treated is taking the piss

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:30

BMW58 · Yesterday 18:28

It's not your friend, it's you.

Either you're autistic or you're a rude grabby sponger. Or both actually !

Whichever you've got a bloody cheek to call her tight! WTF!!!

Next week why don't YOU insist on buying her food and tell her she can have whatever she wants up to £20?

well saying have what you want then moaning when i do have what i want does seem tight ?

OP posts:
ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 18:30

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:27

fair points i understand what everyone is saying but in my view its like why not say the budget is x and its for one meal etc

Next time buy your own food. Much easier.

You won't get people to specify like you want. It would sound rude. People tend to say things in a nice way and expect not to be taken advantage of.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:30

Rufusisturnedon · Yesterday 18:29

Let’s us know by way of comparison the size of the medium potato. Adult fist? Child fist ?

did you tell us topping ? That makes a difference

sounds like whoever is being treated is taking the piss

adult, and it was garlic butter, cheese and beans

OP posts:
IwanttoWFH · Yesterday 18:31

Ordering two jacket potatoes is greedy and odd.
They’re treating you to lunch and you ordered two lunches. The cost doesn’t matter.

Calling them “tight” when they buy you a meal every week is very rich….!

Twinkylightsg · Yesterday 18:31

OP if you were on your own, eating there not taking away anything. Would you order two jacket potatoes to eat yourself and pay for that?

Not saying you wouldn't. Just trying to understand and maybe provide better insight.

AbzMoz · Yesterday 18:31

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:26

yes i get it, i was ment to read between the lines, but seriously when did yes mean no and no mean yes etc

Quite frequently!

If you ate and enjoyed both, in response to the sarcastic comment I’d breezily say ‘oh I know I was famished oops!’ and then gracefully take the lesson that in future this offer means one conventional meal… such as one jacket (maybe with two toppings)!

Also the request for a budget appears quite grabby - and your subsequent behaviour in getting two mains makes it look like you were trying to fill the budget which I’m sure wasn’t your intention but would rankle the person making the offer.

BeardySchnauzer · Yesterday 18:31

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:27

fair points i understand what everyone is saying but in my view its like why not say the budget is x and its for one meal etc

Because life is too short to have to list out the obvious?

BMW58 · Yesterday 18:31

It's not tight - it's YOU missing the Social Etiquette and normal behaviours.
Everyone here understands what you did wrong.

YABU

Butchyrestingface · Yesterday 18:32

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:17

they may be wealthy but still tight with £ at times

You’re calling someone who treats you to a meal every week “tight at times”?

Grin
Happyjoe · Yesterday 18:32

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:17

they may be wealthy but still tight with £ at times

Blimey, ok now you sound unpleasant.
Pay for a meal. Don't offer, just beat them to it. And don't call them tight when they pick up the tab every week! Wow.

category12 · Yesterday 18:32

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:30

well saying have what you want then moaning when i do have what i want does seem tight ?

Letting the other person pay week after week seems tight.

Blimms · Yesterday 18:32

Even if it was their treat, you were still rude.

Newbutoldfather · Yesterday 18:33

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe ,

I agree with you about one baked potato not really being a meal.

But, how did you get into this situation with your friend? Is she older/much better off than you?

It is unusual for one person to always pay, but there are circumstances where it happens. I am just curious.

I can see why she might think you were taking advantage though, if you were well in budget, I wouldn’t think that. But, equally, she was rude to tell you off.

i used to take a friend’s (adult, working) daughter out to dinner regularly and, as I was much better off, I always paid, but she did tend to order lobster and steak, so her meal was about twice mine! I paid graciously but did think that she should have been more tactful with her ordering. So, it works both ways.

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 18:33

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:28

true, but then people should not presume that there view is the same as the other persons when asked or said etc

You should act a bit more thoughtfully . Sorry.
You don't have a right to spend other peoples' money.

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