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Whats the point of consent and asking permission if you get lied to

531 replies

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 17:52

Whats the point of consent and permission ? friends meal and they cover the cost, they said here is x amount get what you want, so permission is asked what the limit is eg £20 and i can get whatever food / takeaway with it, the yes permission is given that i can buy what i want within the budget.

turns out a day or two after wards a sarcastic comment was made because i had 2 jacket potatoes with different toppings, so i said why is that an issue and it turns out that they still thought id get one instead of two ,

so i said i asked permission of what the budget was and i did ask what i could get then all i got was oh id still thought you would get 1 so i said why then say i can get x why not just say and be honest.

i guess this is more me moaning but why do people do this, say yes to x then they actually want you do to x instead its like why ?

before anyone asks we usually do a weekly meal out, and no they are fairly wealthy

OP posts:
MoHarris · Yesterday 18:47

To me the whole thing is strange.

Why is the other person paying every week? I go out with a friend and we take turns it’s not the same person every week.
Also find it very strange you asked for a budget. You just pick a meal. Asking for a budget seems greedy to me.

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 18:47

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:47

but when they say have what ever you want and the budget is x then why should how many be a factor ? as long as its under budget

Pay your own meels and things are sorted.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:48

ShetlandishMum · Yesterday 18:47

Wouldn't a snack be fine? You are not paying and ordering two seems rude tbh.

but i had asked as long as its under budget could i get what i want

OP posts:
murasaki · Yesterday 18:48

I'm not someone who thinks the infamous mumsnet chicken can last a week, but one jacket potato with cheese and beans would be plenty for lunch. I couldn't eat two.

Op, you played it badly. Next time, you need to say from the start it's your treat. Then you can order whatever you like as you are paying. And I bet you wouldn't order two....

whippersnapper55 · Yesterday 18:48

Two jacket potatoes with toppings is just plain greedy, which is probably what they thought. Just pay for your own meal from now on. No idea why you would accept a friend paying for your meal every week!

GarlicAnywhere · Yesterday 18:48

I do believe you have autism. So, OK, does this help?

Lunch is on me
They're offering to buy you one lunch
At the specific café
While you're with them.

Up to £20
They're offering to pay up to £20 for your one lunch.

Anything you want
Any single lunch up to £20.
They're not, for instance, saying you can go next door and spend their £20 on a new jumper.
It is a limited offer of a single lunch, £20 or less.

What you could do
Ask: I really want jacket potato but they're a bit small. Is it okay if I get two?

What you should also do
Insist on paying sometimes.
Don't ask or argue, just pay.

MoistVonL · Yesterday 18:48

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:39

if they asked me like i asked them two questions
whats the budget
and can i get what i want
then if they did get eg 3 pizzas under budget then id be ok because thats what i said they could do

Because socialised humans, once they've reached adulthood, have learned to navigate social conversations, barring disability.

They are treating you to a meal. Therefore you order one (modestly priced) meal from the menu. You don't order sirloin steak, you don't order 4 portions of a side dish like chips, you don't order two things listed as a meal.

Your friend commented because in ordering two separate things it looks like you are taking the piss and not following the spirit of what they were offering.

Their reply to your question wasn't "spend £20 of my money", it was "choose something from the menu to eat."

This is something you need to learn, not something your kind friend did wrong.

Boomer55 · Yesterday 18:48

If someone else is paying, over ordering is just greedy.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:49

MoHarris · Yesterday 18:47

To me the whole thing is strange.

Why is the other person paying every week? I go out with a friend and we take turns it’s not the same person every week.
Also find it very strange you asked for a budget. You just pick a meal. Asking for a budget seems greedy to me.

Edited

i asked for budget because one time previously they moaned about x meal costing x price, so to prevent miscommunication i tried to ask for concrete answers

OP posts:
CowboyBuilders · Yesterday 18:49

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:35

its more a weekly catchup and they offered to begin with and even if i offer they still say its there treat so then i wanted specifics so in theory i didnt take the biscuit, all i expected was why give an answer that apparently grants permission, and then retrospectively apply a restriction that was never communicated?

Enough people have explained to you. Take a read of the replies and maybe learn from it. Maybe friends feel sorry for you so treat you weekly, but didn't expect you to take the piss.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:49

Boomer55 · Yesterday 18:48

If someone else is paying, over ordering is just greedy.

but then not answering truthfully is also rude

OP posts:
MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:50

CowboyBuilders · Yesterday 18:49

Enough people have explained to you. Take a read of the replies and maybe learn from it. Maybe friends feel sorry for you so treat you weekly, but didn't expect you to take the piss.

but from my point of view if i ask a question why then do i need to read between the lines and second guess their answer ?

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · Yesterday 18:50

It wouldn't bother me if someone ordered two potatoes, as long as it was in budget.

murasaki · Yesterday 18:50

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:49

but then not answering truthfully is also rude

Some people feel awkward when put on the spot by a cheeky person.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:51

MoistVonL · Yesterday 18:48

Because socialised humans, once they've reached adulthood, have learned to navigate social conversations, barring disability.

They are treating you to a meal. Therefore you order one (modestly priced) meal from the menu. You don't order sirloin steak, you don't order 4 portions of a side dish like chips, you don't order two things listed as a meal.

Your friend commented because in ordering two separate things it looks like you are taking the piss and not following the spirit of what they were offering.

Their reply to your question wasn't "spend £20 of my money", it was "choose something from the menu to eat."

This is something you need to learn, not something your kind friend did wrong.

but then by social convention people should not need to read between the lines and second guess what you ask with what they say

OP posts:
CowboyBuilders · Yesterday 18:51

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:50

but from my point of view if i ask a question why then do i need to read between the lines and second guess their answer ?

Ask them that question

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:51

murasaki · Yesterday 18:50

Some people feel awkward when put on the spot by a cheeky person.

but then cheeky is subjective depending on the people and context etc

OP posts:
PeachesSansCream · Yesterday 18:51

You sound awful, how ungrateful! Why have you never treated them?!

category12 · Yesterday 18:51

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:50

but from my point of view if i ask a question why then do i need to read between the lines and second guess their answer ?

Because this is how people are.

If you like your friend and enjoy seeing them, buy the meals next time.

Newbutoldfather · Yesterday 18:51

@MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe ,

I am at least half on your side. I don’t see why it would be better to order one meal at £19.99 than two £7 potatoes (say). I think some people just think it odd, as they lack appetite (and imagination).

But I (and many other people I think) are curious about why she pays every time. I don’t mean whether she offers (as she clearly does), but why? Normally, unless there is a huge difference in wealth, friends take turns. Is she much older/wealthier than you, so it is a different dynamic to a friendship between equals.

CowboyBuilders · Yesterday 18:52

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:51

but then cheeky is subjective depending on the people and context etc

Are you bored tonight?

AMurderofMurderingCrows · Yesterday 18:52

PeachesSansCream · Yesterday 18:51

You sound awful, how ungrateful! Why have you never treated them?!

You sound awful. What a horrid reply.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:52

DeftGoldHedgehog · Yesterday 18:50

It wouldn't bother me if someone ordered two potatoes, as long as it was in budget.

that was my point, and why i asked what was budget and could i order what i wanted and got told yes, i didnt see why i had to second guess their answers when im ment to trust etc

OP posts:
murasaki · Yesterday 18:52

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:49

i asked for budget because one time previously they moaned about x meal costing x price, so to prevent miscommunication i tried to ask for concrete answers

OK, so assuming you're not going to pay next time, which I imagine is the case, ask a good question. Is it ok to order two lunches if it comes under budget.

But they will feel uncomfortable and probably say yes. It does not mean they are happy. As people do that to avoid conflict.

MrsOctaviaCharlotteSmythe · Yesterday 18:53

CowboyBuilders · Yesterday 18:52

Are you bored tonight?

no just puzzled with people and social aspects at times

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