AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

I think you are pissed off with your husband

I think you like to have holidays without your step children but he would prefer all 4

i believe you are telling him to turn off his phone but he’s refusing to

That is extremely unfair based on what we have been told. He has not left his children in the lurch. Their mother has. The children have had a perfectly acceptable amount of holidays planned for them and did the exact same holiday last year without their half siblings. They are not hard done by.
This is their mother’s problem. They are away and cannot come back unless someone is in hospital.

Umm. They didn’t take my children either. Selfish bastards.

I think he needs to bailing her out then.
If the decision was it's best for the children to have them only 10 days a week then she needs to get her shit together when she has them. She surely would know a year at least in advance of the school term dates and presumably checks in advance which weeks the children are with their dad.
It sounds like he didn't need to pay for the childcare but did so not to cause an issue. I think he needs to put in boundaries (but then be prepared for a court case and custody to be court ordered).

Their dad didn't do anything wrong.
Their mum did by not booking the holiday club.

So presumably she'll be handing the money for the club back?

I can’t imagine going to Disney with babies who would barely appreciate it, and leave ideal age kids at home. Even if they went last year.

That aside, YANBU re the childcare.

I do think your DH should have just booked the earlier week himself rather than transferring money to her. But that having been done, I can’t fathom why the childcare fell to you for the week rather than either parent.

Their Mum does sound like a disorganised drama llama and disorganised people do piss me off. I think the whole arrangement is too fluid for your circumstances - when there’s a flakey disorganised person involved, arrangements need to be much less flexible (ironically) so they know they will be stuck with their own consequences.

But why?? They went last year, the other 2 didn’t. They have had a turn. And may well get another a different year. Like it or not this is two separate (but linked) families. This is one of the complications and challenges of blended/divorced families.

Sure

but don’t make out he also prefers some holidays without your step kids just his kids with you and not his other children - which is what you said

Yet when that child was about 15 months old, you conceived your DC1.

Crazy Ex is a common phenomenon. It's a red flag.

I was going to say this! I assumed she had done it! Straight into OP’s person spends, not to the husband who got on with work as normal.

Indeed

She is messaging you both an not just your DH?

How long are you in Disney for (Paris?)

I think in this scenario, just your phone goes off, his stays on for emergencies and he absorbs the stress of telling her no and ignoring excessive messages without bothering you about it.

If they went before is a bit different from if you’ve taken them before. Her dh took the older two, without the younger two, so they could do all their fun things. You really can’t get much more fair than that. Are you really saying ‘fine, so dh takes the older two on holiday on his own, and you take all 4 together, and their mum takes them on holiday, but you absolutely do not get to take your younger two on their own? That’s just bananas, and it’s not good parenting.

It would be unreasonable to come home to cover childcare but why aren’t your DH’s kids on holiday with you anyhow?

Other people's lives are wild. I can't even imagine dating someone who had a 15month old never mind conceiving a baby to them. Presumably then dating started much sooner.. How old was this tiny baby when they started dating?! Wasn't that a bit off putting?

@KitsyWitsy

They are missing out on this holiday though. If their dad is on holiday, then they should be with him imo. Saying that they want time just their own kids and them is so sad. I was an older stepchild too. It fucking sucks. Poor kids.

@Zanatdy

I wouldn’t be cutting my holiday short no. But as a parent of DC from different relationships (all grown up now) not a chance i’d go to Disney without 2, especially when they are 6 & 8yrs old. I’d feel awful and could not do it. Maybe men are different. Would you go to Disney with only some of your bio kids if you split and went on to have more kids?

So by your logic when the DH took the older two to Disney last year, he should have taken the younger two as well, no? And if not, why not? They're all his bio kids and he was on holiday so...

I take my own children away separately sometimes because they are different ages and like different things. It's the same scenario here, the older ones went with their parent and got to do older things like rides etc, now the parent is taking the younger ones to enjoy the characters before they all go on holiday together.

I took my DDs to Disneyland and my DS's to Spain in the same year. Then we went on a caravan holiday all together. They all lived with me and no one had any issues with it.

The Mum is in the wrong here. I seriously doubt she'd cut her own holiday short because the OPs DH didn't sort childcare.

I also note you don't seem to have an issue with the OPs children not going with the DH last time, so why do you have an issue with him not taking his other DC this time?

He hardly left them in the lurch! He gave money to their mother to book childcare, only she “forgot”! Kept the money as well by the look of it.

Don’t understand all the negative and nasty comments to the OP. She said they have previously taken the older two to Disneyland as they particularly enjoy the rides and don’t want to be tied by toddlers and nap times. Makes absolute sense. Also explained they are going on a holiday at the end of August with all 4 children. OP sounds like a great step parent and like they genuinely care. Really don’t get why so many people are being dicks. I wouldn’t cut the holiday short. Just pop phones on silent and check every now and again. Sounds like she is just trying her luck or perhaps her work have got fed up with her if this is a regular occurrence?

Preach! All the single child free men out there and OP chooses the one with two toddlers at home, then gets pregnant within months herself. Absolutely wild. This guy must be Odysseus.

2 year gap between his youngest with her and your eldest? Goodness, this is a ripe scenario for issues. Not great.

No, I don’t think he should come home from holiday early for this.

Yes. Probably somewhere else as I think the younger ones were probably too young for it. He has FOUR children. Not two.