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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

439 replies

UnhealthierWhy · Yesterday 12:20

This is not our problem ???

We are on holiday currently with our 2 dc (2 and 4) (Disney Paris) due back home on Wednesday. Dh has 2 older dc from previous marriage (6 and 8).

He gave his ex money for holiday childcare which she ‘forgot’ to book the first week so I had to look after dc which was fine as dh had work. Next week her mum was going to have the dc but is now unwell. She is telling dh he needs to come home early to have the dc as she can’t take the time off.

She is constantly messaging and calling and we are considering just turning our phones off if she continues pestering us this way.

This seems to be a regular thing with her not arranging childcare and then expecting us to rescue the situation which we try to accomodate if we can but this is the first time we’ve said no.

OP posts:
Sartre · Yesterday 13:23

Kingdomofsleep · Yesterday 13:19

She cheated on him when she had a newborn? That seems unusual

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Agreed, seems suspicious to me too.

Wajeehakamran · Yesterday 13:24

I can understand why you're frustrated, especially if this keeps happening. But I’d be careful about switching off completely, as there are children involved. It’s reasonable to enjoy your holiday while still making sure the childcare situation is properly dealt with between the adults.

PineappleAndGrapefruitLilt · Yesterday 13:27

Anyone else wonder what women like this (the ex, not the OP) do with themselves once the kids involved are too old to be used as weapons against the other parent?

Zanatdy · Yesterday 13:28

I wouldn’t be cutting my holiday short no. But as a parent of DC from different relationships (all grown up now) not a chance i’d go to Disney without 2, especially when they are 6 & 8yrs old. I’d feel awful and could not do it. Maybe men are different. Would you go to Disney with only some of your bio kids if you split and went on to have more kids?

TheOnlyWayIsIlford · Yesterday 13:30

She has options.
Take AL, take emergency leave etc
Ask her Dp to take leave
Talk to her friends with similar aged kids - we had a network of local friends and would take kids for a day to cover this sort of thing
Call the holiday clubs and see if they have a cancellation
Hope her Mum gets better

To be super helpful could your DH do Thu / Fri after you get back?

But no, YANBU to not cut short your holiday.

RoseField1 · Yesterday 13:32

knottywig · Yesterday 12:45

My personal view is that your husband came as a package deal, which you knew about when you got together with him, whether that was whilst he was married or not. You shouldn’t be excluding them from any holiday whether they went last year or not. So I think both you and your DH are BU!

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This is ridiculous. As long as all DC get similar opportunities there is no reason they all have to do everything together.

Snoutywoofs · Yesterday 13:33

FookFookFook · Yesterday 12:59

I can’t get past you going to Disney without the 6 and 8 year old! She’s unreasonable to expect you to go back now you are there but not half as unreasonable as you were to go without them regardless of if they went before. They are 6 and 8!

RTFT. He took the other 2 to Disney separately so they can do older child things like rides, without the younger 2’s need for naps and small children activities.

RoseField1 · Yesterday 13:33

Zanatdy · Yesterday 13:28

I wouldn’t be cutting my holiday short no. But as a parent of DC from different relationships (all grown up now) not a chance i’d go to Disney without 2, especially when they are 6 & 8yrs old. I’d feel awful and could not do it. Maybe men are different. Would you go to Disney with only some of your bio kids if you split and went on to have more kids?

They took the older two last year separately...

Sartre · Yesterday 13:34

PineappleAndGrapefruitLilt · Yesterday 13:27

Anyone else wonder what women like this (the ex, not the OP) do with themselves once the kids involved are too old to be used as weapons against the other parent?

I think she feels bitter he moved on and got someone else pregnant a year after their baby was born.

FookFookFook · Yesterday 13:35

Snoutywoofs · Yesterday 13:33

RTFT. He took the other 2 to Disney separately so they can do older child things like rides, without the younger 2’s need for naps and small children activities.

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I did! And I still think they are bloody unreasonable to leave a 6 and 8 year old behind! People telling me to read when they can’t!

Bollihobs · Yesterday 13:35

Cannedlaughter · Yesterday 12:30

You don’t end your holiday early but I don’t understand why the children aren’t with you. That’s sad.

Given what a pain their mother is being can you imagine the fuss she'd make about OP and DH having them outside their allocated time? It's not as easy as just including them if one parent is always all about the drama.

OP I'd get DH to send one last message saying that you've given your answer and no further response will be made. And book the arrangements yourselves from now on with a specific note to any organisers that only DH can alter or cancel them once booked not the ExW.

MyDeftDuck · Yesterday 13:36

Switch off your phones and enjoy your holiday! DH made provision beforehand for childcare, not your responsibility to jump through hoops for her.

Franklinlove · Yesterday 13:38

Are you asking because your DP is considering doing this and you are pissed off with him and how he handles his ex?

Bollihobs · Yesterday 13:38

FookFookFook · Yesterday 13:35

I did! And I still think they are bloody unreasonable to leave a 6 and 8 year old behind! People telling me to read when they can’t!

Edited
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Lucky you if you've never dealt with a PITA ex. it's not as simple as "we'll take the older DC's too" You think she wouldn't be awkward about that too??

BMW58 · Yesterday 13:39

I reckon she's not "flakey" but doing it deliberately just to scupper your holiday.

Turn your phones off.

If she genuinely is "flakey" then perhaps she needs to learn the hard way to organise herself better because you won't keep bailing her out.

Brucebogtrotter257 · Yesterday 13:40

Her lack of preparation does not become your emergency.

Pipiscoming2023 · Yesterday 13:40

People are SO weird. She doesn’t have to take all 4 kids if she doesn’t want to and she shouldn’t have to bloody defend herself. Maybe they can’t afford to bring another 2 kids along. They went last year anyway! Some posters need to get off their high horses, it’s weird 😂

AnonyMumAuDHD · Yesterday 13:40

UnhealthierWhy · Yesterday 12:46

Just in case there’s an emergency

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Can I assume there is a grandparent or sibling in the UK? If there is text her that you are on holiday, uncontactable, but in the case of a life threatening emergency she can contact grandma, who will then call you.

Hereafter, I would use that dedicate app that parents use and remove all direct text contact.

And as others say, she owes your DH the money for the kids club, or he informs her that he considers it an advance and will deduct it from next months CMS.

Franklinlove · Yesterday 13:41

UnhealthierWhy · Yesterday 12:33

They went last year. We do like to have some holidays with just our dc alone and then a separate one with all dc

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HE would prefer to have all 4 on all holidays.

And if he doesn’t, then that’s shit

Sartre · Yesterday 13:41

Bollihobs · Yesterday 13:38

Lucky you if you've never dealt with a PITA ex. it's not as simple as "we'll take the older DC's too" You think she wouldn't be awkward about that too??

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Since Op’s ex took them abroad last year, I’m inclined to say she wouldn’t be bothered.

BMW58 · Yesterday 13:42

FookFookFook · Yesterday 13:35

I did! And I still think they are bloody unreasonable to leave a 6 and 8 year old behind! People telling me to read when they can’t!

Edited
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Did the ex and her new partner take OP's children to Spain with them?

Sartre · Yesterday 13:42

Pipiscoming2023 · Yesterday 13:40

People are SO weird. She doesn’t have to take all 4 kids if she doesn’t want to and she shouldn’t have to bloody defend herself. Maybe they can’t afford to bring another 2 kids along. They went last year anyway! Some posters need to get off their high horses, it’s weird 😂

Maybe he should take all 4 kids though because he made the frankly bizarre decision to impregnate someone a year after having a baby with his ex. 4 kids in 6 years with 2 women is wild.

Sartre · Yesterday 13:43

BMW58 · Yesterday 13:42

Did the ex and her new partner take OP's children to Spain with them?

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Why would they? OP’s children aren’t hers!

KitsyWitsy · Yesterday 13:43

BMW58 · Yesterday 13:42

Did the ex and her new partner take OP's children to Spain with them?

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Think a bit more about this....

Original poster
UnhealthierWhy · Yesterday 13:43

MiaKulper · Yesterday 13:10

Your DH had your DC1 (his DC3) when his DC2 was 2 years old?
Wow!

His ex cheated from before she was pregnant with their youngest. He didn’t even know until testing was done if it was his child or not it was an awful situation.

OP posts:
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