AIBU to refuse to cut short our holiday for childcare?

If the children are meant to be with you… then arranging cover is very much your responsibility

This ex… well, we have a litany of crimes. Affair with two teeny tiny babies
Upped sticks and moved far away
Stamping her feet and demanding ex cancels holiday
oh and spends childcare money on…. A night out with girlfriends no doubt will be reported.

I don’t know… maybe I’m just a tiny bit skeptical these days

It’s clearly been discussed with his ex that she would have them. So that IS arranging cover. She has also clearly accepted the money…

Oh yes… it’s another one of her crimes. Probably spent on getting drunk with friends or drugs. But definitely not the children

Who knows. But she didn’t spend it on its intended purpose we know that much.

Itchysidefoot
Why should he provide money for childcare even though it was not for time they were meant to be with him?
Same reason OP was looking after them even though it was not his time to have them: because he and his new wife, unlike their mother, have his children's welfare high in their priorities. perhaps?

Or as OP wrote, "Yes it was her time so she should have really sorted it out but we thought it was better to just help."

er, yes, which is why the ex failing to do so and dumping them on his new wife might be seen as a failing in the EX rather than in the husband.

Blimey, you really are scraping the barrel for spurious excuses to be nasty about this man, aren't you.

The Op has done nothing wrong. Nothing.

Her husband though…. He should have booked time off when his children were either him for the 10 days a month they are and not left it to his partner, the Op (already looking after two very small children)

For me he lost respect when the op said he preferred to have some holidays as a family unit with the Op and his younger two children without his older two present.

Sure I can understand the Op wanting this
their father? No

If it had been at a time he was meant to be looking after the children, yes, he should have booked leave.

Which bit of "it was her time" are you reading as "it was his time"?

Essentially i think he has presented his ex as a baddie through and through with no redeeming features whereas he is nothing but pure goodness - and I simply don’t believe it is as black and white as that.

Not when it’s involving a man with a 6 year old and a 4 year old with two different women

I think you may have missed the OP saying she has known her now-husband since well before his divorce; she would therefore have been a witness to his ex's behaviour and have no need to take the cuckolded husband's word for what went on or how his ex behaved.

As she said, "We had been friends for years."

I don't believe it is black and white either, but I certainly don't go along with a narrative that the husband is a total liar and his wife a credulous idiot.

I have no doubt that they knew each other well before the divorce.

Were OP's children 'second class citizens' when he took his older kids on holiday without his younger ones?

I do love the innuendo and snideness, but I think it's time I stopped bothering with you now.

Fair dos

95% of the vote agrees with OP. It's just a handful of VERY vocal posters who keep repeating themselves that make the thread look otherwise.

@UnhealthierWhy already said the 2 older kids went with their mum and her br last year, would you also insist they should have taken op’s 2 and 4 yr old?

Well that would be odd given neither of those adults are related to the OP’s children

But the kids are all related aren’t they, op isn’t related to the older 2 she’s cared for them already to help their mum. Ops kids should miss out cos the other mum hasn’t organised any alternative care for her time with her own children, op has already said the older kids got the Disney experience first with their dad. What about ops kids makes them lesser?

Would you want your two very young children heading off with two adults… neither of whom related to?

Would you feel comfortable taking two very young children on holiday, neither of whom you were related to?

No child is lesser than the other.

My point is… bizarre analogy to say that it’s no different from the ex and her
boyfriend not taking the OP’s children. Bizarre

So randomly the ex said give me money for childcare? Even though he wasn’t even due to see his children?

Contributing towards childcare isn’t helping OP. His ex isn’t the primary parent, or at least shouldn’t be seen as such. He made the children, he should fund at least 50% of their costs.

Im sick of men moving on quickly, having more kids and feeling like a hero for paying for basic costs. And their next partners not seeing that this could easily be them.