Discovered messages between DP and someone else

Definitely cheating. I soooo hope you dump him when he gets home, do it in style, you deserve better xx

'I want to confront him but don’t want to be seen as over reacting.'

FFS.

My ex husband got caught doing this several times over the course of our 12 year marriage. He would turn it on me for snooping.
The best day of my life was when I left the bastard.
He has never been in a relationship with any of those women he had stints of messaging in this manner since we divorced. I think he was stroking his ego. But in the end I could not bare to be near him. LEAVE NOW. It wont get any better.

Would they have those conversations on their work accounts that their employer could see? If not, why not?

I don't know whether it's cheating as everyone's boundary is in a different place, but it's utterly inappropriate and he's bang out of order.

You make it sound as though it's an acceptable and normal thing to do!

Perhaps a lot of men in offices do indulge in sexual banter with women colleagues but that just means a lot of men in offices are disrespectful, disloyal cheaters.

And possibly it's not a physical affair . Yet. But you have no way of knowing what physical contact they have had, or what these messages will lead to.

You can hide yourself.

Oh gosh how awful

Don’t you think her partner/husband deserves to know? So he can decide with full info whether this is a relationship he wants to stay in, or not?

So often on MN we hear the hurt of women who find out that not only was their DH cheating, but other people knew and didn’t tell them, leaving them to feel foolish and betrayed not only by DH but by the others around them too who let them carry on believing they were in an honest, loving marriage. And then blindsided when the cheating is found out.

I don’t think it’s cheating but it is massively disrespectful to you.

maybe its just talk/flirty talk and he has no intent to act on it but still he shouldn’t be doing it.

to add, he deffo isn’t having sex in the back of the car with her 😂😂

They both sound disgusting.

Lady spray?😕

That is splitting the hair mighty fine.

I’m going to slightly go against what others have said here. It seems to me that she’s the instigator in sending flirty messages & then he is responding. Yes, the messages are definitely out of line and I would 100% pull him up on them, but I don’t think I would end a relationship over this.

Im petty so I'd screenshot it and send it to her husband. But definitely confront your DH.

The first one I might be able to write of as him feeling awkward and just being as noncommittal until she goes away…i would still be upset about it, but i might be able to forgive ans let it go…
the second though that blows that out of the water. he’s just as bad as her and they are both so inappropriate. i’m sorry OP

This is not normal workplace banter. She is testing the water, and he is reciprocating. This is cheating

Those messages would be relationship ending for me, but I have a low tolerance these days having been burned before.

Ick and double Ick. I’d feel sick if I came across those messages.

You’ve got time on your hands, Think about where you want to go from here. Do you think you could trust him going forward? If not, start getting your ducks in a row.

But he hasn’t done anything to close them down. He could have not responded, or asked Suzy to stop:sending the inappropriate messages.

Sorry about this OP. I’d be monitoring the account until Sunday and have plans a foot to not be at home when he comes back on Sunday but I’m a nosey fucker and want to know what the A hole was doing. The trust would be destroyed for me if I found messages like this. Like you have seen no signs his behaviour has changed despite him being an emotional cheater so how are you going to be feeling when he goes to work every day, or has to work late or go on trips! You’ve done nothing wrong OP in this so I’m sorry it has happened to you!

This sounds like a good idea. You could say some woman has called you, saying your DP is having an affair and see your DP's reaction.
Whatever, you decide, he'll definitely try to ly his way out.

The messages do sound like your DP wouldn't hesitate to start an affair with this woman if he was given the chance.

The messages are already suggestive and disgusting, so what would stop them from taking things further and having an affair.

I would, without question...and he was definitely fishing in that second message.

This would be relationship ending for me

Christ alive! What a low bar you have for male behaviour - almost knocking on the door of Satan himself! Pathetic...

I’m so sorry OP. What do you want to happen now? If you want to end the relationship then figure out the safest and best way for you to do so and do that. Your focus should be solely on what is best for you.

If you want to stay with him then on what terms? Figure those out before you speak to him. Again, your focus should be what’s best for you

I’m sorry OP, I’m generally pretty relaxed as I like a bit of bants myself but this isn’t banter - it’s icky, explicitly sexual- totally inappropriate. There’s no way anyone would write that without the intention to have sex with the other person.

For me I’d be ending it over text now, he doesn’t deserve the courtesy of an in person conversation. Ugh.

If they haven’t cheated yet, they will. It may not be immediate, but it will be the Christmas party, a coincidental night out in the same city with different friends and they meet up. I say because I sadly know.

He will try to gas light you when you confront him and get defensive that they’re just “banter” depending on his age and emotional intelligence (and how much he thinks he can manipulate you) but it’s 100% not banter and I’d ignore anyone in this thread saying it’s OK. It’s flirting, it’s overtly sexual, they’re demonic enough to be putting this in writing and it will lead to something more eventually.

Do they work in the same team or same office only? How big is the company? (Not to suggest not being in the same team makes a difference - they might start meeting up for coffee, lunch in a kitchen or both going into town/shops together to buy the above on lunch break)

Im so sorry. He needs to respond to this with an immediate apology, recognise it’s not “just one sided from her” and that’s he IS entertaining it and never speak to her again. Yes that’s all possible to do unless they’re in the same immediate team and even then he can tell her why and stop talking to her. My husband knows to do that and knows I would leave if he didn’t (or cause a bigger scene, who knows!)

Personally? I’m nuts enough to implode once he and send it all to her other half with a simple “I’ve thought long and hard about whether to share this and in the end, thought I’d want to know if it were me”. (I’ve actually received a message from the boyfriend before but sadly no screenshots….)

How long have you been together? Is it serious/long term?