Discovered messages between DP and someone else

Dealbreaker for me. He’s showing you such disrespect.

My dh wouldn't be getting back in the door if I'd found those messages.

What do you want him to say? You have all you need to know right there.

Even if it’s not an affair it’s hugely disrespectful to you to have those conversations with another woman. Will you confront him op? If you do i wouldn’t tell him what you know, id say to him that you have been made aware there’s something going on between him and women and you are giving him an opportunity to be honest and tell you everything. Then see what he says.

I’d wait until he’s back otherwise you are giving him opportunity to get his story straight and delete any evidence

Totally crossed the line. Really inappropriate. Needs to be confronted. But I’d probably now do some actual snooping and see if there’s anything more to it. But it sounds like there isn’t as no reference to actual meet ups or hook ups etc. it needs ending though. Gross.

This OP.

Is he away with friends???

I think someone else on this thread had the right idea. Pack up his stuff, put it somewhere he can get it, make it so he can't get back in and then message him to say that you found all of his messages with name and his stuff is waiting for collection in whatever place. Thank God he has so much room in the back of his car for it all.

Have you screenshotted them or taken a picture with your phone?

I don’t think I could fully hold it in but if photo everything and message him in the morning to say he needs to get home if he wants any chance of saving our marriage. I’m not sure it would be salvageable though. The level of disrespect to speak to another woman like that crosses a line for me, but I’m in a financial position I could tell him to fuck off. You may need time to get things in order in which case play the long game.

I'd be tempted to send him the screenshots with no message or comment. Hopefully he'll spend the weekend shitting himself!

Seriously, these messages cross a line. I'm all for jokey banter with colleagues but this is straight forward flirting and you can see where it's going.

If you’re getting ready to figuratively punch someone in the face, you don’t want them to know that they’re about to be punched. Texting him now gives him time to get his ducks in a row re: his story. Unless you don’t live together and your text is literally a screenshot of the texts, followed by “You’re dumped.”

Otherwise, keep your powder dry for the next few days and wait until he’s a rabbit in the headlights to confront him. Don’t give him the option to prepare beforehand.

I would screenshot the messages & forward to his friends and family and if you can get some intel on her partner -copy him in with a tagline that following his utter disrespect for me and our relationship we are no longer together . I think you’ll all agree he has lost a gem and join me in wishing him and his new partner lots of happy times in the back of the new Audi ‘
Leave with your head held high - you know your worth .

What a blow for you, OP.

I know very well how hard it is to think about what to do - the relationship's been good, maybe this means nothing in the greater scheme of things, wan everything back the way it was before. Been there, wasted years of gradual confidence erosion on 'not throwing away a good thing'.

You can't put it back in the box. Your boyfriend is the one who's thrown away a good thing. The ONLY rational action is to get rid of him as quickly as possible. You don't need to argue, justify or present your evidence. You're not in court, you don't anyone a relationship and you are perfectly free to choose not to pair up with a man who exchanges sleazy messages.

Further thought ... he's away this weekend? Where's Ms Ladyspray?

You are not overreacting. I would be f**king livid if DH was exchanging messages like this with another woman.

Ew get him in the bin those messages are cringe 😬 I am so sorry OP I’d be fuming if I seen those. I wouldn’t text him confront him face to face. Print the screen shots off and hand him them. And just say if you don’t wanna get caught don’t leave your messenger logged into the iPad next time and throw the screen shots at him. I’m petty though. And I’d make myself look a million pounds whilst doing it whilst handing him his bags. Obviously what you do it’s up to you but again I’m petty. Please take care of yourself xx

Dump the fucker. He’s already been there. As for PPs slating the woman…he asked for it with his “what you thinking”. Grim.

I would be grossed out with him forever for 'lady spray' alone. Ew.

Obviously, you're not overreacting.

I’d be doing this! Send the worst screenshots and say nothing.

I once saw something similar on an my ex phone. Destroyed me. It would have been best if I'd never seen it, but what's done is done. It's probably harmless flirting and fantasy but I know how much it hurts. My advice is to mention it, a horrible conversation but don't let it fester x

Screenshot him the messages and then block him