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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Over Nephew's Wedding?

118 replies

MommaGriff · Yesterday 18:57

My gorgeous nephew is getting married (twice) but I have had a falling out with my brother over it. Not sure if I ABU or he is though. Nephew announced wedding last year, getting wed this year, initially registry office with 2 witnesses, with a celebration in September with guests. My sister and I were delighted with the news and received invites for her and her husband and myself and my daughter to September wedding at a large manor house about 7 hours away. 2 day event, ceremony and shindig on the Saturday for around 160 guests, then relaxed 'hangover recovery day' on the Sunday. Accommodation at venue reserved for friends not family. So, sister and I looked at local accommodation. Cheapest was £150 plus per night per person. (£1200 total accommodation) So, we have decided to take a day unpaid from work on Friday, drive to hotel about 45 minutes away from venue for £160 total and then go to wedding, drive home through Saturday night which would mean missing final hour of the night do. The meal is a Greek gyros van and so pretty casual event. So, we sent congrats on May wedding day. Found out that it was a 60 guest event with parents/siblings, the bride's wider family and close friends. Slightly stung but no resentment because everyone should have the wedding they choose.
My sister and I told our brother of travel/accommodation plans for September and he was really angry, suggesting we can't be bothered, saying he won't have anyone to talk to, we will miss everything, we are my Nephew's only family on my brother's side who are invited etc. I feel that with the significant cost and work issues, my sister and I have really tried to do what we can to get there and honestly, if we had been SO integral to the wedding, we would have been invited to the first run. Brother is obviously steaming and dropping comments all the time about hardly seeing us, how we will miss most of the wedding. I genuinely don't think my gorgeous nephew will have a problem. He is so chilled out. But, AIBU? Should I have taken the hit financially? I work in education and so any term-time holiday just isn't possible! Daughter starts secondary school on the Monday too.

OP posts:
Original poster
MommaGriff · Today 11:00

OneNewEagle · Yesterday 21:00

Why weren’t you and your DS invited to the wedding in May?

So, I don't know and don't want to ask really. However, paternal side of Nephew's immediate side is just my brother, my sister, myself, brother in law and my daughter. However, my Nephew's Mum (ex sister in law) is one of 5, who each have lots of children and on the bride's side, this is also extensive. Both parental units are separated with some step relations involved for the bride on top of sisters and their partners. I don't think any aunts/cousins were at the first wedding. My nephew has been with his other half for over 10 years and the groomsmen/bridesmaids have known them both right from their first date. I totally feel that their friends have way more 'history' with the couple. I also believe that the initial registry office plan was not a cover-up, and potentially just became more. Hindsight will possibly show they should have stuck fast to original plan of 'legal bit' followed by traditional celebration but everyone has the day or days they want and can afford and that is not really the issue for me.

OP posts:
Easterchicken · Today 13:17

I don't understand why your accommodation is so high when the accomodation the night before is so cheap

Can't you just get an Uber back to the hotel your staying at the end and miss hangover day as clearly family aren't that important to nephew and his wife as it's reserved only for friends

Original poster
MommaGriff · Today 13:22

Easterchicken · Today 13:17

I don't understand why your accommodation is so high when the accomodation the night before is so cheap

Can't you just get an Uber back to the hotel your staying at the end and miss hangover day as clearly family aren't that important to nephew and his wife as it's reserved only for friends

Edited

I think because King's Lynn is a bit of a bigger place so has the Premier Inn option. Local to the venue it is more independent B&Bs/Air B&B which are more expensive. BIL would rather drive up over Saturday night, he and my sister are secondary school teachers so they, along with my daughter have first day back on Monday.

OP posts:
TheSquareMile · Today 13:44

@MommaGriff

I'm confused, OP!

You said that the event is in Dorset, but have mentioned accommodation in King's Lynn.

JanBlues2026 · Today 13:57

You are not being unreasonable that there is a hell of a journey for you.

I agree with some other posters that maybe staying in a cheap hotel halfway would break up the journey, even if it was just a couple of hours from the venue - you could stay over the night before, have breakfast, get ready and travel the remaining two hours, then you would only have two hours to travel back to that hotel after the wedding and complete the journey in the morning after having a good night sleep. You could even make another stop for lunch on the way home.

HideousKinky · Today 13:58

Why is accommodation at the venue reserved for friends not family?

italianmountains · Today 14:00

Kings Lynn is in North Norfolk, not Dorset. If you were to drive between the two counties it would take between 4 and 5 hours, so I am a little confused. Having travelled the country extensively for work and pleasure, there is always a Premier Inn somewhere and I have never paid more than £250 a room (that sleeps 4 people) and that's usually in major cities when an event is doing on. Travel Lodge even cheaper.

SweatySpider321 · Today 14:13

If your brother is that fussed he can pay for or subsidise the accommodation. £1,200 is ridiculous for accommodation (my whole wedding cost £1,500). He’s lucky you are going at all, as it sounds like a load of nonsense especially the bit about the May wedding.

SweatySpider321 · Today 14:14

italianmountains · Today 14:00

Kings Lynn is in North Norfolk, not Dorset. If you were to drive between the two counties it would take between 4 and 5 hours, so I am a little confused. Having travelled the country extensively for work and pleasure, there is always a Premier Inn somewhere and I have never paid more than £250 a room (that sleeps 4 people) and that's usually in major cities when an event is doing on. Travel Lodge even cheaper.

I assume OP is trying to be discreet but then slipped up mentioning Kings Lynn. I can see why she might want to be -her family don’t come out looking great in this while thing

BeKhakiReader · Today 14:20

Surely you can afford a second night in the cheaper hotel. It’s ridiculous and quite unsafe to do that big drive one day and then again the following night. I think you’re all being a bit petty to make a point and I’d be telling you not to bother coming at all if I was the groom.

Driving through the night won’t leave anyone more refreshed than a sleep and setting off at 8am the next day.

Delphiniumandlupins · Today 14:22

JanBlues2026 · Today 13:57

You are not being unreasonable that there is a hell of a journey for you.

I agree with some other posters that maybe staying in a cheap hotel halfway would break up the journey, even if it was just a couple of hours from the venue - you could stay over the night before, have breakfast, get ready and travel the remaining two hours, then you would only have two hours to travel back to that hotel after the wedding and complete the journey in the morning after having a good night sleep. You could even make another stop for lunch on the way home.

Or even stay in two different hotels, one to split the journey and one nearer the venue, but both sensible prices.

ByUniqueViper · Today 14:22

You've respected their guest choice in May, and their guest accommodation choice in September, so your brother should respect your choices.
He mustve found someone to talk to in May other than you and your sister, so he can do the same again.
Surely there is some closer accommodation than 50 minutes away from the venue though?

outerspacepotato · Today 14:32

as I do believe it is the couple's special day, they should have the event they choose and are paying for.

They had their special day back in May. They've been married for months now.

Spending a ton of money and 14 hours travel the weekend before your daughter starts school just enables entitled people.

Nearly50omg · Today 14:34

A 14 hour drive and a party - it’s not a wedding is it! - the weekend before your child starts school is the last thing she needs!! Put your child first and tell nephew and brother it’s not going to work and their party 7 hours away is ridiculous and you’d have happily come to the wedding in May but you weren’t invited despite being family which should have been prioritised over their drinking mates.

AImportantMermaid · Today 14:37

HideousKinky · Today 13:58

Why is accommodation at the venue reserved for friends not family?

What’s that got to do with the OP’s question? It’s clearly the B&G preference.

Franklinlove · Today 14:44

So if we were all to say you were being unreasonable… what then? By the sounds of it you can’t afford anything more so….

Franklinlove · Today 14:45

italianmountains · Today 14:00

Kings Lynn is in North Norfolk, not Dorset. If you were to drive between the two counties it would take between 4 and 5 hours, so I am a little confused. Having travelled the country extensively for work and pleasure, there is always a Premier Inn somewhere and I have never paid more than £250 a room (that sleeps 4 people) and that's usually in major cities when an event is doing on. Travel Lodge even cheaper.

Yes it’s all a bit sketchy on the truth details isn’t it

Franklinlove · Today 14:53

MommaGriff · Today 13:22

I think because King's Lynn is a bit of a bigger place so has the Premier Inn option. Local to the venue it is more independent B&Bs/Air B&B which are more expensive. BIL would rather drive up over Saturday night, he and my sister are secondary school teachers so they, along with my daughter have first day back on Monday.

Show quote history

Why haven’t you booked accommodation before now? It’s only 3 weeks away

Isthisit22 · Today 14:57

Definitely stay Friday and Saturday night somewhere 2ish hours away. Then you can stay later on the night. Problem solved.

lessglittermoremud · Today 14:59

I think your plan sounds fine, I would just ignore any digs from your brother….
At this time of year most of us don’t have extra cash to splash around after funding holiday childcare, I’ve also just had to kit out one for secondary school (I think my bank account is still crying 🥴)
Your brother is trying to make you feel bad, I’m sure your nephew will appreciate you being there for the main part.

MeridianB · Today 15:03

Sartre · Yesterday 20:58

You’re basically an evening only guest so unimportant as far as they’re concerned. If they cared about you, you’d have been at the actual ceremony. I realise this is harsh but I can’t stand selfish people like this at all. Weddings should be a celebration of your love surrounded by the people you respect, love and care about. If someone isn’t good enough to be at the ceremony, they shouldn’t be invited to the after party to make up numbers. Genuinely find it insulting.

What’s worse here is they’ve decided to have what is essentially the reception months after the proper ceremony and it’s all the way down at the bottom of the country when their family are presumably based up north? A 7 hour drive is hellish plus the cost for the hotel, I just wouldn’t be bothering.

I’m afraid I agree with this. Two big wedding events months apart feels grabby. And an expensive stay (why were only friends offered discounted rooms?) plus 14 hours of driving is nuts.

Your brother is being very unreasonable- maybe he sees how silly the wedding events are and is embarrassed. Maybe he is caught up in the entitlement.

SunnyRedSnail · Today 15:06

MommaGriff · Today 13:22

I think because King's Lynn is a bit of a bigger place so has the Premier Inn option. Local to the venue it is more independent B&Bs/Air B&B which are more expensive. BIL would rather drive up over Saturday night, he and my sister are secondary school teachers so they, along with my daughter have first day back on Monday.

Show quote history

Kings Lynn is north Cambridgeshire.

The venue is in Dorset?!? That's more than 50 mins...

Just camp somewhere local!

knackeredmumoftwo · Today 15:09

This is a bit of a sideways post but if you're near Kings Lynn and that's my neck of the woods then there are lots of lovely camping spots with mobile Homes etc which may work out cheaper and closer to the venue- pm me if I can help

grasslooksdead · Today 15:09

Would you want to stay for two nights if you could find anything for far less than £1200? If so, have you thought outside the box, rather than just hotels? Dorset is a holiday place. Depending on where the venue is, you could stay in a caravan for example in Haven, Rockley Park, Poole. Or you could probably rent an AirBnb for 4 of you for two nights for around £600. I don't suppose you want to mention the venue, but if you did, someone might have suggestions for cheaper accommodation.

Of course, if you all want to only stay one night, then your brother will just have to suck it up.

Edited to ask if I have misunderstood where the September event is being held.

wotsitallfor · Today 15:19

Two nights in a cheap hotel as close to the venue as you can afford 1-2 hours away.

drive most of the way Friday, sleep. dress in finery and drive last bit Saturday. Stay for full wedding and head off at end, good sleep and back on the way ready for school on Monday.

I do think leaving early to drive through the night a bit dramatic.