AIBU Over Nephew's Wedding?

OP, if the family were important you would have been invited in may.
I wouldn't dream of putting myself through that effort and cost the weekend befor my child goes to school.
You will all be exhausted.

Yes they do. The legal part doesn’t usually involve 7 bridesmaids and groomsmen and 60 guests.

@SleepyHollowed84 my daughter’s intimate legal ceremony was just 4 people . The couple and the two mums as witnesses . It was lovely .

@MommaGriff If the premier inn is 50 minutes nearer to home then personally I would stay in the expensive hotel on the Friday night and the premier inn on the Saturday as the home journey would be 6 rather than 7 hours.

If the PI is not nearer to home then I would reverse this.

WRT your brother - he is being a bit of a dick but there maybe more to this I.e. he hasn’t had much input and thinks you are not 100% committed because you didn’t go to the Civil Ceremony and you are not staying in the Manor House - he had no control over this and is slightly embarrassed,

As you say your nephew is lovely and weddings are a big family event I would use the PI to make it feasible for you to stay to the 3nd. Plus who ever is driving is going to be knackered doing two 7 hour drives in 36 ish hours.

Another option is booking a PI 2 hours closer to home so you only have 5 hours on the Sunday.

I can’t believe you are considering a 7 hour drive at 9pm at night.
Personally I’d drive 4 hours and stay somewhere half way, sleep the night and finish the rest of journey on Sunday.

Tbh, I’d not go, dd starting school is much more important. Dn has shown you were you are in the pecking order, and I think he’s taking the piss. It’s not a wedding, it’s a party. The wedding has been and gone.

Way too much time, money and disruption for a party.

Can you not afford to stay the two nights in a two nand a double?

So yo u expect BIL to drive 7 hours Friday, get up at a sensible time Saturday for the wedding then drive from 9 pm - 4 am.

Honestly I think THAT is utterly unreasonable

I wouldn’t go. Also, why do you keep calling him your “gorgeous nephew”? 🤢

….this ! If you mattered that much to your brother and were his only family there you would have been invited in May. Who did he talk to there then ? Hes being totally selfish with all the effort you are putting in to going. BTW what does your BIL think about it after all he’s the one doing all the driving ? Can he not explain the logistics to him ?

I wouldn't even go. It's not even their real wedding. I would've made the effort for their real wedding. My whole wedding was 60 people total and it really wasn't that small.

If you can only afford to stay one night - I’d 100% stay on the night of the wedding. Getting up early to drive there for 12pm is a million times better than driving all through the night. Plus you can enjoy the day after event too.

I’m sure there’ll be a country pub or service station on the way to the wedding you can get changed in - get changed an hour or so before you arrive if it’s remote.

I also wouldn't go. Do people really have two "weddings" now one after the other? You are perfectly entitled to be miffed at not being invited to the real wedding. Your daughter has a big day on the Monday, it's a long drive involving you taking unpaid leave, and your brother is still being arsey about it. Your nephew won't be that bothered one way or another. Just skip it OP.

I actually just wouldn’t go to this. It’s not the actual wedding - it’s just a party seven hours away at a really inconvenient time of year. It’s more important to them that their friends are staying over than family so I really wouldn’t waste all that time, money, and effort just to be a second tier guests.

You’d be better off offering to take them for a nice meal when you see them next, or just sending a nice gift. Your brother can huff and puff as much as he wants but it’s not his call.

If family were that important they’d have invited you to the actual 60 guest wedding.

If family were that important they’d have allocated accommodation at the venue for the (unnecessary) additional reception.

As they’ve done neither I’d tell your brother you’re clearly not that important, it’s too far/complicated/expensive and not go.

They already had a 60 guest wedding, now a 100 guest party, what next a 200 guest event next year? It’s ridiculous why people can’t just get married and be done with it.

They lied about the actual ceremony in May. I just wouldn’t go. Both the Brde and Groom had a say in who to invite at that. Your brother survived the May wedding all on his lonesome he can survive again. Awful behaviour on their parts, all of them.

They are relying on the old blood is thicker than water angle, blood can clot and kill you so bugger them.

My view would be if your brother is so bothered you’re there then the accommodation on site should have been reserved for family…..

if he didn’t do this then this in all on him now really amd he has to accept whatever you choose.

OP 60 guests with 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen is not intimate by any stretch That is not an excuse for not having you at the original wedding...sack it off !

But, this isn’t actually a wedding…

Do what suits you OP. Sounds like you’re only missing the final 2h of the wedding party and the “hangover recovery day” nonsense anyway?
Your DD is the same age as mine if she is starting secondary and I don’t think she’d last until 11pm at a wedding anyway- and i would want her to have a proper nights sleep on the Sunday too.
You could look for an Airbnb or premier inn again to stay the Saturday night though to avoid such a long drive home after a whole day at a wedding. If it was close enough you pop back in to say goodbye on Sunday morning but I don’t think that’s essential when you live so far away.

I would be annoyed about the “intimate wedding” of 60 guests too. My brother and SIL did the two wedding thing but their actual ceremony was them and 2 witnesses so nobody was annoyed!

It’s not though when you have to leave home at 4am to get there in time and have nowhere to get changed before the wedding!

A lot of people from different religious backgrounds, have to be legally married, in a U.K. register office, as well as their religious ceremony, (my sibling and in laws did) but I take it the op isn’t talking about that here…

personally I’d look for somewhere halfway, so the drive wouldn’t be as long, for your brother in law.

At my wedding (which was 70 people incidentally and not at all intimate) my aunt announced (rather crossly) that she and my cousins didn’t like discos so they left at 8pm. It wasn’t a big deal - up to them. They lived just under an hour away. Although we did feel slightly sorry for my cousins who were 19 and 16 at the time and I suspect would have quite liked to stay for the party.

To be kind to your brother I suspect that your nephew - lovely as he is - has completely prioritised his friends and at the first wedding your brother barely knew a soul and felt out of place. Which must be a difficult experience at your own child’s wedding. Having you and your sister there would solve it this. But it isn’t your problem to solve - it is a discussion for him to have with his son,