To get so stressed about my kids’ car behaviour

These remind me of the pillow wall my dad had to builddown the middle of a double bed my brother and I had to share on holiday. Too much kicking, too little sleep on the first night.

You're ignoring all the posts about getting locks/attachments for the buckles so they can't be opened.

I found a good emergency brake stopped the unbuckling. Don't go to fast when you do it though as they literally do go flying

https://www.amazon.co.uk/seat-belt-buckle-guard/s?k=seat+belt+buckle+guard

Just plan a couple of really exciting trips for them (not chores or paid for so it doesn't matter if you don't make it.). Tell them they have to behave in the car or you will have to come home. They kick off (even slightly) turn around, come home. They undo their seatbelts, pull over as soon as you can safely, sit until they do them.up again, and then turn around and come home. Repeat until they get the message..fucking around cuts the journey/trip short.

If it helps, open a letter in front of them, shake your head and say "oh no, you behaviour has been reported, we need to make sure you are safe in the car or we may get fined by the police".

At 5 and 3 they should both still be in multi-point harness seats, which are harder to open and you can put locks on like a PP linked to.

The 5 yr old might be tall enough to be on a buckle booster, but if he can't be trusted then he goes back into his proper car seat

You are coming across as rather resistant to the suggestions people are making, OP - you can't not drive, you can't just turn round, you have to go out, one DC doesn't heed consequences for doing something that is a threat to the life of their sibling.. And your child should be in big trouble for shouting at you, if they aren't already.

There's a different way of looking at this, and that's to flip from 'it's all too difficult' to 'This is a battle I'm going to win because I'm the parent.'

Have you tried the absolute nuclear approach.

show him the crash test dummy videos of a child flying through the windscreen and tell him he is risking his brothers life.

this isnt a situation for explaining. Death is finite - there’s no second chances. and he’s risking it for him, his brother and you.

Agree that it sounds like the 5 year old needs to be scared a little, possibly through talk of the police.

And you have to stop if he unbuckles himself or his brother, regardless of where you are going. Perhaps a detour to the police station if he doesn't get the message. I'm sure one of them would actually speak to him.

You can get seatbelt guards for normal seatbelt style buckles as well as harnesses. So get a seatbelt buckle guard.

Or are you not actually interested in doing anything actively about this?

Presuming they're both forward facing, I'd be getting an ERF seat for the 3yr old - facing in opposite directions might distract them from each other. Mine are 6 and 3 and can't really see each other as the 3yr old is rear facing. The besafe belt collector is also (I think - may need to double check) approved in crash testing to keep the buckles closed. You can also try supergluing some of the rough bit of velcro to the buckles - makes it much less attractive for them to press down on! But remember and keep a glove for yourself in the car

A 3 year old and a 5 year old don't have the capacity to understand a police person in the same way that an older child might. Especially if they don't obey their parent.

If they start playing up, all you can do is stop and not go again until they behave and/or are strapped firmly back in again. If they don't behave you turn and go back home.

Kind of even better then. Accept that (even if you are desperate to get home) pull over, plug earbuds in and listen to a podcast until they calm down. Plan your routes home differently?

Explain to them you won't take them out on n8ce trips as they cannot behave...you you are restricted to places you can walk to?

As PP suggested, show the older one the crash test dummy video.

Have a stash of entertainment to give them for the journey home (story CD/kids music).

You do seem to be very passive.

Do you OP, wear your seatbelt? @ 17yrs I was in a head on collision DF driving, other drivers fault. If we weren’t in belts we’d prob have died, I always do belt up before anything in car.
When my offspring were ever put in a car their sbelts were instantly done up, if any child questioned it for a milisecond we’d all get out full bloody stop. Only get to go with belt.

I see I am not alone in suggesting you appear passive. Saying thank-you is good. A determined plan would be better, and a recognition that you need to at act quickly because all your lives are at risk currently.

.

Typo

Then you explain to them that they cannot go to the zoo/meet friends/go to soft play in the next town because it is not safe. There is nowhere for you to pull over so they can calm down. Therefore there is the boundary. They mess around...so you have to keep them safe. To keep them safe you can only go to Ysville. It may not suit your social plans...but that is parenting.

The argument over front seat safety is minimal compared to an unbuckled child trying to stick his head out of the sunroof...

Small journeys and stop the car and return home if they unbuckle.

Every

Single

Time

Honestly, don't pull over on the hard shoulder unless the car literally breaks down. If this happens get out and get as far off the road as possible. A colleague was killed when she stopped on the hard shoulder and stayed in her car. It happens.

OP, you say that you have tried consequences but couldn't find something they cared about. What have you tried? Because if you can't safely stop the car then you'll have to find something else. In addition to the physical options that OPs have suggested.

I’m guessing there is no dad on the scene.

Do you have anyone else who could come in the car either with you or on their own and tell them off?